Nice Marmot

Urban Yoga Spa: Yogathon!

2011-05-28T12:31:00.001-07:00

Last Saturday I did the Yogathon at Urban Yoga Spa in downtown Seattle. It was an incredible one-day yoga intensive! Three two-hour yoga classes, with breaks. One hundred and three people in a heated yoga room--quite steamy and sweaty, but fun, and amazing group energy. The first class was a very physically rigorous Power Vinyasa class by Kathy & Gordy. I took frequent breaks in Child's Pose. Then a special Hot Hatha class by Erin called "Hot Hatha to the Core." She played with the typical UYS Hot Hatha sequence to bring in some additional poses that played to her theme. "To the core" meant deep lower abdominals, the cradle of the pelvis, and she got us in touch with "the four points" --tailbone & pubic bone; hipbone points in front--and had us engage them to make poses throughout the class more effortless. Awesome. Finished with a class by the incredible Whitney, about half Power Vinyasa, and then some sweet, gentle restorative poses.

The whole thing was $17, drop-in, I think, or just one class off a multi-class pack if you have one. For an additional $20, you could preorder healthy, yummy food from Juicy Cafe, so at the first break there was a peanut-butter ball, second break a smoothie and a brown rice/salad with your choice of tofu or chicken, and afterward a garbanzo bean salad. I actually didn't eat the salad--started to and then put down the fork. Doing lots and lots of yoga always puts me in touch with what my body really needs to eat, and how much. (In training, the answer was frequently: FRUIT and A LOT.)

I was extremely tired that night and the next day, but also feeling extremely open and blissed-out. The soreness--and the positive effects--continued rippling out through my life the whole week.

There's another Yogathon coming up at Urban Yoga Spa at the end of July, check it out! (scroll down on that link to get to the info on Yogathon.) If you have never taken hot yoga before, take at least four classes before you jump into yogathon, though, and obviously, hydrate well for 12-24 hours before any hot yoga!!

The wisdom of not doing

2011-01-04T16:22:00.000-08:00

I actually didn't go to yoga Saturday or Sunday. Saturday because I figured I needed a day off, and Sunday because I was lazy. Monday my glutes and hamstrings were so fatigued that walking was sort of a trial, so I'm thinking it was wise to ease up.

In retrospect zero yoga for a long time, and then five days in a row of powerful/vigorous practice was unrealistic. Glad I eased up!

Last night was Pilates and it turns out if you want to work your hip flexors and lower abs, just lie on your back with your thighs perpendicular to the floor and shins parallel. There are some other refinements, but do this for a minute or more and I bet you will see what I'm saying.

Tonight I teach the yoga.

Mini-Yoga Intensive

2010-12-31T14:46:00.000-08:00

Sometime in the past year, I lost my yoga mat. It was a nice one, natural rubber/jute surface that was sticky enough, dealt with moisture well (important for hot yoga), and it was a pleasant dark reddish purple color. I think I left it at a yoga studio. It had its faults; it was starting to shed bits of jute onto my clothing, but I wish my poor sleep-deprived self hadn't walked away from it. Meantime I've been using my husband's, which has an assortment of grime and smells like the floor of our older car. Which is to say: stale french fries.

For Christmas I received two beautiful yoga mats! One slate blue Jade that is a nice heavy weight, unrolls itself silently when you set it down, grippy without being sticky. The other turquoise with a pretty petal design, like Gaiam but a different brand, I think.

Because our former babysitter down the block is here on a holiday break from college, I took advantage of her a couple of days this week, and my husband's three day-weekend, and I'm lining up a mini-intensive this week. As things have worked out, it's going to be four to six of my favorite teachers. How clever I am.

Wednesday I went to a Vinyasa class at Hot Yoga of Laurelhurst taught by Megan Carroll. She inspired me to attend Samarya Center teacher training, and is flat-out awesome. The rigorous class started and ended with meditation and focused on core work and observing attachment and aversion.

Thursday I went to a Vinyasa class at Sutra Yoga taught by Angela Gayle. I hadn't seen Angela in over a year, and I was really looking forward to taking her class. I was pleasantly surprised when she remembered me and gave me a big hug! Her class was of course challenging and offered lots of choices for, as she puts it, "advancing practitioners." (With my extremely sporadic practice, rebuilding core muscles, and Achilles tendonitis, that ain't me, but I'm getting very good at honoring my practice in any "level" of yoga class. Beyond that, as a mom of two, whether or not I can actually show up to a yoga class trumps which teacher or particular level/flavor the class is!)

And this afternoon brings a class I've looked forward to for over six weeks--candlelit silent Hot Hatha taught by Audrey Benton at Hot Yoga of Laurelhurst. A candlelit silent practice on New Year's Eve is something very special. Say what you will about Hot Hatha/Bikram yoga--it is pretty amazing to practice silently but in synchronization with a room full of practitioners, the only sound our collective breath and the occasional "change" uttered by the teacher. And when I get to attend on NYE, it always make me think of the class I took on New Year's Eve 2006. I finished the very last bit of work at my office job I was quitting JUST in time to scoot down to Hot Yoga of Laurelhurst. Camille, who has now moved out of state, taught the candlelit silent practice that night. It was very symbolic to me to actually FINISH my office job and head to yoga class, ushering in a new year in which I would only teach yoga--no day job.

New Year's Day I will take Vinyasa class from the incredible Jo Parsons at Urban Yoga Spa. (If space allows teachers to practice, that is!)

And I'm hoping to take on Sunday the 2nd from one of the many amazing teachers at Samarya Center... but I haven't picked out a class yet.

So five days of yoga--yummy doesn't begin to describe it. Two days in and I'm already sore in places I've forgotten about--especially my abdominals right under the rib cage. But I'm also replete with energy and feeling fairly peaceful.

I've heard it said that your yoga mat reflects your practice, or your life, and I think there's something to it. So here's to a 2011 full of yoga on my new mats, mindfully carried to and from class in a mat bag!

My Brest Friend vs. Boppy: It ain't even close.

2010-11-23T16:40:00.000-08:00

I've had two babies, and breastfed them both. With my first, I'd inherited two Boppy breastfeeding cushions from friends, and I used them. I had some problems breastfeeding toward the beginning, but was able to work them out with the help of a lactation consultant, and things went well. He breastfed for a little over a year. A friend of mine in my moms' group at the time sang the praises of a different breastfeeding cushion, the My Brest Friend. I remember she said it was great, but lamented that it had such a lame name.

Remembering her rave reviews, when I was pregnant a second time, I invested in a new My Brest Friend. Baby and I were blessed with an uncomplicated labor and birth, and I started using the My Brest Friend to feed him right away, in the hospital room. Within a week of baby #2's birth, I had put both my Boppies in the Goodwill bin, and bought a second My Brest Friend (to have in another room, and because, let's face it, your breastfeeding cushion is going to get pooped on and you'll need to wash the cover!)

Certainly a catchier name would help the My Brest Friend, but My Brest Friend is superior to Boppy in every respect that matters.

What Makes My Brest Friend better than the Boppy:

1. The Strap
My Brest Friend straps around you with an easy-release buckle that can be unbuckled with one hand. This means MBF stays put, giving you both hands free as you position baby to feed. With the Boppy, you're positioning baby with one hand, and awkwardly clutching the Boppy with the other, trying to keep it from sliding away from you and baby. Needless to say, this makes the Boppy infuriating, impractical, and it doesn't really promote the relaxation necessary for milk to let down.

2. Firmer, flatter cushion
My Brest Friend is made from a firm, extremely sturdy structured foam. It has a more or less flat top, with two slightly raised bumps to give baby's head a little extra elevation. (The promotional photos for My Brest Friend always show the baby's head resting on mom's forearm which rests on the cushion, and that's how I use it 99% of the time.) Boppy is filled with some kind of softer stuffing, into a rounded shape. So, no firm support, and the surface of the Boppy doesn't come right up against you like MBF does. Boppy's rounded shape creates a crack between Boppy and you, into which your newborn's head can slip, pushing the Boppy further away from you (see item 1.)

3. Back support.
The My Brest Friend goes all the way around you, providing some cushioned support at your lower back. You still need a really good chair, but that back support does make a difference.

So why is Boppy still more popular? And stocked in more stores? (You can't buy My Brest Friend at our local Target, and I assume this is often the case at big-box stores where most expectant moms register.) It's just marketing, market penetration (in case that's something different,) and, yes, the name. It's a case of VHS and Beta, Beta being the superior technology (My Brest Friend) and despite this, VHS (Boppy) catching on. I honestly believe if more moms were able to use the My Brest Friend, more moms would be able to breastfeed successfully.

While Beta has come and gone, I think My Brest Friend still has a chance--spread the word! Word of mouth is still powerful, especially in Mom Land. Do your duty, reader(s.)

Should you live in Seattle, I recommend buying the My Brest Friend at Birth and Beyond, a fabulous baby store.

In which I declare myself to be extremely clever

2010-03-04T22:05:00.000-08:00

I am such a genius for choosing Yin Yoga/Yoga Nidra to assist at Samarya Center as part of my practicum. Just observing and assisting in the class is so extremely relaxing, as well as rewarding. The teacher is wonderful--she has a casual way of speaking and a relaxing voice. (All the teachers I've had at Samarya are down-to-earth and without pretense.) I finished assisting in the Intro series toward the end of February, and only missed one of the twelve. I also completed the six weeks of assisting in pre/postnatal. I am so excited; I get to sub for the pre/postnatal later this month--the first class I'll get to teach at Samarya!!! Too bad I can't invite all my un-pregnant homies.

I also took a class at Samarya Center a couple of weeks ago. Which was lovely. One down, 19 to go. (Another practicum requirement.) I was hoping to take a whole passel this week, but my parents, who were supposed to come with their plentiful free babysitting, were waylaid by my dad's untimely federal jury duty. At least the tax evasion trial is interesting. (!) And they'll come later this month, facilitating my Samarya yoga spree.

tired

2010-02-01T16:48:00.000-08:00

The weekly schedule with all the assisting has been intense. I was supposed to lead the standing poses in prenatal last Friday and just couldn't. Barely made it to that class, in fact. Came down with my son's nasty cold this weekend, so I'm dreading getting up early tomorrow, and don't have a lot of energy for my own practice. Hopefully Honey will get home in a few minutes so I can take prenatal yoga at 8 Limbs... It sounds so relaxing.

Check-In

2010-01-22T14:37:00.000-08:00

Assisted yesterday at the early-morning Intro. Finally achieved adequate sleep beforehand. Led Sun Salutes A at the beginning. Afterward was (gently, constructively) informed by the teacher that they teach them slightly differently at Samarya. (I had remembered them wrong.) To the yoga newbie, it is probably not a huge deal, but considering I've been teaching them "my" way once a week the past year, this will require a huge brain change. (I've been combining two moves into one inhale, when the first should be an exhale, and the next its own inhale...) My ability to make this change clearly and *effectively* in my pregnant mommy brain is... doubtful. But actually it makes more logical sense the Samarya way.

Taught yesterday afternoon at the office, in the newly finished GIGANTIC space. I emphasized shoulders (always appreciated by office workers, in my experience,) and ended Savasana by chanting. The new room has excellent reverberating acoustics! Need to get more blocks and straps to bring along, and always wish I were teaching in a studio with a giant stack of blankets and bolsters. (Wow, that is SO NOT a hot yoga thing, with the props...)

This morning took class from Tracy at 8 Limbs Phinney Ridge, while Cameron did his scream-run act in the childcare room next door. YAY for us both! I really like Tracy's classes. When she asked us to do one more backbend of our choice, I chose Wheel Pose/Upward Bow Pose (Chakrasana/Urdhva Danurasana.) I wasn't sure I could do it unassisted at six months pregnant, after all the shoulder and bicep work we'd just done in that class, but I did! And ooo did it feel good. Oddly enough, Tracy offered to take a picture of me in the pose "to show your baby later." So I had to do it a second time-- a little shakier, but achieved lift-off. :)

This afternoon I'll lead the warm-up sequence at Samarya Center's prenatal class. It will be the first time I've taught pregnant ladies. Besides "teaching" my pregnant self, that is.

I think that's enough yoga for one forty-eight hour period! Or at least enough yoga blah blah for one post...

In which I confirm, once again, that I am in the right line of work.

2010-01-19T22:51:00.001-08:00

Started giving adjustments in this morning's Intro to Ashtanga class. I felt so radiant and energized and grateful when I left! And I didn't teach the yoga or do any yoga poses myself... just soaked up the yoga vibe! Yoga just SMELLS awesome.

Walked around Green Lake, after waiting around for a sock vendor (Super Jock'n'Jill) to open. Then they gave me free shoelaces. Just because I asked. Had so much fun playing with my son on the playground, and we got to watch a FRONT LOADER TRACTOR scoop GRAVEL and dump it in a TRAILER being pulled by ANOTHER TRACTOR!!! The best entertainment at two years old is totally free. Last night we spent twenty minutes watching a forklift unload a truck at the hardware store. He was riveted.

Tonight taught my last Tuesday night hot yoga double downtown. Perhaps best that this was the last of the doubles...afterward I tried to put my shoes on before my pants, and then came close to flushing the toilet before using it. Clearly a bit befuddled... but I got through with plenty of Zico! It was a big class, and thus extremely humid. I love watching people walk into the studio all stressy and come out so relaxed.

I like taking walks (before) the rain. But no pina coladas.

2010-01-16T00:27:00.000-08:00

Due to the fact that it's winter in Seattle, and the fact I'm a combination of very busy and sort of lazy, I hadn't gone for a real walk in almost a month. A "real walk" for me is over a mile. So Thursday after observing that early yoga class and picking up my Bubba from the husband's office, I thought hey! We're out! So I decided to walk around Green Lake, stroller-style, before The Rains descended.

Overall the walk was a good idea--I had so much energy all day! And it felt good, mostly. Plus exercise is good. One does need something beyond yoga once in a while. But at first, my hips/pelvis were killing me. And then I stopped for a pee and that pain went away and then my belly started hurting... but not in a bad way, really. I think I will try to go for a long walk every other day.

Tonight I assisted at the prenatal class again and there were three babies. I decided to do some of the poses, and ahhhh. That was nice.

BTW it turns out The Rains really freaking descended. It poured all day yesterday, starting in the morning, all night last night, I believe, and then all day today, except a 1-2 hour break in the afternoon. I know I live in Seattle, and it is absurd for me to note how much it rains, but. Dude. Let up already.

What's the O for? O my god it's early!

2010-01-12T21:08:00.000-08:00

Today was the first day of the Intro to Ashtanga series in which I am observing and assisting at the Samarya Center. The class is twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays, for six weeks, at 7 AM. That's 0700 hours. Early!

Again, the class is a pleasure. More lecture than movement in this very first class, which is wise for those new to yoga. Logistically it will be challenging until I get in a groove of getting in bed at 9:30 or 10:00 and getting up each morning at 6:00. However, Tuesday evenings I teach a double and don't get out of the second class until 8:00 pm, and usually don't leave the studio until 8:15. Tonight I was wiped out afterward, moved about my business leaving the studio at the pace of a snail, and had a snafu at the parking garage kiosk, so I wasn't on the road until 8:40. Now the shower, the dinner (finally...) You see where this is going. And it ain't no 9:30 pm (look at the post time!) It is going somewhere very tired....So now I am feeling grateful that next week is the last time (for months, anyway) that I will teach these back-to-back Tuesday night classes!

My two hot yoga classes this evening went well, but the second one (90 min) felt really hot and I got tired. I kept walking to the end of the room to check the clock, forgetting why I'd gone to that end of the room, and then wandering back and wondering what time it was. Again: probably better I'm leaving the double behind for now. I will miss my students in the 6:30, though, and will miss the pace of the 90-min series. In case you wonder if your teacher misses you in class if you usually come to a particular day and time... I do! (Jamie, this means you... hope you're OK!)

Before the first class I taught tonight, a student said, "I really need this tonight... I need you!" Pretty sweet.

The Samarya Center and Why It Rocks

2010-01-11T23:32:00.000-08:00

When I'm in my Samarya teaching groove (as opposed to my hot yoga teaching groove), I have a hard time verbalizing my frame of mind, but I think of it vaguely as being less rigid and more loosy-goosy. I love hot yoga, but us high-achieving perfectionistic types, we like our hard-and-fast rules of alignment and this is RIGHT and this is WRONG. Hot yoga plays right into this. For my particular set of thought patterns, the attention to alignment in hot yoga (especially the endless working toward an "ideal") tends to strengthen threads of my personality that do not need to be strengthened---themes that at best hinder my growth and at worst are downright self-destructive. That sounds a bit dramatic, now that I've written it out. It's not all that terrible, just a gradual effect I've noticed over time, especially when contrasted with the way I think while under the influence of Samarya.

Samarya Center's core teaching is:

The student is perfect and whole exactly as they are.

For example, you do not "fix" the student, and you do not "correct" their pose, although of course you might make an adjustment if it looks they're persisting in doing something that's causing pain or could cause injury. But for the most parts, adjustments at Samarya are AAAAH!-djustments. They are meant to feel good.

While in the Samarya community (note: Samarya is Sanskrit for community!) I've heard alignment questions frequently answered with something along the lines of: "I don't know, how does it feel when you do the pose that way?" At first, this really threw me. (NOTE: I only went to two classes at Samarya before going to teacher training. I could smell what they were cooking, and it is good.) Confronted with this new approach to alignment, my black-and-white rule-loving side was freaking out and floundering for the side of the pool, sputtering "but but but I need to know when I'm wrong so I can properly engage in silent, violent fits of self-criticism and blame at the appropriate times!" After the first several days of Samarya training, naturally I started looking at this and questioning the validity of said fits...

Cut to about six weeks after the Samarya training intensive, back in Fort Lauderdale for my annual two-day visit with Jimmy Barkan. Now I love Jimmy, but in the middle of a class full of trainees, we're in Standing Bow (which is similar to Dancer) and he breaks class to ask, "OK, what's wrong with Lindsay?" And I almost had to clap a hand over my mouth not to blurt out, "Nothing! She's perfect and whole exactly as she is!" Of course what he's going for is what could be "better" about her "alignment," and he has a huge heart, and absolutely wants nothing but the best for this woman and all his teacher trainees, but Samarya has made me more sensitive to what, for lack of a better term, we called "languaging" in training.

In case you're wondering why I'm getting up early and observing and assisting all these classes: Getting the 200-hr YA-approved training in at Samarya means I can loosen or cut ties with my hot yoga mothership, and that's OK for several reasons, chief among them that my heart doesn't really lie in figuring out what's "wrong" with a yoga practitioner's pose.

I'm not going to turn my back completely on hot yoga, though. Still love it. I've been trying to teach more original-sequence and/or Vinyasa classes lately, and inwardly belly-aching that I'm still mostly teaching hot, which is the same sequence every class. And that can get boring. But I recently had the thought: I don't teach yoga just for my personal fulfillment or to keep my mind challenged and occupied. I serve others. It was basically my whole motivation for going after this vocation in the first place. If doing that means teaching more hot yoga for now, I'll take it! And from the limited feedback I've been getting, many students are receiving some benefit in my classes, so who am I to quibble with that?

Finally (Actually) Started Practicum

2010-01-11T23:12:00.000-08:00

So, Friday I started observing classes at the Samarya Center for my teacher training practicum, with a prenatal class. It was a small class, about six people. It's actually a pre/post-natal class, so there was one mom with a newborn babe (who slept in a carseat the whole time), three or four pregnant women, and two women who were not nor probably ever will be pregnant but for various reasons were interested in a prenatal or "gentle" class. Remind me to post later on the two schools of thought on prenatal yoga and how "gentle" or "vigorous" it should be...

Anyway, it was a nice class, and similar to what I'm used to since the teacher (like me) trained in prenatal yoga with Anne Phyfe of 8 Limbs. She (the Samarya teacher) did a beautiful job of teaching to all three "populations" in the class.

Sunday I attended my first monthly practicum meeting, attended by four or five other teacher trainees (the rest all hail from the more recent training intensive) and led by the awesome practicum coordinator. In this meeting, I realized that contrary to my endless stressy thoughts, many parts of this practicum are going to be fairly easy for me--like giving adjustments and teaching, as long as I can achieve my goal of NOT saying too much. This is partially because I've been teaching (the hot yoga) for three and a half years now, so I'm not as nervous, and partially because of my awesome Thursday-night class, where I've been practicing the hands-on adjustments, and coming up with my own sequences, etc. For brand new yoga teachers, the problem is saying ENOUGH and getting the words out and being present. My chief challenge in the training intensive last spring was SHUTTING UP, seriously. (If you know me personally, of course this makes sense.)

The hard part of this practicum will be the logistical part--showing up, fulfilling all the on-site requirements, since I have a toddler at home. But really, that's sort of an easy hard part, versus what a truly newly-minted teacher has to confront. (When I was toward the end of hot yoga teacher training, doing a practice teaching session, I flubbed something and, showing that poise and grace synonymous with the name Nice Marmot, ran from the room crying.) And while I'm still stressing a bit about logistics, the practicum coordinator told me at the end of the meeting, basically, "hey, if you can't get it all done, we'll work it out and it's not the end of the world if you need to take a break and finish your practicum next year." Did I mention the Samarya Center is awesome?

One more thought about observing yoga classes--I'm usually either taking a yoga class, or teaching a yoga class. Observing a class being taught is something different. I had to keep reminding my brain what to do--observe and report. And I again reflected on a point that, when it hit me while observing in the training intensive last spring, hit with such force that I wept: watching people practice yoga is extremely intimate. They are not dancing--nothing about it is performance. It is not for me, the observer. It's not even (hopefully) for the teacher. It is watching these people Be In Their Bodies.

Back from Break

2009-11-10T09:21:00.001-08:00

Ack, it's been a year!

So, my son is 23 months old, I'm still teaching and practicing yoga, and I'm pregnant with our second. I'm hoping to blog my way through an 80-hour practicum to complete (my second) 200-hour Yoga Alliance-approved, sweet-smelling Teacher Training Program. Have to focus, people. This baby's due in April, and no force on earth will allow completion of said program after that!

My current yoga practice routine:
Half-downward dog (daily)
Prenatal Class once a week (doubles as observation for a DIFFERENT (easier) practicum for prenatal YTT)

I'm also teaching one office yoga class a week, coming up with my own sequence, which I love. I've taught several Vinyasa classes but not as much as I'd like and I don't have anything regular. In order to make money, I'm still teaching Hot Yoga--I do enjoy it most of the time but confess I'm getting a bit bored--it's so easy. Four to five classes a week.

My son has started doing a little yoga--he does it naturally! Down Dog, Reclined Hero--these he busts on his own. Prompted by a character doing yoga on one of my mugs, he told me he wanted to do yoga. So we started with Down Dog. After that, he said, "Again the yoga?" Indeed. I also showed him Warrior I, and you know, he put one foot back and arms in the air. My little yogi!

Yoga DVD Review: MTV Power Yoga

2008-10-13T16:28:00.001-07:00

This is the worst yoga DVD I've seen (so far.)

The sun salutations that open the sequence involve repeated forward bends with your hands clasped behind you and then rotated over your head to open your shoulders. This is a nice choice if you hold the posture for several breaths and give it a chance to work in your shoulders, but she moves in and out of it several times very briefly, which seems pointless and just became irritating after the sixth time.

She moves through the poses very quickly, and gives very little instruction, both of which are potentially painful or injurious. For example, since there are several Vinyasas in the sequence, you go into Downward Dog over a dozen times, but she never gives you any cues on what to do with your body in D. Dog. (Some suggestions: Move the elbows closer together. Spread the shoulder blades apart. Press down into your thumb and forefinger. Extend from your hands back through the shoulder blades and put more weight into your feet.) So 95% of those doing this video who are new to yoga will crash all their weight into their wrists, sink into their shoulders, and have a bad time. Despite there being a beginner doing poses beside her, she never encourages beginners to take a Chaturanga from the knees once in a while, or do a Cobra in place of an Upward Dog (both of which are easier on the lower back, and provide a way to turn down the intensity without a complete rest.) Oh yes! She doesn't even mention a resting posture at the beginning of the DVD, either, she just barrels right into it. Some choices she made in the sequence are tiresome, as well, but not actually dangerous.

The music, which is one of the selling points of this 2003 release "hot new recording artist Blue Six!" is not very good. But I can say the sequence warmed up the body. At some point I just lost interest and started doing the poses I felt like doing.

Like all yoga videos, it starts with a waiver of liability and urges you to consult your doctor before starting this or any exercise program, but I've never watched a yoga video which gave such short shrift to beginners and to injury prevention. And the class, while it did warm up my body, didn't feel logically sequenced and was paced poorly.

I give it a C.

Patience

2008-09-30T17:56:00.001-07:00

Considering that I've always been late everywhere, motherhood has not cured that obnoxious aspect of my personality--nay, it's made it worse. Last Wednesday everything was lined up for me to take a yoga class, a very precious opportunity that my husband carefully facilitated by getting home from work at a certain time, but because I have mild ADD and absolutely had to get one more load of laundry in the washer before I left, I was extremely late getting to the studio and the door was locked. Which made me very pissed and sad. Because you know what happens when you do a load of laundry? Later? There's more laundry.

So I came home and told MSH I was going downstairs to do a yoga video.* So after folding two loads of laundry (it was there!) I started a yoga video. Now, I like this yoga video, but when you only have forty-five minutes, you notice new things about your yoga video--like it's very slow-paced. I was very impatient to get to some juicy standing poses, but she just kept doing an extremely simple sun salutation, with plenty of amplified ujaiyi breathing in each pose. I kept skipping and fast-forwarding through the sequence, with this terrible mind of, "I don't need this! I don't have time for this! Give me the yoga I WANT RIGHT NOW!" I realized this was not a very beneficial mind for anything, particularly not yoga. But also, I eventually realized if I was going to be such a baby about it, I could just do my *own* practice.

So I turned off the video and did the poses that I WANTED TO DO right then.

*Yes, it's actually a DVD. Get off my lawn!

Come Due

2008-09-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

My son's decided today is the day to point out where we haven't baby-proofed. So far he's discovered (and whined when he is deprived of:)

The fertilizer under the kitchen counter
The potting soil under the kitchen counter
The powder cleanser in the FLOOR LEVEL hall cupboard (duh)

In my defense, there was no good place to put the fertilizer and potting soil that was accesible to the side-porch pot garden, where it is used.

He is also teething, and so very cranky and fussy, but Tylenol Infant Drops are our friend.

Yoga Country

2008-09-11T16:12:00.001-07:00

Due to circumstances outside of my control, I have to go to Nashville next week to do two days of yoga with Jimmy to keep my yoga teacher certification. Planning a trip with five to six days notice would cause me stress at the best of times, but considering I have a nine-month-old son, the stress is off the hook. I had been planning to go on a similar trip to Wisconsin the first weekend in October, giving me an additional three or four weeks to prepare a stash of pumped breast milk. (Yes, he's still mostly on breastmilk; he was a slow starter on solids. But he loves Cheerios, and he's had a little salmon and some peas...) I found out on Tuesday afternoon that the Wisconsin studio was canceling their weekend workshop, three weeks before, and Nashville was my last option or lose my teaching certification. At this point, I've never stayed a night away from the wee boy. I'm sure it will be fine; he'll be with my mother-in-law, whom I love and trust completely, and my husband, nights.

Most of the stress has been taken care of because I actually figured out that the Nashville studio (whose staff has been incredibly gracious and accommodating!) will let me come to two days of what is actually a two-week teacher training session, and I've booked the tickets. So now I have a framework, this trip IS happening, I can just plan around it now. (ie, pump like hell!)

The weird thing is I was or am in some sense *excited* for the trip. I'll get to do two hot yoga classes a day, for two days. I know that will feel amazing. I'll get three nights of uninterrupted sleep, oh frabjus joy SLEEP! But I tried very hard (and failed) to find a flight home the third night instead of staying that last night in Nashville... because I know I'm going to be missing my sweet little boy like crazy. I hope he doesn't even notice I'm gone... Not to mention I'll be pumping every three hours during the day while I'm in Nashville... which is everybody's idea of vacation fun.

Oh and before I leave for Nashville on Monday, I'm going for one night (this was supposed to be my warm-up away from the boy, month before the real thing) to the beach with the gals, Saturday. It will be a lot of fun, if I can do 87 things on Friday, and relax once I'm at the beach. Haw haw.

September Summer in the City

2008-09-04T20:13:00.001-07:00

Today I went to a new baby store in the Fremont neighborhood. Afterward I had a sandwich and learned about Lenin, and enjoyed the fabulous weather--65 degrees, sunny, light breeze. This is what is supposed to be like in September in Seattle. I feel lucky to live in such a beautiful, temperate city. I nursed Cameron out-of-doors in the piazza, as it were. By the time we'd driven home, he was asleep, and I was sleepy, so I just leaned the driver's seat back and went to sleep myself. The birds were tweetling, and as I drifted off, one of my neighbors (I wonder who) was playing the harmonica. I had a nice nap.

How the other half moisturizes

2008-09-03T20:38:00.001-07:00

How the other half moisturizes
Originally uploaded by NiceMarmot

Somewhere in north Central Washington, I photographed this bottle of lotion in the ladies' restroom in a country club. You can really feel how CLASSIC and ELITE this club is by looking at their lotion. Good thing it's got mink oil (!) in it. Gawd.

Continuing the theme of Triviality

2008-08-21T16:17:00.001-07:00

My son has a "bath book" made entirely of plastic. It's currently lying open on the living room floor to the two pages with a circle and a square. As I walk by I keep thinking "Circle gets the square!" a la Hollywood Squares. Have you ever watched an old ep of Hollywood Squares on Game Show Network, like from the 70s? There's a smartass gay man in the middle of the gameboard, usually, making risque remarks to great hilarity.

Listening to: "Whole Wide World" by Wreckless Eric, "Away Away" by Northern State

Reading: Mimi Smartypants (blog,) and Out Stealing Horses by Per Petterson

Other activities: packing for weekend at Whidbey, making slow-cooker vegetarian paella and pasta salad.

Defining Terms

2008-08-20T20:09:00.000-07:00

So I'm filling out an online survey regarding my recent visit to JC Penney's, and because I noted I was "highly dissatisfied" with their changing rooms, I've entered an offshoot (like choose your own adventure!) of the survey where they ask me to detail the condition of the changing rooms. Interestingly, one can only select one item from the list to justify one's high level of dissatisfaction, when my dissatisfaction is two-fold. But the most important factor for me was the dusty filth coating the floor, so this was my selection:

"Dirty - was not clean"

As if you needed a refresher on what dirty means.

This is the most trivial of the 27 things I have considered blogging about in the last three months. I apologize. But at least I'm back.

Milk

2008-05-20T17:00:00.000-07:00

I used to drink Organic Valley Milk. Then one day my friend brought me delicious Wilcox Bros. MIlk, of the "fresh local pasteurization." It tasted so much...milkier. Then Wilcox went, if you'll excuse the pun, teats up.

Last week I went to my beloved local PCC Natural Market to find they were giving out little samples of fresh strawberry shortcake. I digress to note that this is the BEST GROCERY STORE SAMPLE EVER. The whipped cream was made from Golden Glen Creamery heavy cream. I'd never heard about this outfit, but apparently all their products are contained in heavy glass bottles because they think the milk is healthier and better tasting this way.

I thought no one sold milk in bottles anymore. I have fond memories of Senn's Drive-In Dairy (our location located in Beaverdam Palace, Oregon) where we got delicious milk in glass bottles.

So anyway, today I purchased Golden Glen Creamery 2% milk in a gallon bottle. It is "creamtop" milk, as it says on the cap, and let me tell you: they are not kidding. I had to scoop out the cream in order to pour the milk. Then I didn't know what to do with the tablespoon or so of cream I'd scooped. I threw it away. If you have any other ideas, let me know. Then you have to shake up the milk to sort of reconstitute the cream. I was getting unsure about the whole endeavor. This was more work than I normally go through to get a glass of milk and the bits of cream were sort of hinking me out.

Then I tasted it...it is the milkiest milk this suburb/city girl had ever tasted. If you like milky milk, this is the milk for you! It is from Bow, Washington so I'm betting you can probably only get it in the Seattle area. It's available in two percent, non-fat, or whole. (Whole milk is usually 3.25 percent fat.)

Sorry it's not relevant to yoga or my son, but that's what happened today, so that's what you get! Milk!

Mom & Baby Yoga in Seattle

2008-03-08T13:35:00.000-08:00

The comments want to know what other Mom & Baby Yoga classes I've discovered in Seattle that don't happen on Tuesday mornings. Remember to doublecheck these on the websites:

8 Limbs Capitol Hill
Thursdays 1:30
Haven't been to this one, but it's taught by Anne Phyfe, about whom I've only heard amazing things. She also teaches a prenatal class at this location, so if you practice here prenatally, you can transition to postnatal/mom&baby with the same "community."

Santosha Yoga
Wednesdays 11:15
I've been to this class once and really enjoyed it. They just started offering it so I doubt it would be full. Our PEPS group is planning to go as a between-meeting outing sometime. Fringe benefit: Across the street from Cafe Flora!

Starting April 9:
Yoga Momma at Phinney Center

Bikram vs. Barkan

2008-03-06T18:05:00.001-08:00

Someone commented on an old post and asked for thoughts on Bikram teacher training vs. Barkan teacher training. (Bik vs. Bar) Now keep in mind I've only been to the Bar- training, so my understanding of the Bik- training is based on what graduated teachers have told me, and having taken Bik- classes from newly minted Bikram-trained teachers.

...

**UPDATED** May 2011:

Unfortunately I have found it necessary to delete the rest of this post and its comments. This post once continued on with several paragraphs of my personal, extremely subjective comparison of the two teacher trainings. In the opening paragraph, which I left above, you'll see I note that I've only been to once training, so not only was my post extremely subjective, my own subjective perspective lacked a very big piece. I never purported to be objective in any way, which some commenters ignored. ("You obviously prefer Barkan blah blah") Um. Duh.

While I think it's beneficial and important to discuss differences of opinion, both generally and in yoga especially given the way yoga and yoga business has blossomed in the West, the comments my post inspired were often extremely disrespectful and constituted harmful speech. I don't wish to sustain the cause for that type of communication.

If you are considering hot yoga teacher training and are interested in my EXTREMELY SUBJECTIVE, PERSONAL OPINION of the two trainings, please comment (comments are hidden but I will still see them) with your email address and I will send you the archived original text of this post. I will send it from an email account I don't use a lot, so if you reply with a lot of garbage and hateful words, I will never see it. Comments will be reviewed by me prior to publishing, so cultivate a positive intention before you start typing.

I understand people can get very passionate about a type of yoga, especially if a practitioner has experienced deep personal transformation based on a particular style of practice. But that deep personal transformation occurred because the practitioner kept showing up and opened their heart--the person who owns the studio, or trained the teacher, or patented that series of poses didn't do the work for him or her. You are the author of your own liberation, regardless of who teaches you. If a person feels the need to unloose the kind of venom I saw in the comments on this post, especially about yoga, that person needs to get back on his or her mat and practice some more.

And I can say that because it's my blog, and a forum for my own personal, subjective opinion.

I should add that Bikram's teacher training and The Barkan Method teacher training are far from being your only options when training to be a hot yoga teacher. A cursory web search will reveal this. Probably they are two of the best-known hot yoga trainings, although few on the West Coast have heard of Barkan. On the West Coast, however, Bikram's sequence continues to be the best-known and when other hot yoga studios in Seattle come up with their own sequence, they continue to pattern it after Bikram's, at least loosely, in my experience. They do this, at least in one case to which I can personally attest, and probably in many cases, in order to keep some familiarity for practitioners who've taken at a Bikram studio. I think that's a good call, since there are so many practitioners out there who have, and are familiar with that sequence.

Before you invest your time, money, and heart in a teacher training, it's helpful to ask around and get input from many people, and preferably people you trust, teachers whose classes you find meaningful.

the good day

2008-03-03T07:34:00.001-08:00

Thursday I taught a yoga class for the first time since my son was born. I'd been asked a month in advance to sub the morning class. Interestingly, when people asked if I'd gone "back to work" (I use the term loosely because teaching ninety-minute classes here and there is not a huge commitment) I would hem and haw vaguely, putting it off into the future for a few to several months. But when this teacher called and asked me to sub, the words "Sure, I'd love to, let me check my schedule" poured spontaneously out of my mouth. It was sort of an "aha" moment--I guess I really was ready!

The timing was actually perfect, since as detailed here, I'd had a rough day the day before. While I was nervous about forgetting the Bikram sequence or just flubbing my words in general, caring for the babe meant I didn't really have time to worry about it too much in advance. I was very excited. I did bring in a little cheat sheet but didn't think to refer to it until I was mostly through the class. I felt very competent and powerful, feeling my oats, as I taught. I remembered how much I loved teaching. I also remembered how sore my voice was when I first started teaching, and for some reason I used the word "buttocks" 187 times (I couldn't remember what I used to say... it's "glutes!") but I think it went well for the first time back and I look forward to doing it again soon!

With my return to pretty darned optimal mental health, I've decided I can totally slack off on self care. Probably a dumb idea. I need to get back to the checklist--water, protein, fruits & veggies, vitamins, sleep, walk, meditation. Today my son is three months old! We're celebrating with a massage for me, and portraits for the wee lad. I'm looking forward to a long visit with my parents in a town with a hot yoga studio--I'm going to practice as many times as I possibly can!

WORKY WORK, BUSY BEE! (part the first)

2008-02-28T17:36:00.000-08:00

Chapter One: Rough Day

Yesterday I had a Rough Day. It was not really back to the depressive thoughts, although they seemed to be radioing in from Nebraska. "Hey! Remember us? You're not good enough!" And I was like: "shut up! I tune out your radio station TURD, depressive thoughts!" But it was more of an "I feel sort of nutty stuck in this house and I can't get anything 'done'" Rough Day.

Now let me explain about Getting Things Done. Often when a new mom complains of not getting anything done, by "anything" she may mean:

Article for magazine publication
Writing an email
Preparing a meal (which could involve turning on a stove or just eating crackers)
Taking a shower
Going pee
Walking into another room to get something
Wiping her nose

So don't judge someone by thinking: hey, she (or he) is taking care of the kid, so if he's still alive, mission accomplished. It is a very important job! Caring for a baby/kid! But if you live your average American life, some other things eventually have to be done. Like clean off a table, or run a load of laundry. And sometimes your husband asks you to do something, like autopsy a dental bill. And then you have no Internet access and you can't figure out why and without Internet you can't find the phone number for the dental insurance provided through husband's employer without the Internet and your husband won't return your calls.* And none of your nursing tank tops or breast pads are clean. And you want to leave the house, but it requires 47 individual processes and when you're done with those you have to change his diaper. Again.

You can see where this is going--I got really frustrated, left my husband a snippy email and finally FINALLY! Made it out of the house, to Green Lake, only wept a bit in the car, thanks be it wasn't raining out, and walked around said lake. The first mile I walked the angry walk, and passed everyone walking in the same direction, even though I was pushing a stroller and they were wearing fitness gear and sporting iPods. I was wearing corduroy maternity pants because they were the only pantaloon item that did not require me walking into another room or doing another load of laundry lord love a duck. After a mile, I'd walked out most of the angry, and then the lack of a true meal all day (it was about 2:00) hit me like a ton of bricks, and I rested on a bench and considered summoning a cab back to my car. But I'd left without my cell phone. Remembered it at the door but thought : I cannot go back into the house for one more thing or steam will start coming out of my ears like Yosemite Sam.

*he's in the middle of the worst poo storm that's ever occurred in his 8 years with this company

Chapter Two: (coming soon--promise--got to get the wee lad to sleep!)

Breakfast, Sleep, Mom & Baby Yoga

2008-01-30T10:50:00.000-08:00

Last week I was SO HUNGRY by the time I got around to lunch. A bowl of cold cereal with nuts and raisins was not cutting it. So I've started making myself a "power smoothie" every morning--easy to prepare and quick to drink, but high protein--

cup or so of frozen fruit
three big spoons of whole milk plain yogurt
some orange juice
two med. spoons of almond butter
two tbsp flax-seed oil (for Omega-3)
one banana, cut up

It is so yummy! And after I drink it, I stop being hungry for a while. My lactation consultant godmother suggests mid-morning snacks, as well. Today I went to the store and got some spirulina/veggie powder to make the smoothie even healthier!

The big news around here is that baby slept through the night! He ate at 8:30, and between 9 and 10 sometime, we did a little baby massage--I have a little booklet and some grapeseed oil to use, so I tried it. It was so much fun! He was so engaged and charming, and really seemed to enjoy it. When he quit looking interested, I stopped and got him into his jammies. Then he fell asleep around 11:30. MSH and I went to bed then, too, thinking he would wake up in like a half an hour to eat. But no--I woke myself up at 5:15 and rushed to see if he was dead! He has been eating lots more, so presumably his stomach's getting bigger, but nine hours without eating?! He was sleeping peacefully, didn't really seem like he was even starting to wake up (he usually grunts and starts to wake up and falls back asleep several times.) I was so freaked I woke him up and fed him. And do you know what he did after that? DO YOU!?!? He...went back to sleep. Wow. I went back to sleep, too. I feel so rested, I could pull the wings off a gundark!

Last Tuesday I went to a Mom & Baby yoga class for the first time. The class was wonderful. It's fun to see other babies. (The 11 month old next to us looked simply HUGE next to my baby!) The babies just lie on a blanket or in their car seat carriers, the moms do the yoga. But if a baby fusses, the teacher comes and holds the baby while she teaches! Bonus. One of the gifts of yoga is that you're more aware of your posture, etc., when you're NOT doing yoga. You end up doing some funky "poses" as a mom and especially when nursing, it's good to have that lingering after-effect from yoga class, reminding you to relax the shoulders and realign the spine.

Unfortunately I won't be going to that particular Mom & Baby yoga class again, since my PEPS group started this week, at the same time. (This being Seattle, there are more Mom & Baby yoga classes, of course.) I love PEPS so far. Sharing ideas is so cool and it's nice to have a safe space to just share your experiences. All the babies are pretty much in the same two-month span of age. I can tell it's going to be a lot of fun and I've already gotten some good ideas for outings.(like mom & baby movies!)

And now, it's time for a diaper change, and you bet your sweet ass, some baby massage!

Nutty Pods Revisited

2008-01-25T07:05:00.000-08:00

With cold season, an anonymous commenter asks where one can purchase a neti pot. Neti pots can be found at most natural markets in the healthy & beauty section (Whole Foods, Wild Oats, New Seasons) but they are also available in many an online store: http://www.ancient-secrets.com/neti.cf

The internet search that led me to that link also revealed that neti pots have been seen on "Oprah!"

Happy nasal cleansing!

Sleep

2008-01-15T13:22:00.000-08:00

Sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleeve of care,
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath,
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast,--"

--Macbeth, Act 2, Scene 2

Yesterday was my six week postpartum appointment with my midwife. "After I had
my son, I scrapped my whole postpartum 'spiel' and just ask about sleep." I laid it
on her. "Here's what we know about sleep," she said, "it's not the amount of sleep--
it's uninterrupted sleep that counts." Last night, my blessed mother-in-law arrived.
We implemented a new sleep schedule for MSH and I (not for baby,) with MSH
taking 8pm - 12am and 5 am - 9 am. In practice I didn't sleep at all those times.
I went to bed at 10pm, after pumping to provide MSH with the breastmilk for the
babe. I couldn't fall asleep right away. It has been weeks since I went "to bed"
before midnight and as tired as I was, I couldn't wind down right away. But I lay
there and relaxed, and MSH turned on the "sleep" relaxation music for me, and I
thought happy thoughts. I thought how lucky my son is to have cousins around his
age. I thought how much fun it will be in the spring to go with him to the park. I
felt loved and supported. And sometime after 11pm, when I heard someone
preparing to feed the babe, I fell asleep. (I did NOT wake up when MSH came to
bed.) I woke up to the baby monitor at 3:15am, even though it was on MSH's side
of the bed, even though my son wasn't yet crying, just making awake noises. I got
out of bed. And I thought, "OK, time to feed my son."

I did not think: "OH GOD THIS IS AWFUL I WANT TO CRAWL BACK IN BED
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" I did not think, over and over again, as I do usually:
"brutalbrutalbrutalbrutalthisissof%*@ingbrutalbrutalbrutal."

I changed his diaper (disposable chlorine-free for better absorption and longer
nighttime sleeping) and fed him for 25 minutes and he went to sleep. I waited
until he was deeply asleep and put him in his crib. I didn't wrap him up very much
because I didn't really want to wake him up. Then knowing the next feed would
probably be MSH, I stayed up and pumped. An hour after he'd gone to sleep initially,
the wee lad woke up. I thought: "Oh, that's odd. I'd better go see what he wants."

I did not think: "OH CHRIST YOU HAVE GOT TO BE F@#%ING KIDDING ME HOW CAN
HE BE AWAKE, HOW?!?!? I WON'T GET ANY SLEEP, WAAAAAH!!"

So I changed his diaper. I think he may have woken up because he was cold, but just
in case he'd fallen asleep the first time when he was still hungry, I fed him again.
He slept until 7:45am. Bless his wee head.

I didn't actually get to sleep until 6 Am, so I was up for three hours in the middle of
the night, but even so, when I woke up at 7:45, I thought: "I could have my mother-in-
law feed him, and sleep some more, but if I get up now and feed the babe, my mother-
in-law can watch him while I go to a yoga class." (The midwife gave me the green
light for exercise yesterday.)

So I *didn't* go back to sleep even though I easily could have. I fed, I pumped, and off
I went to the first hot yoga class I've been to in four or five months.

It was amazing. Very challenging, but I was able to do more of the poses than I thought--
only rested out three. The sun was pouring in the windows, I watched my eyes in the
mirror, I tried to follow my breath, I reveled in every posture. My shoulders visibly
lowered. My muscles burned as lactic acid poured out. I did an extra backbend. It. Was.
Awesome.

Then I came home, and pumped, and watched my son burble and coo and punch and kick.
I fixed a sandwich. I feel like myself.

So to repeat: Four hours of continuous sleep, plus sunshine, plus hot yoga = very good
mental state. I think I'll take a nap.

things are looking up

2008-01-13T15:21:00.000-08:00

Well, didn't mean to leave you hanging there. I'm happy to report that things have been going well. (A lot of this is because my mom arrived Friday for a few days, and has been taking wonderful care of me and of the baby.) Friday I had my first appointment with a counselor. She wants to continue seeing me, but didn't recommend antidepressants, and was very optimistic about my getting better. (To some, this might seem obvious, but it's nice to hear, especially from a professional.) In fact, she was very positive and complimentary all around, and thinks I do not take enough credit for my achievements (like successful breastfeeding.) She pointed out a lot of instances as I talked to her where I deflect praise or responsibility for things I've done, and I don't even notice I'm doing it! (She is no-BS; she stops me and says "Do you realize that's a distortion?") But now as I look back at my mind pre-baby, I see that I have a very strong tendency to ignore the things I'm accomplishing, and focus on where I'm "not good enough," or *manufacture* distorted thoughts where I'm not good enough. She says this sort of mental pattern feeds right into postpartum depression.

So I will see her again Wednesday, but her concrete suggestions included going on a walk every day, continuing to have friends and family with me as much as possible, having MSH regularly take one nighttime feeding. (These are things others, mostly my midwives, have suggested.) She also recommended getting an easier-to-get-into baby sling so I can wear Cameron and give my arms a break (or use them to type? oh no no no!). And she wants me to join PEPS (Partnership for Early Parenthood Support) right away.

From the appointment, my friend Awesome drove me up to Birth and Beyond where I rented an electric breast pump and got a new baby sling. I haven't tried out the sling yet. I should note again that my mom showed up that afternoon and she has been taking care of baby a lot while I sleep. (My. Mother. Rocks. In case you didn't know.)

But let me tell you, that electric breast pump is awesome. I was using a hand-operated one before. The electric one is way more productive, so much easier (because you don't have to pump away with your hands, using already overburdened arm and shoulder muscles), and it's actually more comfortable than the hand-operated one. If you or someone you know are expecting a baby, I strongly recommend you consider renting a hospital-grade electric pump. The one I got was $60/month to rent, and you have to buy a $40 sterilized you-only kit to go with it. (We got one for free because the lactation consultant hooked me up to the one in her office and gave me the kit she cracked open for me.) For a chunk of 4-5 hours of sleep in the middle of the night (MSH feeding him from a bottle,) easily obtained by pumping for fifteen minutes, I would pay twice that much this month. Easily.

I'd like to give a shout-out to my midwives--they gave us fantastic prenatal care, and postnatal in the hospital, natch. But since these issues reared their ugly heads, they've been awesome--not only scheduling me a prompt behavioral health appointment, but checking in with me every weekday! (And I'm on an HMO.) On Monday I'll see them for my regularly scheduled postpartum appointment, where I look forward to learning when I can start driving again, and when I can start a gentle yoga practice! (probably not until 8 weeks. But possibly later since my C-section incision didn't actually completely close until 2 weeks postpartum.)

Today it has been sunny. In Seattle. All day! I took a long, brisk walk down the hill and around the park, letting the sun beat upon my face. Thank you for your emails and phone calls, my sweet peeps. And now, it's time to take a nap while the wee babe slumbers...

Speed blogging

2008-01-10T15:13:00.000-08:00

Hello, Internet. It's been a while.

Here is an important thing that happened in the past six weeks:
I gave birth to a little boy. Because of Internet Privacy Paranoia, photos and name will not be published here. But here are some "fast facts:"
1. He has ten toes the size of Smurf jelly beans.
2. The top of his head smells like heaven.
3. Thank you for asking, yes, he is The Most Gorgeous Baby On The PlanetTM.

Because he is here, all blog posts shall heretofore be written in ten minutes or less. (If they are written at all, but you assumed that based on the three months radio silence. Internet silence, that is.)

Even considering every week with a newborn is a big week, as they are changing and growing by leaps and bounds, this is a big week. Today the Cat left. Those of you who know the Cat will know what kinds of mixed emotions roiled as she departed, with the kind woman who adopted her to us thirteen months ago. She'll be tested for feline leukemia virus, live with the kind woman for up to a few weeks, and hopefully be adopted to another family. (If she's not snapped up, she'll be back here after a few weeks to await adoption, as the Kind Woman is going to Mexico for a long vacation.) As clear-cut a decision as it was to send the cat away, it is still a really heart-wrenching day when you send away someone who's been living with you for a year and is soft, purrs, and is cuddly and loving at certain times a day. And never intended to do harm and has NO IDEA why am I in this crate, hey that lady looks familiar, hey where am I going, why are my treats in a bag HEY!!!!! But you know, there's the biting. The Pros and Cons list looks something like this:

PRO: Softest Cat On PlanetTM
CON: Could innocently hop into the babe's crib and smother him (I know it's unlikely, but it's not like we're about to take a chance. She likes to curl up on people's necks and practically cover their faces, so you do the math.)

PRO: Cat is very sociable, snuggly, and gives kisses.
CON: Cat attacks lower legs at least every other day--progeny will soon attain size of lower leg.

For the record, she never acted aggressive toward the babe--she licked the top of his head a few times (wouldn't we all like to), once his feet, and at other times acted completely indifferent, and did not react when MSH put his little piston-kicking feet against her kitty head. We were hemming and hawing until a week ago, when we shut the door to the nursery (the babe was NOT in it) and unwittingly shut the Cat inside. When we opened the door, she was in the crib. This is what is called a Visual Aid--it aids learning, and like that *snap!* it was time to seriously get the ball rolling. Or the cat rolling.

All this is made harder by the fact that I may have postpartum depression. We called my midwives yesterday morning and after a phone chat, they scheduled me an appointment with a counselor for tomorrow. The counselor specializes in women's issues and postpartum issues. The bad news is: I feel like shit. Seriously. I don't know how anyone is sleep-deprived for this long and isn't depressed. (It's a form of torture, after all.) The good news is: I have excellent support and medical care, and I'm addressing it promptly.

This doesn't mean I don't love my son, or that I regret that he's here. I love being this baby's mommy, and the days since he's been born have been the most meaningful and joyful of my life. I once caught myself thinking, if I die tomorrow, these weeks are what I would want to remember in the next life. This love. But being the mother of a newborn is Incredibly Challenging, and you can usually count the hours of sleep in a 24-hour period on one hand, and you forget to eat and pee and replace your maxipad and finish your sentence. And because I'm healing from a Cesarean, I can't exercise yet beyond short, easy walks (read: no yoga.) And I am brittle and sometimes have irrational thoughts and cry four times a day and I'm anxious and Overwhelmed. I feel like shit and I need help.

Even if I don't have PPD, our family needs additional support, and friends and family are stepping up to the plate gangbuster-style. That's really good news. I am being very open about this because mental illness is illness, and I wouldn't hush up about pneumonia. Our society stigmatizes mental illness and that makes it hard to get treatment, so if there's even a remote chance that by blabbing my mouth (and let's face it, I'm good at that) I might encourage someone else to seek help who might otherwise suffer silently, I gotta be loud about this.

This wouldn't be complete without saying: if you feel comfortable doing so, I need your help, too. This is a little exercise for me because: I have a hard time asking for and receiving help. (Like Sandra Bullock's character in "28 Days" who is required to wear a sign around her neck in rehab that says "Don't believe me if I say I don't need help.") At first I only called the friends who after offering help early on looked me in the eye and repeated "Seriously. Call. Me. If. You. Need. Anything." So! Help can mean a lot of things. I would love a supportive email. I've received a few already and I like to reread them. They make me feel strong.

Dammit, that was twenty minutes.

Wet day, bug on my doorjamb

2007-10-22T16:36:00.001-07:00

Cool bug!
Originally uploaded by NiceMarmot

Book Meme

2007-10-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

From My imaginary friend is more erudite and charming than your imaginary friend.

These are the instructions: "Bold what you have read, italicize those you started but couldn't finish, and strike through what you couldn't stand. Add an asterisk to those you've read more than once. Underline those on your to-read list."

These are my comments: I have left untouched those that I can't remember if I read. And there are a lot of those. Mostly a condemnation of my scattered mind, not the book in question! I once had a book borrowed for a long time from Ms. My imaginary friend, and I took it off my shelf one day to read it, thinking, "Wow, I've had this for a long time and I should really read it and send it back." I read it for, as I recall, more than thirty pages before I realized I'd read it already, a few months before. So there you go. Also: The "to-read" list is a really nebulous concept for me. I tried to be realistic about what I'm really going to read, considering I'm going to give birth to my first child in two months or less. And now, having completed the list: I am as poorly read as I have always claimed to be, for an English major especially. And it is embarrassing how many of these I had to look up on Wikipedia for the author and what-the-heck-is-it!

By the way: My favorite book of all time is on this list. And the list is supposed to be "most unread" or something like that. So not only am I hideously unlettered, I have odd taste.

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell (underline)
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Don Quixote
Moby Dick (strikethrough)
Life of Pi: a novel (I've tried twice)
The Name of the Rose
Ulysses
The Brothers Karamazov
Jane Eyre
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice*
A Tale of Two Cities
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Iliad
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
The Kite Runner
The Blind Assassin
Emma
The Time Traveler's Wife
American Gods
Atlas Shrugged
Quicksilver
Wicked: the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
Middlesex
Memoirs of a Geisha
Reading Lolita in Tehran: a memoir in books
The Historian: a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault's Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible: a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D'Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver's Travels
Les Miserables
The Corrections
The Amazing adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela's Ashes: a memoir
The God of Small Things*
A People's History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being (strikethrough)
Beloved*
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Scarlet Letter*
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse : How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye*
On the Road (strikethrough)
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: an Inquiry into Values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity's Rainbow
The Hobbit*
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

Summer Sunset in Wenatchee

2007-09-10T18:41:00.001-07:00

Sunset in Wenatchee, 8.12.07
Originally uploaded by NiceMarmot

More Shameless Product Placement

2007-08-31T11:37:00.000-07:00

Although is it shameless since I have not been compensated for my reviews?

Just thought after my preggo wardrobe rant, I should include another RAVE:

These underwear. They are SOOOO comfortable, they even transcend that usual "OK now I have underwear on" sensation when you put them on. I feel *comforted* when I put them on. Of course, they're the Cadillac so I bought one package (2 pairs) and now I'm hooked; they are so much more comfortable than anything else, including the maternity underwear I got at Motherhood Maternity. I get bigger and bigger and more pairs of my regular underwear get uncomfortable! I just went back this morning for another package--they are $23/2 pr at my local maternity shop. But WORTH IT!!

On an unrelated note, I aspire to use reusable shopping bags, but find they are always in my house or my car and not my hot little hand when I make a purchase. The solution? A zip-up version I got at the natural drugstore the other day. It folds/zips up to about 5x7 and flat and easily fits in my handbag. And when I've deposited my items at home, I zip it back up and put it back in my handbag, which is at that point inside my house. It's a fool-proof system for forgetful me.

If you want to see this bag, go here--it's all framey so dumb me needs to give you instructions:
"Products" "View Products" then click "Next" to view "Zip-Up" Green Bag.

Opinions/Observations/Advice Regarding Pregnancy (Month 6)

2007-08-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

1. Only craving so far: real lemonade. (Of course, normal pre-pregnancy cravings of chocolate, pasta, cheese, fruit, etc., continue unabated.)

ITEM #2, Maternity Wardrobe, About Which I Have Many Opinions

2a. The best place to buy maternity clothes that are moderately fashionable (you can take that with a grain of salt if you've seen how I sometimes leave the house) do not make you feel like a giant ship being fitted out for sails is the GAP Maternity department (sales rack, of course!)

2b. Many maternity clothing brands/companies claim that you can "wear your prepregnancy size." As far as I can tell, this is only true if your ass, hips, and thighs have remained exactly the same size. And since that doesn't happen unless you're Nicole Richie, the first sentence of this item is hornswoggle.

2c. At the beginning, you can get away with wearing XL pants. At some point around the 5th month, this didn't work for me anymore, at least not with pants. You can get away with a lot in dresses and even skirts that have knit panel or foldover waists, but then your thighs (If you're not Nicole Richie) will chafe. I hear some people deal with this by buying bicycle shorts to wear underneath. I'm still wearing gauchos with v. stretchy waistbands.

2d. More hornswoggle: Old Navy maternity pants (jeans!) come in Small, Medium, and Large. I'm skeptical. I have a medium, and I'll keep you posted. I'm quite skeptical.

2e. Never buy a piece of maternity clothing, especially pants, without trying it on. I hit the jackpot with a maternity bathing suit and *possibly* those Medium jeans from OldNavy.com. But if sizing varies widely brand to brand, it's even more true of maternity clothing. Try sitting down in it walking around the whole store in it, reaching up to get something in it--I bought a pair of cropped jeans that were a great deal in a maternity resale shop, and I have to pull them up every ten steps I walk so they do not reveal plumber's crack. I think the elastic in the belly panel is just shot.

2f. You will have to buy some new stuff--don't beat yourself up about it. Look in resale shops if they're conveniently located and you have the time, but if you really NEED something that will cover your new [boobs, belly, ass] and you need it TODAY, go to a store that sells new items in a range of sizes. You can go to three resale stores and see things, but they will all be one of a kind...

2g. Buy pants with STRETCH in them, not just the stretchy belly/waist panel--stretch jeans, stretch trousers. Trust me. I don't think it's quite as necessary with shorts.

3. What To Expect When You're Expecting is a bunch of anxiety-inducing, Fox-News-style, useless, wool-gathering, fascist diet-promoting hogwash. You do not need to read about 800 things that could possibly but in 99% of cases probably WON'T go wrong with your pregnancy. It's written in this weird Q&A format. If you feel like something's wrong, don't try to find it in the Pregnancy Paranoia Primer, just ask your healthcare provider. Do not buy this book. If you bought it don't read it. If you're reading it, stop.

4. When you get pregnant, there will be one bra in your drawer that will fit you without digging into your belly at the in-between-the-boobs-bridge part. It will be one that was too big for you before, so if you lose weight, do not ever throw away bras.

5. The only preggo/childbirth book I have really loved so far is Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. It made me feel relaxed and excited and MUCH less fearful about giving birth. (Yes, your vajayjay CAN get that big!) The first half is real birth stories from different mothers; the second half is her studies/observations on current childbirth practices in the U.S., often contrasting these with data from The Farm, the commune in Tennessee where she's been delivering babies since 1970. She also has another book I haven't read yet, called Spiritual Midwifery.

6. Yoga is a really good thing for everybody to do, say, three times a week. During pregnancy, it is essential that you do some yoga, even if it's ten minutes! EVERY DAY, unless you want your body to be a creaky, painful, knot-ridden trainwreck. I think going to a prenatal yoga class is a wonderful thing--I've been going to one that's led by a yoga teacher/doula--but it's also great to have a DVD to pop in at home whenever you need two. Here are two I recommend; the first one is my go-to, I've used it the most:

Prenatal Yoga With Shiva Rea

The Divine Mother Prenatal Yoga Series with Anna Getty

8. Being pregnant is amazing. I love feeling the person inside me moving around. In the morning, he's often very active (and my abdominal muscles are relaxed, and I'm more perceptive) and I can feel him drumming a little tattoo on the inside of my belly. It's a delightful friendly feeling. I can't wait to meet the wee chap.

Prenatal yoga videos

2007-06-22T08:48:00.001-07:00

I can't believe I haven't posted since May.

Well, I didn't go to that prenatal yoga class again until this week. The teacher remembered my SI-joint issue on the left side. I have not been practicing enough yoga to heal it, apparently. Yesterday I had my first day of a new babysitting gig, watching three kids. It sounds like a lot, but they are pretty mellow, well-behaved kids! All the same, I was bending over to keep the 1.5-year-old from bonking her head while she toddled around the play structure at the park, and the SI area seized up and gave me shooting pain, so I couldn't move for a second and kind of grunted. Not good. Wednesday morning I took a Bikram class again for the first time in a long time, and that was good. The teacher is very therapeutic and used to be a massage therapist so he helped me with my messed-up tense neck as well as the pregnancy modifications. I didn't have to rest out any poses in the standing series, and it felt really good to practice in the heat again.

I now have three prenatal yoga videos, so I have no excuse for not practicing. The cat usually starts attacking me in the first two minutes, so I shut her in the bathroom for the duration! I don't know if I've reviewed the first two yet, so for now, the newest one is Gaiam Prenatal Yoga with Shiva Rea. It's widely available (ie, Barnes & Noble.) I got it from the library to suss it out before I bought it and only did the first 30 minutes but knew I wanted to have it. Shiva Rea could read the phone book and you'd probably relax, such is the nature of her voice! I like the poses, too, they are not too strenuous but you don't feel like you're doing nothing. And she has women with her in their second and third trimesters demonstrating modifications.

A few weeks ago I went on a week-long meditation retreat with my teacher, Venerable Thubten Chodron. The first time I went on this retreat, in 2005, I was persuaded to lead a short yoga class each day, even though I did not want to. It was this experience, and other things ripening on the retreat that led me to become a yoga teacher. Last year, I went on the retreat immediately before I left for teacher training. So it was fun and rewarding to lead the little class again this year! I had four to five students each day. I led a variety of poses, more of a traditional Hatha class with standing/balancing poses, hip openers, back bends, and forward poses (if we had time before our next session in the meditation hall.) Two women came every day. One of these had never done any yoga before, and really loved it. The expressions of relief and bliss on her face when she came out of some of the poses were so meaningful for me, almost made me cry sometimes. It was a reminder of how what I do can be beneficial to others if I do it well, and I came away feeling so grateful to my own yoga teachers for teaching me. The other woman who came every day told me at the end of retreat that she did so even though some days she didn't want to, because the previous year the days she didn't do yoga she felt "wacky" and didn't want to feel that way this year.

One thought that "my" studio owner mentioned a while ago and keeps coming up for me, is that a little bit of yoga is so much better than no yoga at all. I am a perfectionist and I get into an all-or-nothing attitude--I have to take a class in a studio, or do a whole yoga DVD or I shouldn't do it at all. But especially after retreat, where I just kind of cooked things up as I went along, I realized, if you do a few poses one day, you will feel much better than if you did zero! It doesn't have to be "perfect"--there is no perfect yoga, no perfect pose, no perfect yoga class. One reason why yoga is good for my particular brand of neurotic mind....

I hope you are enjoying summer! I may not post again for a while.

Obviously I need to take a yoga class

2007-05-30T22:42:00.000-07:00

Not only is my throat chakra closed up tightly (I keep getting tongue-tied! Thighs and glutes not Glighs and thutes!), but THIS is what I feel the need to share with you this evening:

Sean Preston Federline closely resembles Turtle from "Entourage." SP is like a mini-Turtle. I defy you to deny me.

I heart Craigslist

2007-05-29T20:41:00.000-07:00

For months I have been looking for a certain IKEA coffee table. My acquisition of this table was to be the domino that would allow for the completion of phase 2 of a minor reorganization of my living room. (CDs into storage bins in coffee table, freeing up bookshelf space for cookbooks, which are currently in a stack on the floor because of Winter Kitchen Reorg of January.) I was a little hinky about the money for a brand-new coffee table, and despite the allure of IKEA, I can always find a reason *not* to haul my hiney down to Renton. So I've been checking Craigslist furniture ads for months looking for this particular coffee table. Over the weekend, I found it--with photo, $50, in Bellevue. I pounced, with the (of course assumed) promise I'd pick up and I said I'd pay cash.

Tonight I went and picked it up. The girl selling it had had the table for six months; it had a few scratches, but I got this $99 dollar table for $50, and I didn't even have to put it together. And I only drove eight miles from my house!

I was apprehensive as to whether it would fit in my Coroller, having taken the measurements off the IKEA website and used a tape measure in my car's interior. But the friendly Craigslist user helped me carry it down from her apartment and it fit perfectly in the 'Roller's back seat! The beta endorphins from carrying the table down two flights of stairs, plus the joy of this stroke of luck, made us giddy! I thought we might hug, but she held out her hand so I shook it and wished her luck as she moved in with her boyfriend. (Hence the off-loading of the coffee table.)

So, to review: saved money, saved time, saved gas, saved work, brought me closer to my fellow woman! I heart Craigslist.

And now, because I used a favorite word, hiney, above, I thought I'd explore something 'Net wise. Ever been in a public restroom, zoning out as you let things take their course, and noticed the logo on the door latch? With a line drawing of a person behind a bathroom door, pants around ankles, and their eyes and single strand of curly-cue hair sticking up above the door? The name? HINEY HIDER!!! Well, it turns out it's HinyHider, and it's the most humorous legitimate name for a bathroom product since Honey Buckets. I finally found the HinyHider website (it was hiding, if you will, under that bogus spelling of hiney!) and friends, it did not disappoint. Not only is the HinyHider "the premier solid plastic toilet partition that revolutionized an industry," but these fine partitions are manufactured in the USA, in Scranton, Pennsylvania, home of the office in the NBC television program, "The Office!" It's too rich!

Back to my regularly scheduled yoga babble soon. Except I must say: teaching yoga in a hot room continues to take my morning sickness clean away!

So you don't think I'm obsessing about the toe

2007-05-24T12:26:00.000-07:00

A momentous occasion today, as I went shopping for maternity clothes for the first time. I went to a consignment shop in Greenwood. They only had one rack, but I got a top and jeans. The maternity jeans actually fit me well now, they are just really stretchy. I'm dubious whether they're going to be stretchy enough for nine months--depends how I carry. But they are cooler than any of my current jeans, so I thought for $13 I'd better buy them!

The top is one of those giant tent-like sleeveless maternity blouses. I don't like it much, but it's black, so I suppose I'll wear it at some point. Maybe on our trip to Europe. I need to find some more form-fitting stuff. Not that I just want to show off the belly when it develops (which I do) but I like to wear close-fitting tops. So I don't see that changing just because I'm pregnant. Maybe I'll change my mind when it's 87 degrees out, but after spending most of last summer in South Florida, where it was hotter and OMG much more humid, I'm not sure the Seattle summer scares me.

I guess I wasn't quite honest--I did buy two tops at H&M in San Francisco last week, but they don't count because they're not "maternity." One is just super long, and the other one is one of the myriad tops in malls right now that look like maternity wear, but aren't, and only look flattering on Very Thin People. Everyone else, methinks they make one look...pregnant.

In case you were wondering whether I'm just floating along in a sea of Pregnancy Stuff, I just finished an 870-page book: Citizens by Simon Schama. It is a chronicle of the French Revolution and it was a fascinating read. You may think that a bunch of hungry people got pissed off and overthrew the government--oh no no no it was not so simple! The author succeeds in pulling in many, many threads, but begins each section with a snapshot of one person's story, and in general describes the background and motivation of key characters, so you get what I think of as Juicy Bits. There's plenty of detail, but he effectively makes his points--that a cultural and social elite was a catalyst for the Revolution and in some respects led it, that the Revolution wrote checks no governmental body could cash so it was bound to disappoint the People it purported to lift up, and that wholesale, methodical violence was a logical consequence of violent language. The last part of the book in particular, which describes the counter-Revolution and the Terror, is far from light reading but frankly it's less disturbing than some of the pregnancy books I was reading a while ago. You read along, and it's all pony rides in May sunshine with the development of your fetus, and WHAM! There's a sidebar about molar pregnancy or some crap which affects like half of one percent of pregnancies. There is no good reason for me to read that kind of twoddle! If it happens, I will see a doctor, and it will suck BIGTIME but in the meantime to know of this possibility causes me stress! And guess who gets stressed out as soon as I do? THE LITTLE BUD IN MY BELLY! Nobody is benefited by my reading about these rare conditions and defects. I do not want to read about that crap so I've been proceeding in my pregnancy reading very gingerly.

And in case you forgot about the toe, I got some natural ointment stuff (pregnancy safe!) to speed healing of my toe. I taped Little Toe to his brother toe today. So far so good.

I just got a pregnancy yoga DVD in the mail. I'll report soon.

Breaking Toe Update

2007-05-23T18:35:00.000-07:00

Get it? Breaking toe update? I crack myself up.

So, Tuesday morning I did not teach, I slept in, I elevated, I iced. I even took (regular! plain! for the knocked-up chicks!) Tylenol. The toe feels MUCH better. Didn't do much of anything this day except for go to the doctor and get a sexy new shoe. I also determined that I can drive (yay!) And the PA I saw convinced me that I really have to baby this toe to get it to heal in time for our trip to France and Scotland. Time will be short. I'm going to get some acupuncture and use some comfrey and arnica to speed healing.

This morning I taught, sitting in a chair, with my foot up on a ballet bar at the back of the room. At one point I caught sight of myself in the mirror (I almost NEVER do this because I am afraid I will start giggling--on a normal day, I mean) and I looked like the peg-leg pirate with my leg up and my bottle of grog. (Grog being the water in my Klean Kanteen.)

This afternoon I decided at 3:50 I'd go to the 4:00 Gentle Hatha yoga class at YogaLife. I hadn't practiced yoga in five days and particularly since the toe has limited my movement, the rest of the body is closing in like vultures... Now that studio is close to my house, but not that close. Especially when you can't hurry. This injury is actually the *perfect* teaching for me in three key ways:

1. I literally can't hurry on foot. I will have to PLAN to be on time and walk at a normal (or limpy) pace. As it was I scooted in after the teacher had started going around the room asking for intros/aches and pains

2. I have to ask for help. (I thought of this when I got up from the floor of the studio to fetch my props and a woman jumped up after me and kindly got them for me.) I am TERRIBLE at asking for help. Because if I ask for help, someone will point their giant finger at me and say YOU WHINY LITTLE WEAKLING!!! They will, you see. The same "they" who are all going to laugh at you. So, obviously I need some work THERE.

3. I can't push myself. The PA said if the toe is in pain, it's delaying healing.

The class was good. I was surprised at how much I could do without flexing my wee toe! Actually, my SI joint on the left side hurt MUCH more than my toe, and my toe just hurt at random times when I was trying to move here and there, not in the poses. I left my sexy shoe on during the class, of course. I was trying to get into a squatting pose, and the SI joint was just radiating pain, and I was grimacing.

"Amazing what a little toe can do," said the teacher, noticing my visible discomfort.
"Actually it's my SI joint," I grunted.
"Oh, well if you're really in pain, don't do this pose."

Um. Duh. Yeah. I'm a yoga teacher, supposedly. HOW many times have I told my students "you should not be in pain in yoga!" Do you THINK maybe I could heed my own advice? (See above, issue #3 where I have to push myself, but GEEZ!)

Tip for Teachers: If your toe gets broke

2007-05-21T23:03:00.001-07:00

If you suspect, based on reliable medical advice over the phone, that your toe is broken, and the reliable medical adviser tells you to stay off it, ice 20 min. per hour, and elevate it above your heart, you should probably cancel the yoga class you're supposed to teach that evening and do those things. Because otherwise, it will swell up significantly, and you will be in even more pain. Trust me. I have learned something, because I called and told them I can't teach tomorrow morning. Supposedly it takes 4-6 weeks for a broken toe to heal. Send me some healing thoughts, because I am leaving for Europe in 6 weeks, and doing a 7-day meditation retreat (at a quasi-rustic retreat facility in the forest) in the intervening time.

No yoga lately

2007-05-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

Color me lazy. I was in San Francisco last week, I teach in the afternoons on the weekends and don't have the juice to make it to a morning class. This morning I was planning to go to the 8:30 Purna yoga again, but I overslept, and woke at 9:20. I tried to race down to the 9:30 at my home studio, but didn't make it in time. I was going to come home and do a video, but after I checked my email, I was too damned hungry!

In short: woulda, shoulda, coulda.

Then at 3:15, I broke my little toe! I stubbed it on this concrete corner of a wall in the basement. Where I'd stubbed it five hours before. Maybe this is the part of my pregnancy where I'm clumsy and whack parts of my body into things. Anyway, we'll see how much yoga I can do with a bum toe. I'm teaching tonight and planning to do it sitting down with my toe elevated!

Seattle Yoga Studio Sampler: Maple Leaf Community Yoga

2007-05-14T10:31:00.000-07:00

Maple Leaf Community Yoga is a small studio located in the Maple Leaf neighborhood. (No way!) Mondays right now they have a 90-minute Gentle yoga class that starts at 8:30. I am always looking for a morning yoga class that lets me begin the rest of my day prior to 11:15!

There are two teachers at the studio, and they teach Purna Yoga, which the teacher this morning described as alignment-based. She also went out of her way to emphasize that the pose should be tailored to each practitioner's needs, and that everyone's body and hence pose, is different. I always appreciate when teachers empahsize this; it's very, very important for people to hear, especially those new to yoga, to get them out of a monkey-see, monkey-do; achievement-oriented, get a good grade mindset.

The studio is in a converted small studio apartment, ground floor. It's a very simple, informal, but peaceful space. We began with a seated centering exercise, with eyes closed, quasi-meditative, and three Oms. For some reason as soon as I sat down in Virasana (a kneeling position with the feet out to the side of the hips, sitting on cushions) I started to feel very peaceful. This I took as a very good sign for how the class would go for me. Then we did a "morning series" to wake up the back. It did--I felt great after this. The rest of the class she emphasized opening up the shoulders--one of my "problem areas." The poses she had us do all involved movement, and for this reason and the fact one of the shoulder openers was the same as one Sue uses, the class reminded me of the Molokai retreat I went on in January. The shoulder openers were INCREDIBLE. I could feel my shoulder blades literally moving apart and the muscles between relaxing. This is so unlike my body's natural tendency that it was emotionally moving! We ended with Savasana and three Oms.

I really enjoyed the teacher, her presentation was very natural, we were free to ask questions and she really brought out the relaxation element when demonstration by saying "aah!" at times. :)

There was a man in the class for whom this morning was his first encounter with yoga. I always feel privileged to be in on someone's yoga debut. He'd heard about the benefits of yoga from a book by Russell Simmons. After the morning series he exclaimed "I've never felt so relaxed in my life!" and after class said he just felt wonderful. I love to hear that. My first experience with yoga was a PM Yoga video by Patricia Walden in about 1998 and I remember feeling an intense, pleasant natural high afterward.

The classes are small (the space is small) at Maple Leaf Community Yoga, so if you want to drop in, they like it if you call ahead. They encourage registering for a series. The series format is excellent for the student and I'm sure better sustains the studio. I'm planning to register for as much of the rest of the Monday morning series (runs through the end of June) as I can.

Tip for Teachers: Saying No

2007-05-11T15:16:00.000-07:00

Despite the new "rule" I'd set for myself that I wasn't going to teach two classes in one day, since I've lacked stamina and gained nausea during this first trimester of pregnancy, I taught four classes in 26 hours Wednesday and Thursday. Two of those were "special favors" for a studio where the usual teacher of those classes has been sick and is losing her voice. By the fourth class, *I* was starting to lose my voice. I guess I've lost some voice stamina, too.

It's important as a teacher to know the limits of your body, your mind, your energy. Everyone's limits are different, but once you've become aware of them, respect them. It's not like a desk job where you can do it for eight hours a day, five days a week. Studio owners trying to get classes covered aren't necessarily looking out for you or your health; they're looking to cover the classes because that's what they need to keep their business running. Don't let studio owners guilt or manipulate you into overworking yourself.

For the most part I thought I taught good classes, but last night and into today I have been bone tired. And I don't use that term lightly--I mean my bones and joints are heavy and achy.

This is mostly a letter to myself--probably more than most I want to receive approval (especially from those in authority) and make everybody happy. This is a recipe to make myself unhappy. You can't be of best benefit to others if you are physically and mentally depleted. As my teacher says, you must have compassion for yourself in order to have compassion for others.

Not-Quite-A-Studio-Sampler

2007-05-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

Tuesday I went to my first pre-natal yoga class, at Yogalife Green Lake.

THAT'S RIGHT--I'm with child. Knocked up. Preggers. Sweet!!!

I've been to Yogalife before, and had been meaning to try this class for a few weeks. I felt "behind" because I hadn't added a specifically pre-natal class to my weekly yoga routine. But I was by far the least pregnant woman there (meaning I am at ten weeks; all the other 14 or so women were 20 weeks or more.)

The class started out with guided deep relaxation, propped up on blocks and bolsters so my spine was at a 45-degree angle. It was great. I'd never been in a class that *began* with relaxation. After that we did postures and some "exercises" ie leg-lifts. It was nice, but I think I'll appreciate it more when I'm in my late second and my third trimesters. All the same, I think I'll keep going from time to time because I really liked the teacher (she is also a doula) and I *loved* being in a room with a bunch of pregnant women. From the day after I found out I was pregnant, I have felt this strong connection with, and desire to connect with, other women who are pregnant. So hopefully I can make some friends in this class or at my midwives' office. :)

We heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time yesterday. It was SO amazing. By far, it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I know that is a very odd thing to say, but it's completely true. MSH and I were completely blown away. I wanted to listen to it ALL DAY. Next time we're going to record it so we can play it whenever we want. (Which won't be for another five weeks!) The heartbeat was at a healthy rate, and we left the appointment grinning and laughing.

Virginia Beach

2007-05-02T08:50:00.000-07:00

Every calendar year, I have to do something with Jimmy as "continuing education" to keep my Barkan Method certification. There are a variety of options (sit in on part of the next Level I training, attend Level II training, or attend a weekend workshop.) Since he and his graduates are mostly on the East Coast, I knew I would probably have to travel far, and I decided to get it out of the way early in the year.

I went last weekend to Jimmy's workshop at Hot House Yoga in Virginia Beach, VA. If you live in the area, I highly, highly recommend visiting the studio. It is in a strip mall in between a used book store and a check-cashing place, but inside is a beautiful yoga sanctuary! It has private toilets and showers, a dressing room like one at a cushy spa (towels complimentary) and more importantly, the studio space is incredible. Mirrors on three walls, ceiling painted to look like the sky with clouds, and a serene mural painted on the back wall. The heat is perfect--they have a commercial humidifier built right onto the heating system--I was sweating optimally; it was so nice and hot but I felt GREAT because the sweat was cooling me off so efficiently.

The studio is owned by three brothers and a sister. Two brothers and the sister are teachers there. The two brothers visited, taught, and helped clinic at my training last summer, and they are wonderful teachers. (Jimmy had raved about them and their studio, which is part of the reason I picked this workshop.)

Friday evening was a Barkan method class. Oh, how I've missed it! To the casual observer, the differences on paper between Barkan and Bikram might appear minor at first glance, but when you're practicing, they make a huge difference. Saturday and Sunday sessions there was a lecture on the history of yoga, followed by a clinic and a class (all classes led by Jimmy.) Saturday was a Vinyasa class ie Level II. Most of the attendees were students at the studio, and the room was full (40+ people) and full of good energy.

I stayed the weekend with a teacher I trained with last summer, which was really nice--got to fix my own meals and chill out when I wasn't at the studio. Saturday night a bunch of us went out to dinner with Jimmy and it was a lot of fun. I've found for the most part yoga peeps are a great bunch!

So: I had a very good weekend. :)

Doug Swenson Workshops

2007-04-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to two great workshops at Sanctuary Yoga in Redmond led by Doug Swenson. The first was "Mastering the Secrets of Flow Yoga." So, a long vinyasa class comparing soft vinyasas to hard vinyasas. It was so cool just to watch him demonstrate--he's short and 100% muscle from decades of yoga and martial arts, and he just moves so fluidly, making very demanding poses and transitions look so easy! He also has a very peaceful presence, doesn't talk very loudly or what you would think of as charismatically but draws everyone's attention and had very interesting things to say. And he has a good sense of humor and fun, something you don't necessarily expect when you go to work with a serious yogi or yogini, but I think it's really important. He gave wonderful adjustments. My friend who doesn't practice yoga much came with me and had a great experience, too--so you know his workshops are perfect for beginners or intermediate students!

He mentioned in the first workshop how doing yoga in the morning can help you be more efficient and relaxed throughout the day. Seems obvious, but if I've noticed that if I skip my morning yoga in the name of "getting more done" I don't really get more done than if I hadn't gone to class.

Sunday's workshop was pure fun--"Partner Yoga and Adjustments." Going from Chaturanga to Down Dog with someone pulling your hips up FOR you as you do it is awesome--whee!!! There were things like Triangle, Revolved Triangle, and Revolved Warrior II with a partner, twisting in between the poses; it really felt like dancing. We did Balancing Airplane balanced on someone's feet (they're on their back holding you up with their feet--like you'd do with a baby!) He alternated partner yoga poses with your partner giving you adjustments in a pose. There were many moments which caused one to say: "ooooh...that feels so good!" They filmed this workshop so hopefully there will be a DVD out sometime soon. I recently got a book called Partner Yoga but I haven't cracked it yet...more on that soon!

Friday Seattle Yoga Studio Sampler

2007-03-30T11:38:00.000-07:00

So, Fridays are my "free" day. With the goal (that I've been recently ignoring) of incorporating more gentle, restorative yoga into my routine, I've decided to go each free Friday to a new yoga studio in Seattle. Then I'll write about it here.

The leader of my yoga retreat in January, and one of the friends I made on the retreat, have both studied with the owners/teachers at Hatha Yoga Center in Seattle, Bob & Ki. They came highly recommended, so I made this my first official Friday Sample.

Hatha Yoga Center (est. 1977) is located in a converted church in the University District. The ceiling is painted blue, the floor is carpeted, and the place is decorated with shiny pillows, candles, mirrors, and Balinese angel puppets hanging from the ceiling. I walked in and there was no front desk, no teacher evident, no waiver/information form to fill out, but students were laying out their mats and warming up. So I did the same. As I usually do in my forays to non-heated studios, I forgot to wear a comfy long-sleeved warm-up layer, so I kept my zip-up sweatshirt on.

Right at 10:00, the class start time, Bob walked in. Ki was there taking class as well. We started with some sun salutations and then used a mini-basketball to do myofascial release on the spine (self-massage rolling your spine on the ball on the floor--it's awesome.) I'd done similar things at the January retreat, with smaller balls. Bob is an incredibly experienced teacher, very intuitive at adjustments and assessing students' bodies, just looking around the room and noting that there were lots of tight-hamstring people. I was able to trust him very quickly. He's very encouraging, constantly aware of students' poses. And like any teacher who's been teaching for more than 20 years, he knows the words to say to help you *get* things. I've tried Crow I don't know how many times and just feel so afraid and unstable and never get in the neighborhood of lifting my toes up off the ground with good balance. He said "back and out"--back with the hips, lengthening out with the chest, and I got very close and it felt really good!

After the warm-up, he asked students what they wanted to do in the rest of class, but for myself and two other new students, he just said "I'm not going to ask you, I know you [indicating me] need shoulders, you need lower back..." And he's right. My shoulders are friggin knots. We did some inversions. I overcame a lot of my fear around these on retreat and now I find them challenging and invigorating! There were some partner yoga poses, and we ended with partner massage around the shoulders for a minute and a half. (Yeah!) Then at the end he just had me walk into the kitchen, and wrote down my name and marked on a calendar that I'd attended class. They only take cash or check (which I have not) so I can just owe them for a class. Very kind!

I felt just *lovely* afterward. I was reminded of something Krista said lately--that a 75 or 90-minute class is great, but even a little yoga feels so good! Not that this was a little yoga, but in my experience I would add: All kinds of yoga feel so good!

Spring & Yoga

2007-03-29T18:31:00.000-07:00

At my afternoon class today, I was so excited because the first student to show up was one I hadn't seen all winter. He says he would get bored if he did yoga all year, although this is only his first year as a yogi. He was snowboarding all winter. We talked about how classes shrink in spring and especially summer--I know people like to do other things, but don't they like to feel the fantabulousest ever (from yoga?) Everyone isn't as crazy about yoga as I am, but this is my first summer teaching and I will be sad to see the classes dwindle--but hey--back in the day I played hookie from yoga to frolic in the sun, too! When it comes to sun in Seattle, GET IT WHILE YOU CAN.

Case in point: It was 60 degrees and sunny today and only had three students in class. I like the informal atmosphere in a small class when they're students I know well. For example, one of my students laughed at one of my tongue-tyings. When I get tangled up and can't tango on for a second, sometimes I'm afraid the students are silently judging me. I can't imagine why because I have nothing but compassion and slack to cut for my teachers. I hope everyone mustered their compassion for this little verbal train wreck: In a couple of the backbends I sometimes say: "Lift your chest, like someone is pulling up a string at your breastbone." Well, I think I'll have to eliminate that. I guess you should never say breast in your cues, because then you'll end up saying: "Lift your chest, like someone is pulling a breast..." I completely lost my cool, deer in the headlights, and then said very emphatically "STRING!"

long day

2007-03-26T22:48:00.000-07:00

Got up and for some reason had a raging desire to clean the house. Knowing how rare and precious the urge was, I cleaned until I had to leave for my shift volunteering answering phones at the local NPR affliate's pledge drive. This was enjoyable, and I finished two crosswords. Not so good was the fact I ate a doughnut.

Why was it bad that I ate a doughnut? I did a sugar detox about a week ago--no refined sugar for seven days. Everyone asks me why I did this; I wanted to stop being an addict! Cookies, doughnuts, cupcakes, chocolates--many a waking moment were spent fiending for the next one. At the end of lunch and dinner every day, I had to feed the treat monkey and I was tired of it and I'm prone to UTIs and high sugar consumptions raises the likelihood I'll get one SO! I cracked down. Also I was inspired by a fellow yoga teacher. The first three days were the hardest, but then I felt much better. I have always known that a treat at lunch shoots my afternoon yoga practice in the foot, and of course the detox was good for my yoga. And I don't crave treats all the time, it's great! Thing is, I can't go back. I can have a leeeeetle bit of sugar (although I don't want it in my tea anymore)--like a wee piece of dark chocolate, but beyond that, it gives me a tummy ache and I have a more pronounced sugar crash than ever before. Example: today's pledge drive donut. Why why why did I eat it? About two hours later I felt like crap--dizzy, lightheaded, no energy. I really felt like lying down but persevered through my shopping and on to the yoga studio to teach because I BROUGHT THIS ON MYSELF.

Good news is, I taught a great (full) class at 4:30, took a class at 6:30 (perhaps ill-advised given the day's nutrition and the fact I hadn't packed for tomorrow's trip but I NEEDED it, hadn't practiced in a while and my neck was getting to Code Red) and taught again at 8:15. (I had so much resistance in the class--I classify amounts of resistance in a Vinyasa class by the number of times I think VERY loudly to myself: "You have GOT to be f****ing KIDDING me!"---but of course I still felt great afterward and my neck is better.) I had a snack with me but forgot to eat it before teaching the second class! So I came home and ate, returned the calls I had to return, and now I have to hose myself down and flop into bed for a few hours before hightailing it south! I'll be helping my sis pack and organize prior to moving, and I'm going to take REGULAR YOGA BREAKS! AND HYDRATE! DO YOU HEAR ME, SELF!?!??!

More training?

2007-03-09T11:40:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to figure out two things right now:

1. How to fit in some time with my teacher Jimmy Barkan in calendar year 2007, to keep up my certification.

2. Whether to do a Power Vinyasa training this year. And with whom.

Also, my cat has climbed up on my back, clamped one front paw to either side of my head, and is furiously grooming (licking) my hair. What a freak. Cute, though.

Friday Fantastic

2007-03-09T11:28:00.000-08:00

I hadn't taken a yoga class in over a week. So just in case you were thinking "oh she's a yoga teacher she practices twice a day I'm not worthy," well, you can cut that sh@t out! I was so busy getting ready for the garage sale, which occurred last Sunday, then was on my feet all day at the sale, didn't drink any water*, and what do you know?! Got sick on Monday afternoon. Fever, raging headache, chills, and fatigue. I did teach the 4:30 since I got up from a nap and figured out I was actually sick only 20 minutes before I had to be there to open the studio and turn on the heat (I taught most of the class sitting down and tried to send out the good energy with my voice!) but got a sub for my 8:15 class. Finally felt like myself again on Wednesday but this is the first day I got my hiney to class, a Power Vinyasa. It was great. There was one lunge sequence where I felt like I was in the Yoga Zone--I was breathing deeply, challenging my body, but staying with it and not struggling! It felt like I was floating. Delicious feeling.

When I got home, the teacher who normally teaches 4:30 today called and asked if I'd teach it. And I am full of energy, so I said Yes! I'm excited.

Today is Day 2 of my week-long Sugar Detox. I have battled the Demon Refined Sugar for so long. Unsuccessfully. I have been emailing with another teacher and SHE did it for a week and told me how (dried fruit and all-fruit spread!), so *I* can do it. So no refined sugar or honey. (White foods OK. Baby steps.) I have so many reasons:

1. Refined sugar feeds the bacteria in one's urinary tract that create a delightful habitat for the mean bacteria which cause infection. Or something like that. I'm not a doctor. But I'm UTI-prone (one went into my kidneys last year) and this is a big reason.

2. It (negatively) affects my yoga practice. When I've had a treat earlier in the day, an afternoon or evening practice feels flat, I'm often light-headed or dizzy even when well-hydrated. Last year this was enough to keep me from the treats at lunch. But of course not after dinner.

3. Sugar encourages inflammation anywhere and everywhere in the body (skin, joints, etc.) and negatively affects the immune system.

4. I don't like being a slave to the craving in my head that goes off after each meal and between meals telling me to eat something sweet sweet sweet now now now!

FYI after a week I'm going to see how I do with INDIVIDUALLY PACKAGED pieces of dark dark chocolate. Because. Chocolate.

*estupid!

No, not a nutty pod...

2007-02-28T11:48:00.000-08:00

This week I started using a Neti pot (this very one). Once you figure out what you do with it (pour salt water into one nostril and it drains out the other nostril into the sink), your first impression may be "gross!" but I tell you, my allergies started up this week and since I started using the Neti pot, I have barely sneezed! They can be great for those prone to sinus infections, too. I use it first thing in the morning and it eliminates that stuffy-nose feeling that is typical for me when I wake up in spring and summer. . It was a weird feeling at first, but afterwards I feel GREAT, my whole head feels light and bright and I'm ready to face the day. Better than a cup of tea! (Just kidding, sis.)

Wow! That was a long nap.

2007-02-28T10:58:00.000-08:00

Because I like lists, and because I know you're busy, I'm going to bullet point for you the last few months. Sorry if this is a repeat for any of you:

Nov. 30, Thursday, got a cat. (Photo soon.) I figured out I've been wanting one for 18 years when my mom got rid of our cat Sabrina when we moved across town. Without telling me first. Luckily I'm not bitter. My friend Ruth fosters cats and I was over at her house and introduced me to this 6=month old kitten who'd been living in a cat carrier in her laundry room because she had FeLV and couldn't be at a shelter. (Ruth keeps the hard-luck cats she temporarily fosters in the laundry room to be safe from her three big rowdy dogs.) I couldn't resist her--she cuddled up under my chin and started purring LOUD like a motorboat. I had to try and knew if I called and told MSH I was bringing a cat home he'd say no. So...I did a naughty thing and just brought her home SURPRISE! Long story short, he was pissed, but kitty did her charming bit and soon he was in deep smit. She is the silliest, jumpiest, weirdest, most affectionate, people-loving kitty ever. She's on my lap right now. Cuddles! After three intense days of discussion, she was named Shilo. For the Neil Diamond song, NOT Brangelina's baby, although the book about the dog, Shilo Inns, and the Civil War battlefield are all acceptable answers.
Worked 30 hours a week at the office job, throughout Nov. and Dec. while teaching 8 yoga classes a week, pinging my boss to hire a replacement at the office, and tearing my hair out.
In the midst of all this, on December 13, started participating in the Sravasti Abbey Chenrezig Retreat from Afar. I haven't done it every day, especially not after I got back from Molokai, but I'm doing it now, and it's been wonderful. This is the same practice I did at a week-long retreat in June last year, and will be doing again in June for a week this year.
Had the least amount of Christmas spirit ever in 29 Christmases. This included foregoing a tree, then finding out we were hosting MSH's nuclear fam on Christmas Eve. MSH got a new ladder, and so we gathered around the light-bedecked, ornament-adorned Christmas LADDER on Dec. 24 before celebrating with extended family in Tacoma Dec. 25. The ladder was very cheery, shiny, didn't drop needles, and didn't need water. It was also very easy to put away. (Photo soon.)
(Two days after Christmas, purchased a $60 fake Christmas tree with lights built in for $10 at Bartell's. That 2007 Christmas tree is in the bag. As if I needed another reason to love Bartell's. Yes, I love real trees, but we're not going to go on that adventure until we have Kids Who Walk.)
Got Christmas cards out late. (But before the end of January!)
Finished my office job. The goodbye tea was on Thurs, Dec. 22. People said very kind things about me and I will tell you I miss the people. My boss wrote a highly complimentary letter which he sent to my dharma center with a contribution in my name! I thought that was really cool. They also gave me a gift certificate to Cafe Flora, one of my favorite restaurants. My last day was supposed to be Dec. 23. I finished my last project on Dec. 31 at 4:45 PM, before heading for a candlelit silent Bikram yoga class. Which was amazing, and I also felt, symbolic--end of the year, end of that chapter in my life--now: YOGA!
The last week of January, I went to Molokai, Hawaii for a yoga retreat. (Photos soon.) This was one of the most relaxing, renewing, peaceful, and growth-causing (?) weeks I've experienced outside of a meditation retreat. The place, Hui Ho'olana, was gorgeous, peaceful, and had a wonderful calm energy just like a meditation retreat center. (They hold retreats not only for yoga, but painting, meditation, creativity, dance, and photography.) The food was delicious, very nutritious, organic, and mostly derived from the Hui's bountiful garden. Fresh tropical fruit every morning, DIOS MIO! The yoga teacher, from Portland, I hadn't even met before, but my godparents recommended the retreat to me and I know they think the world of this teacher, so of course I went! And she is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. I'd been planning on this (re)treat for a year. (MSH couldn't go because in his current job he's not allowed to take vacation in December, January, or February.) It was really special to get to spend a whole week with them. They are dear friends and role models for me (they officiated our wedding) and I felt like I really got to form a more meaningful connection with them. Not to mention all the other people on the retreat, whom I'd never met, were all from Portland, fun, easy to be with. Here I am rambling.
After the retreat, I was bitter to be home. I know that's the wrong reaction to have to a perfect, dream-like retreat vacation, but it was. No gourmet vegetarian delicious food. No sunshine. Just me and some free time. I watched a lot of TV in between teaching yoga classes. It wasn't a good time for me.
I snapped out of it. Haven't watched TV during the day since. I'm organizing a big garage sale, doing dharma center work, back to meditating daily as part of the retreat from afar. I try to go for at least a short walk each day. Haven't felt like running. I've read two great books: The Female Brain and The Bounty. I've even started cooking a bit. I credit my kitty with keeping me from getting too busy and remembering to relax, because nothing encourages you to sit down and relax like the surety that your lap will soon be occupied by a creature warm, furry, and purring who loves you.
MSH got a new job at the same company, starting in April--different department, boss, and duties, same money, working for the most part from home since his boss is based out of state. Should be MUCH less stressful. He's already less stressed out and taking better care of himself. I am so grateful for him, and for us, and for everybody! His happiness and more peaceful state have made a real difference. He's really had quite a few months in this new year, figuring out what was important, and taking stock of what this stressful job had done and making decisions--he's going to the gym more, to yoga class more (although he'll ONLY go to the ones I teach, silly!), and he's started reading again. And we laugh, hard, much more often! I'm so proud of him, and happy for him! I can honestly say, his happiness is more enjoyable to witness than my own. I love what I do and feel what I do is important and I've been wishing the same for him.
Teaching continues to be a gift. I love my students and every class is different. It's like a box of chocolates, as Forrest would say: You never know who, or what, you're going to get! I dropped my Sunday morning class at MSH's request, but picked up another weekday class, at least for March, at my beloved "home" studio.
In my own yoga practice, I've also started doing this DVD at home from time to time, and since the Molokai retreat have tried to add more gentle, restorative yoga practices. Oftentimes it's just what I need. I learn more and more about energy--a couple of weeks ago I taught seven classes in 48 hours. For the most part, I was fine at the end of it. I took at three-hour Yin yoga workshop between the 6th and 7th classes I taught and it brought me renewed energy. So: energy. A renewable resource. You can get it from the yoga.

I look forward to a wonderful year, especially the meditation retreat in June! We are planning a trip to Scotland and France in July, visiting family and friends as well as the British Open golf tournament and of course St. Andrews, and I plan to travel to New England in the fall with a dear friend, to visit my yoga teacher training roomie in Western Mass, and see the fall color.

In the short term, I'm looking forward to

The ballet
The Seattle LebowskiFest--first one in the Northwest, far out!
Starting Netflix again (I've darkened Blockbusters for the last time!)
Updating this blog more often--now that I've broken the ice, should happen more often! Sorry for such a long post. I think I'm happier than I've ever been. :)

Giving Thanks

2006-11-20T23:31:00.000-08:00

I've decided to leave my 20-hr a week job as an Office Manager. Income won't be a problem, thanks to a supportive MSH who's been encouraging me to quit for some time, to focus on my yoga teaching. It has really been a challenge to fit in 20 hours a week, the office work has been interfering with my regular personal yoga practice, which we've all learned is VERY important to one's well-being as well as the quality of one's teaching. Not to mention I've been trying to do a 40-hr a week job in 20 hours, and that doesn't work for me, and especially not for my boss and my coworkers. I am really, really looking forward to the change, and we've put out an offer to an outstanding candidate so if he agrees to work for us, I'll be confidently leaving the office in good hands.

I knew this had to happen for a while, but I've had control issues over letting go, and it took the intense stress I've been feeling over the last month or so to get me over that, and the fact that I'll miss the people... But I'm so excited for January 1 (I told them my last day would be Dec. 31) when I can start a regular practice (maybe even daily!!!) and perhaps PERHAPS get around to cleaning off my desk.

I taught my last class tonight before taking off tomorrow to visit family for five days. I feel like I'm really starting to project my voice better (although how would I know?) and tonight I tried chanting a bit in the car to "warm up" like a professional singer does. My timing problems are behind me for the most part, and I am loving the students, at all three studios. At one studio, it has NOT been getting hot, but that is another story, one which will have a swift and happy ending, I hope!

I know it sounds corny, but I love teaching more every single class. I've been feeling stressed out in other areas of my life, but teaching is my refuge, my center; I feel this palpable sense of calm and purpose when I step into the studio. I am so grateful that I get to teach yoga.

So, during this time of Thanks-Giving, I'd like to thank MSH, for being so supportive throughout this journey. Get a partner who really believes in you and your dream and the rest is butter. To my dear friends, who came to the first late-evening classes when I got back from training, when they were one of two or three students and I was making a complete boob of myself. To my family, for being supportive even when they thought the idea of doing yoga in 105 degree room was a little crazy if not dangerous! To my sweet A1A, my roommate in training, not sure if I could have made it through without you and SURELY wouldn't have had such a kick-a** time! To Jimmy, for teaching me to find my authentic voice as a teacher, while passing on this yoga lineage with passion and precision, to Tomas for giving me a boost when I needed it, to my studio owners for having faith in me, and last but certainly not least! I thank each and every student I've had in my classes--you are all my teacher. I like to imagine you around me, an ever-widening circle of beings to which I hope I've brought benefit, before which I am humble.

Seane Corn

2006-11-18T15:11:00.000-08:00

Last night and this morning I took a Detox Flow yoga workshop with Seane Corn. She is amazing. Heartbreakingly, I cannot find a sub for my Sunday morning class tomorrow (grrrrrr) so I will miss the last, SUPER detox class. It's a challenging, but centering flow that she teaches--a lot of emphasis on stabilization of the foot/ankle, pelvis, and shoulders to protect the knee, lower back, and neck, areas which she says a lot of Vinyasa yogis tend to get injured. BOY is she serious about the lower backs. My legs, butt, and shoulders are sure sore, but not my lower back, not a peep. She just has a wonderful nurturing energy, but her voice has so much POWER. She says "INHALE, Lift the arms, Drop the hips" and I think "YES! I WILL!" (My usual response to coming into Chair pose is (inwardly) "Oh frick, not this again. My quads burn.")

I had been looking for a sub for tomorrow morning for a month. There just aren't enough hot yoga teachers (that are willing to teach at that studio?) It is really chapping my hide that I won't be able to complete the workshop. It's already on her schedule for next year to come back to Seattle, so hopefully I'll have the opportunity to do it again then.

Anyway--the Seane Corn--if you have the means, I highly recommend taking a class/workshop with her.

www.seanecorn.com

Question Answered

2006-11-09T22:20:00.000-08:00

The comments ask: "not being someone who knows you personally, i've been wondering what the significance of your blog name/URL is. do you just like marmots, or...?"

Well, maybe I should have a FAQ. When I started this blog, it was a simple run-of-the-mill navel-gazing affair, and did not pertain exclusively to the yoga. When yoga became the focus, I just didn't have the energy to come up with a cute yoga blog name and create a new blog. Kind of a one-blog woman. Anyway, I named the blog for a line in my favorite movie of all time, The Big Lebowski, written and directed by the Coen Brothers, and starring Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, and Julianne Moore. To wit, the operative portion of the screenplay, formatted in play-style for the sake of . . . better formatting:

(One of them holds a string at the other end of which a small animal skitters excitedly about the floor.)

(The Dude looks curiously at the small, nattering animal.)

DUDE: Nice marmot.

(The man with the string scoops up the marmot and tosses it, screaming, into the bathtub.)

(The Dude screams.)

(The marmot splashes frantically, biting at the Dude in a frenzy of fearful aggression.)

I started to paste more of the screenplay here, but I thought some readers might be bored, and others might just want to rent it. HINT!!! NOTE: The animal in the actual film was not a marmot. This is understandable, since they are not normally domesticated (it may, in fact, be illegal.) They used a ferret, which is as it should be, because this makes the Dude's line funny. I, however, have seen actual marmots in an actual national park. They were completely unconcerned by human presence at the time, and so the encounter was rather up-close and personal.

And in case you are saying to yourself: "What a freak! 'The Big Lebowski' wasn't all that great of a movie...this blogger chick is off her nut!" Well, I don't dispute that I may be off my nut, however I'm not alone.

Well, my life is pretty busy. I am sure to stay at my office job 20 hours a week through the end of the year, while the departure of one hot yoga teacher from two of the studios I teach for means I'll now be teaching 8 classes a week! I know my life has changed because I find two things very, very exciting:
1. Getting home before 10:00 at night. Actually coming home anytime if I get to spend more than 20 minutes there.
2. NOT having any calls/messages on my cell phone when I pick it up after a class, etc.
Used to be I was always a bit disappointed if no one called me. No more!

Yesterday and the day before, I took an Advanced Bikram Series clinic at Bikram Yoga of Bellevue. It was actually preparation for the regional Bikram yoga competition at the beginning of next month, so most participants were planning to compete, while I'm not. I was, by far, the least flexible person in the room. So at one point, I spent a lot of time in half-lotus, spectating (because I can't do full lotus.) The class was pretty cool, though. Some of it I was familiar with because of my Barkan training. The teacher was very good. The way they teach the class is pretty snappy, though. I mean, you flow into and out of the postures, but it's awfully fast--guess it has to be because there's nominally 84 poses, if you can get into all of them. It was good, though--knowing or refreshing my memory on some of the advanced poses will enrich my teaching for advanced students in my classes. I did spend a lot of time wrestling with my ego/negative self-talk about not being able to do these poses, and not practicing Bikram 5-6 times a week, but honestly it would months or maybe years of intensive practice to get my hips as open as this instructor and some of the students in this class. I liked the instructor, though--flown in special from NorCal. And by the end of the second day (each day was about 2.5 hours long,) I realized being the least flexible person in the room was a true gift--it gave me the perspective of a beginner in the beginning hot yoga class--not being able to get into all the postures, confused by a lot of the grips, feeling a bit left out or unworthy... So this was very good. Gotta keep the ego in check. The instructor was asking me when I went to teacher training, where I was teaching and you know me, I just innocently flapped my jaw and suddenly I was getting the third degree about Jimmy. In confidential tone, "You know he's not *certified*, right?" And then wanted to know why I'd chosen that training. So, the two most salient points which in my conciliatory, defensive response I forgot to name, I shall now unload on you:
1. It's that 10-page agreement that's so restrictive I'd never be able to make a living and keep it. Plus the way most Bikram-approved studios around here are, they'd never hire me because I wasn't personally groomed at their studios.
and
2. My training isn't certified by Bikram, but Bikram's not certified according to the rest of the yoga world. And everyone else does have more studios.

But overall, a great experience. Good teacher; she means well, she just drank the Kool-Aid. Nice studio, too--tiled showers with phat water pressure. :) Could have been vacuumed a bit better in the yoga room itself, though... Today I sat next to a woman around the corner at Bellevue Whole Foods who asked me where she should go from Rodney Yee's Slow Burn yoga DVD and I sent her their way. (The studio's way--this particular teacher is flying home before too long.)

Today was the first day I worked the teaching schedule for my Thursdays going forward--9:30 Redmond and 4:30 Seattle. After my first class, Alabam and I went running along the river in Redmond. It finally stopped raining! And the sun even shone on our backs on our way back to her office. Tonight, I stayed at the studio to take the 6:30 class (not Bikram) and it was AWESOME. The teacher asked us at the beginning if there was anything we wanted to focus on and when no one said anything, I piped up "Hip openers?" and so it was in this class, I met the pose I'd been looking for my whole life. Or at least, for the last five years. Every time I'm in Savasana (Corpse Pose,) I want two someones to put one of their feet on my two hipbones and lean some of their weight, to open my hips. This pose, a variation of Frog, with belly facing downward, knees rotated out and feet lifted, felt just like that, only it was gravity and the floor opening my hips. I could have stayed there all night, and had an emotional release when I did come out. Oooh, I want to do it every day. I felt just lovely as I left class. I have very tight hips and I just want them to... open. There's a link here that I haven't quite anatomically decoded, because when my hips are really REALLY open, like at training or one mind-blowing Vinyasa class from Krista, the ridges in my lower back just melt and my back is, to borrow from this teacher this evening, buttery!

Ugh.

2006-11-01T08:01:00.000-08:00

Just to bring you up to my level of anxiety, or down to my level of fatigue, let me point something out: it's nine weeks until Christmas. Nine weeks! I read this on a blog yesterday, and thought, Well that's swell, Loobylu, whyntcha give me a nice papercut and pour lemon juice on it while you're at it?!

Refer back to my list of roles, to which I forgot to add: First-time marathon trainee. No, I'm not kidding. Although that isn't going too well, my training buddy went down the Colorado and I haven't run a lick since. Will remedy that later today.

Anyway, I'm just whining because I'm busy--WHAT A COOL BLOG TOPIC!!! NOT!!! IRONICALLY I am busy in part because I am flush with teaching jobs. So flush, I called yesterday and turned down the opportunity at the personal training studio. And all my teaching jobs are at yoga studios. Believe me, I know how lucky that is for a new teacher! One of the teachers at the Redmond studio is moving, so I'm taking over two of her classes, so once she's gone I'll be teaching 8 classes a week. Through the end of this year, I'm (gritting my teeth and) keeping 20 hours at the office, but my boss and I are meeting about hiring a new/transitional person for my position and I have put him on notice that I won't be working 20 hours a week starting in January. Hopefully ten, if we can find a good replacement. (I *shouldn't* quit and I actually don't *want* to quit, in answer to your next question.) Until then, I'll be digging in the dryer for clean underwear, creating lots of lists items on which I don't get to check off, and making lots of meals out of the Apple Pie flavor of these things.

practice

2006-10-24T16:22:00.000-07:00

Last week, with all the yoga teaching and other stuff, I only practiced once. (Still haven't started practicing at home. Note to self.) Sunday I put all that behind me and practiced Bikram. Last night I took a Power Vinyasa class from the amazing Krista. As usual, it kicked my hiney, but it also opened me up incredibly. I haven't felt that open, physically or emotionally, since training. I know this because in one-legged pigeon my torso was flat against my calf, leaning into it.* I was opening my hips into new places and it felt great. The other indication that I was Open: I was crying. I know one might think this is a bad thing, and maybe it's not good for everyone, but for me if I'm in a yoga class, and I start releasing enough negative emotion to make me weep, that's awesome. Better out than in, dude. It happened a few times in training. The class ROCKED. Power Vinyasa--it takes, but it gives back!

Then! I taught my own (75 min) class just after that class. Six students this time--it's been a few weeks since I've had fewer than five or six and that's good! I threw in pigeon at the end. Mmm.... pigeon.... And I just felt so open, calm, and relaxed the whole time as I taught. It felt good. I am really trying to come into my voice and enjoy how it sounds in the room.

This morning I was at the office and thinking my 5-class intro at Yogalife was about to run out...so I looked at their website and there was a Vinyasa class at noon! So at 11:30, I drove straight home, grabbed my mat, and raced down there just in time. I was wearing yoga-capable pants (my favorite pants--it's not a heated studio) but didn't have a top with me and hadn't wanted to dig through my dresser AND I've been needing new ones** and had part of a gift certificate left over, so I quickly explained the situation (small rib cage, big maracas) and was soon wearing something I have never worn before: a yoga/sport top with a shelf bra in which I can practice yoga without wearing a sports bra underneath. It just comes up high enough that I don't spill out the top or cleave or anything. More on that in a future post.

The teacher was excellent. It was a small class, and a little easier or gentler than the Power Vinyasa classes I'm used to. This was probably partially, but not completely, because I'm used to a heated room! But it was a really good class. Just my stability in the Warriors and Crescent Lunge made me realize how far I've come since my first Vinyasa class. She ended our class with legs-up-the wall pose with blankets sort of bolstering/cuddling our heads so they didn't move around. That, my friends, was the BOMB. I didn't read to the end of that article I linked, but I've seen the pose recommended for insomnia, and I have done it before bed and I fell asleep quicker than usual.

And it turns out Yogalife's 5-class intro doesn't expire until three months from the day you take your first class. Nice and mellow!

*Allow me to bitch here that that was the only link I was able to find with the pigeon pose that we normal people (read: non-ex-ballerinas) practice on a weekly or daily basis. Until we've been practicing intensively and/or for ten years, most of us cannot do this. AHEM.

teach teach teach!

2006-10-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

So, I now have FIVE weekly classes. I am so pumped! Things are looking good for the personal training place in Woodinville, too. Could be up to four classes a week...and I'll still keep my office job in some form...I'll be one busy lady! Hopefully I will find an equilibrium, though. I am actually happiest and most productive when I have a certain perfect amount of things going on. If my schedule is too open, LOOMS the TV and the mac'n'cheese eaten directly out of the pan. I don't like to remember those days. Dark days. But I digress!

The studio in Redmond is beautiful--hard floor so I may have to get a thicker mat if I practice there regularly. It didn't bother me until Fixed Firm/Reclining Hero and then the tops of my feet really bothered me, especially second set! The heat is really nice, piped in right through several vents in the ceiling but MAN it was dry. I barely worked up a sweat. I will have to make use of their large humidifiers when I teach there.

THIS week I am subbing twice so I will actually teach SEVEN classes. Things I will need to explore in the next few weeks and months and YOU'LL HEAR IT FIRST, DEAR READER:

1. How to balance all the roles in my life:
Dharma Practitioner
Yoga Teacher
part-time Office Manager
Special Events coordinator for my Dharma center
Wife (does home-owner go in here? dishes? laundry?)

2. How much and what type of reflective private time do i need to refill my yoga teacher tank?

3. How many hand-made Christmas presents can I realistically produce given all the stuff I'm doing on a weekly basis?

Looking back at this post, it seems I have contracted the CAPITALitis. Let's hope for your sake it passes quickly!

OH and to the commenter who commented on the pants post and pointed me to the Lucy Harmony Pant: Yep. That is the pant in question. The Very Important Pant.

o snap!

2006-10-16T22:32:00.000-07:00

I got the job! *happy dance*

I met with the yoga manager, who was charming and pixie-esque. She told me a little about the studios, and asked about the Barkan class, then told me all about the benefits of teaching for her studios.

Then it was off to teach my class up the street. I was nervous to have the manager take it, but of course once I started teaching I was so stuck in my own head I forgot she was even there. (Of course this in-my-headness usually means I fail to correct my students...must work on this!) As usual, I wasn't very pleased with my class, but MSH came and said it was one of my better classes and the regular who came last week sounded much more positive this week than last week, ie "This one was really good!" The beginners who came last week were back, too. So... the manager wants me to teach for them three times a week! She gave me some good constructive criticism: She says I have a really nice voice but I kind of stop or trail off instead of really moving through a given thought I'm expressing. She says I should really fill up the room with my voice. (But other than that she claims it's good.) She says she likes the Barkan better than Bikram and wants me to teach that Thursday afternoons in Redmond. Huzzah! She also wants me to teach Wednesday nights (before HYL) in Seattle and I'm going to have to see how Krista feels about that. I don't think the timing will work and I don't want to rush from one studio to another. I wonder if even have "the juice" to teach back to back classes. It really takes a lot of energy. The teacher who taught before me this evening had taught FOUR classes today. Wow. After that I would need some alone time on a couch just cogitating. Or...some breathing meditation. I've also been offered Sunday mornings at 9 AM through the same set of studios, and 4:30 PM Saturdays. MSH thinks I should go for Sunday. So I think I will do that one, but not the Saturdays as well. Wow, that would be FIVE (or six, depending on Wednesday) classes a week, tee hee!

I had a good conversation with my office boss today, too. I'm transitioning to fewer hours and not doing a good job of balancing my needs with the company's to wit I commit to more hours than I can really work. We aired our needs, feelings, etc. and I think things will be better going forward. He has been so supportive and really very flexible, and sounds like he will be in future, too. Which is awesome. I am so lucky.

It finally got really cold and wet in Seattle, at last, this very week. It feels good. It feels right. If this grosses you out, move! Awaaaaay down in Florida my Barkan buddies are emBarkaning on level II (Vinyasa) training...hopefully that will be me next year...I LOVE me some Power Vinyasa and can't wait to teach it!

How to Succeed In Yoga Teaching Without Really Trying

2006-10-15T20:01:00.000-07:00

This always happens to me.

Back in '03, I had been a receptionist for almost two years (these were good times--building confidence, paying off credit card debt) and I was ready for a change. Not ready to do the heavy lifting like Revising The Resume, I did sign up for one of my alma mater's periodical "networking" evenings whereby alums who want jobs elbow each other out of the way trying to impress the few people in the room who may have a line on some open positions without spilling their drinks. Now, this is a good thing that the college puts this on, don't get me wrong, but I hate talking about myself and my career objectives with people I've just met. So it will come as no surprise that when the evening rolled around, I found a reason to be elsewhere. But since my name was on the registration list, an alum who ALSO didn't end up coming to the networking night, who is married to a guy who runs a start-up, got my name, my employer and my then job-title ("Operations Assistant"--they were looking for an Operations Manager) via the Alumni Office. She then looked up my employer's phone number, called me at work, and asked me if I wanted a job. Long story short, a few meetings later I'd landed a really good job, a step up, a job with absolutely zero bureaucracy, good money, a chance to do what I thought I really wanted to do when I grew up at the time (editing,) working with people who after three years STILL do not annoy me--not one--they are awesome. And notice...all I did to get the job...was sign up for an event I never attended. So basically, I just "put out the vibe." When people asked me how I got the job, I wanted to tell them to save time and just start banging their heads into the wall now, because I know it doesn't seem fair. Karma, people.

So, cut to present day, I've been revising my yoga resume repeatedly, enjoying my two lovely classes a week at HYL and my new 30hr a week schedule, wishing really hard for more yoga teaching jobs and not accomplishing MUCH concrete toward getting them, when on Thursday a teacher from HYL (among other studios) calls. She asks if I'd be interested in teaching at a hot yoga studio in Redmond. WOULD I?! She refers me to the woman who hires yoga teachers for that studio and another studio in Seattle. So Monday I am meeting with this yoga manager. (I have a hunch they only recently bought the Seattle one, further updates as I learn more.) Then she's taking my 8:15 at HYL. I am for sure subbing for the two studios a total of three classes in the coming week (hooray!) and if she smells what I'm cookin' on Monday night then I may have regular gigs at these studios!!! (quadruple hooray!!)

Now, once I put the phone down quit doing my happy dance, I ask myself how I got this job. The teacher from HYL, as far as I can recall, hasn't taken a class from me, just knows me and knows I'm a new teacher and I need work. So really I put forth very little effort to do this job, just right place right time or something. I am so excited, but also feel a little sheepish, like once again I got an A on the test without studying. Well, I guess that metaphor won't fit until I ace the "audition" tomorrow night. So wish me luck!

And by the way, as I have a paranoid thought process about potential yoga employers reading my blog and knowing who I am--the TITLE OF THIS POST is ironical. I try very, very hard. And I know I have a lot to learn, a mountain to climb before I am in the same weight class as the yoga teachers who inspire me. But I am competent, and I'm getting better every day. (Cue "Eye of the Tiger.")

Stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks

2006-10-11T22:32:00.000-07:00

So, my normal Wednesday office work schedule is 7am to 10:30 am. So I can get LOTS of yoga job searching done on Wednesdays. Ha ha. First I somehow turned off my alarm, thinking I was snoozing. Then MSH rolled over and said "It's eight o' clock, you know." No, I did not know that, my sweet husband. Crap. So I rolled out of bed, threw on some "casualwear" and a baseball cap, and dragged my hiney to work. There I was inefficient through much of the morning and so did not accomplish my Three Vital To-Do Items until 12:30. From there, I went to two grocery stores, got a piece of quiche, 2 lbs of organic bananas (which I now realize I only got because I had a coupon which made them free that I forgot to give to the checker) and a lot of ice cream. Then I came home, ate lunch (quiche on a bed of carrot sticks and celery sticks) while reading my current book: "Class Action : The Story of Lois Jenson and the Landmark Case that Changed Sexual Harassment Law." Then I took my friends Ben and Jerry downstairs to watch a little TV. I was finally able to wrench myself from the grasp of the demon television just after 4:00. Went upstairs really intending to buckle down on revising my resume, when Krista called--could I be at the studio in 10 minutes to teach a Bikram class? Do my sports bras have permastink?! I hopped into my shoes and zoomed down there--I didn't even change into a sports bra! I think I taught a great class, 11 students, felt v. confident. It was a nice change to teach Bikram, especially because my 1 hr 15 min slots on Monday and Wednesday nights mean single sets only. I really liked being able to teach second sets. After class, one of the regulars complimented my teaching, said my dialogue in the standing series had really improved since the last time he'd been in my class. Said I'm still lagging in the savasanas (rest poses on the floor) but was very positive. This made my day.

Then I got to come back at 8:15 and teach again! Much smaller class, 4 students, one beginner. Tonight and Monday night I just had these moments where I looked around at my students and felt this deep feeling of gratitude and humility at being able to affect their minds/bodies in a positive way. Had a regular who hadn't taken my class before and she said afterward she really liked it! The new student was beginning a yoga practice to help with emotional issues. She did very well for her first yoga class ever. Afterward she bounced out of the classroom and told me "That was fun!" This is the best job I've ever had.

gettin' the party started

2006-10-04T17:37:00.000-07:00

My first Monday night class (two days ago) had nine students not including my husband! So on the bright side, I'll be paid. Of course, many of the students came expecting Power Vinyasa since until four days prior, flyers at the studio had been advertising the time slot as such! Oh well, bait and switch if you have to, I guess. No one seemed visibly disgruntled, in fact people seemed to like it. As usual, I thought I'd done terribly but MSH said it was awesome and when I pressed him, he said it was better than last time. Before leaving for the studio I did a short breathing meditation and really focused on my intention for teaching. I think it helped because when I forgot which pose was next I just glided into whichever pose came to mind. Which is really OK since in Barkan you can switch it around and none of the students were prepared for a particular order anyway. I do need to memorize a sequence (any sequence! j/k) and study more in general. The learning never ends!

My afternoons away from the office continue to be only moderately productive as regards obtaining yoga work. Today I did come up with new ideas on where to teach. And I searched the internet for support/materials for newly certified yoga teachers. Guess what? There kind of isn't any. (PLEASE comment if you can prove me wrong!) I guess when I have half a clue what I'm doing I should set up an online community for folks like me. If only I knew how to do that. I did post a comment for Erica Rodefer, oh she who has been blogging about her teacher training over at Yoga Journal. So we'll see if she has any ideas on reading material for We the Newly Minted Yoga Teachers. Of course, I do feel very supported by my fellow graduates of Barkan--they are always there for me when I send out a mass email. But of course when I write I have to phrase it in some way other than "help i'm feeling really insecure and i can't call studios because i'm not certified in anusara, iyengar, or astanga and i don't want to call scary gym owners on the phone and can't someone please do all the work for me i just want to teach MOMMMMEEEEEEE!" Just kidding. I'm not that bad. On my good days. Actually at the moment I'm brimming with optimism. There are actually like 983 places I could conceivably teach yoga in this city and I haven't even started to contact them. And I just called and left a voicemail for a personal training studio who advertised on Craigslist, and didn't say "um" once! That I am aware of. Best of all, I get to teach in only a few hours. Yipes, I'd better eat something! Don't want to go flop-bot mid-class!

Fashion: infinity, Marmot: 1

2006-09-30T19:51:00.000-07:00

Well, perhaps it's not that bad, but usually when I go shopping for clothes, I feel like fashion wins. Especially when I go alone. Often I am looking for a specific thing that seems simple, but no one has it. Which makes me feel like an eejit. And if I do find things to try on, I don't have any confidence in my decisions. I find something I like, but then I think, "Will I ever wear this? Can I pull it off? Do I really like the color green?" and I am filled with despair and fear, and I leave without buying anything. Or worse, I buy something and later have to take it back. Or don't take it back and it moulders in my closet for 1.5 years and then goes to the Goodwill. What frustrates me is I have such a hard time predicting as I'm shopping which clothes will become that 20% you wear 80% of the time. If I could somehow see the future and see how much I'd actually wear the piece of clothing, I could see whether it was a good value at the asking price. OR if I had a time machine and could go back in time and buy 2 more of my very favorite pieces of clothing.

So I got a little fold-out postcard from Lucy (www.lucy.com) with $25 a $100 purchase. Now their stuff is expensive. They have like $48 cotton T-shirts, for example (this in particular gives me the urge to emit a high-pitched screech while my eyes bug out of my head.) But it's all comfortable sporty stuff, which apart from jeans is all I really ever feel like wearing. There was a cute quilted vest that caught my eye in the postcard so I thought if I am a big enough sucker to buy this *$78* vest I will surely find something moderately priced on their sale rack to bump the price up over $100 and then I'll save some money. I even calculated before leaving for the mall that if the something on the sale rack was between $22 and $25, I would get the price of the vest down to $60.

First I went to QFC and got a 4-pack of Triple-Chocolate Dove ice cream bars, thinking that having (melting) frozen food with me would encourage me to be speedy with my shopping at Lucy. For the record, if you have my capacity for distraction and indecisiveness in retail establishments, this is not a good method.

So I got the quilted vest to try on in two colors. It was very cute. Then I went through the sale racks and found oodles of things to try on that I sort of liked. They were all between $20 and $30 dollars and none were must-haves so there was quite a herd of them to send to the dressing room. And then I took a pass through the other corner of the store before I headed to the dressing room, fingering materials as I went. And something felt familiar... it was THOSE PANTS.

I got a pair of pants at Lucy a year ago. I got them regular price so it was really exorbitant for me--more than I spend on a pair of jeans. But the fit was nice, and the material was just so yummy and soft so I bought them. This pair of pants quickly became my Favorite Pants (Non-Jean)TM. Since they are stretchy knit pants, they are of course much comfier than jeans. The material is amazing. It's very very soft inside and out, so I ALWAYS want to put them on, especially after a hot yoga class and a shower (apres-pant.) And if I get bored, I can pet my legs. (oh so soft!) They have a roll-top waist (which I love--hugs so snug without creating a belly pooch.) The cut is fitted in the waist and hips but roomy in the legs, so it's not so tight in the legs as to make you feel conspicuously outlined or like you shouldn't be wearing them if you aren't exercising. The material isn't too thick, so it doesn't get bunchy UP THERE, but thick enough so panty line is indetectable with most types of underwear.

So I splurged and bought two pairs. They were regular price, but as much as I wear these pants, it's MERE PENNIES, I tell you. ;) I'd send you the link from the Lucy website, but apparently I'm not the only freak in love with these pants--they must be sold out because they're not on their website anymore. They're called "Harmony Pant" if you want to go in the store.

good news!

2006-09-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

I'm going to teach Monday nights, too! Starting this coming Monday! Studio owner just asked me Thursday. Two nights a week, hooray HOORAY!!

It's almost October. I love October out of all proportion, hence I often call it ROcKtober. I love Halloween, I love fall and wearing sweaters again and eating hot soup, and October has always seemed bright and crisp and full of possibilities. Long live ROcKtober!

MSH just had a golf lesson and his teacher was telling him to keep his knees bent in his swing so he showed her Awkward pose. She recommended he do it as much as possible! I wish I could have recorded him last Sunday at the party--he'd just met our friend C's brother (who is a sweet, peaceful man who teaches special education, radiates compassion and acceptance and looks like JUDE LAW, just so you know these men exist but this one has a girlfriend and lives in Vancouver) and was telling him about how great yoga is. E.g. how much it's improved his golf game and how "if you could do only one form of exercise it would be yoga." I felt so proud, grateful, and supported by my mate. But you know--it ain't me--it's the yoga! Still.

In the past week I've run nine miles and gone to three yoga classes, all Power Vinyasa. I am hungry ALL THE TIME. Well, except for last night at Red Robin just after I ate a side salad, half an order of mozzarella sticks, one third of a plate of pasta, and half an Oreo shake. But that was the first time all week. Yesterday right after lunch, for example, I was hungry again!

Long post!

2006-09-27T18:17:00.000-07:00

Ack, sorry to neglect you, my internets.

So! Here are some things that have happened:

1. I got (after a lot of ins, outs, and what-have-yous) a weekly teaching job at "my" beloved studio.

It is at 8:15 PM-9:30 PM, Wednesday nights (that's today!) It's a time that hasn't been on her schedule for a while, but people have asked for it specifically. The first time I taught was last week. My husband and my friend showed up and that was it! Which was actually VERY OK, since I was coming down with a bad cold and appreciated not having to PROJECT my voice further than two people. Also had a chance to work out the timing--it's fifteen minutes shorter than a normal class BUT I get to teach Barkan.

2. I figured out that I was NOT looking for yoga teaching jobs in my spare time, so I've ratcheted back my schedule at the Office to 30 hours per week.

This has been very good so far (I'm mid-way the second week of this schedule,) although I would not say the amount of progress I've made on finding yoga work has been stunning. I do enjoy running in the middle of the day, and going to lunch downtown with my husband, etc.

3. I have definitely identified that my old insecure, self-defeating, hesitant, perfectionist HORSE PUCKEY has once again taken up residence in my mind.

After the brief brilliant space of self-confidence during and just after training wherein I was very confident in myself, and the fact that cultivating my intention for teaching would cause everything else to happen just as it should. Everything to do with finding yoga work, with that strong and positive intention, seemed so easy and Not Like Work. Well, not anymore. I'm back at the same job, in the same house, and guess what? Those bad mental habits are back, too. (Along with some new letdown/guilt that I allowed these demons back home to roost--it's a regular self-defeating FIESTA!) Sometimes I think i should just quit at the Office but that would put them in a terrible bind besides which it could be a fantasy that having no regular job (read: structure) would compel me to flit around like a busy bee putting out my teacher energy in ways both physical and UNSEEN. I could also, you know, watch HBO six hours a day. That's what happened the last time I had no "job" whatsoever--except I didn't have cable TV, I was 22, in credit card debt, and didn't practice yoga or meditate regularly (NOTE: I still don't meditate daily or really more than twice a week but aspire to!) So I am looking into doing life coaching with a friend of mine who's starting a certification program in Life Coaching. She was the one who life-coached me into going to teacher training NOW THIS YEAR instead of "in 2007" or "when I've saved up the money." It was very effective, and that was only like half an hour. So I know she's money. For those of you who don't know what Life Coaching is, there's some info here: http://www.findyourcoach.com (please note I picked a webpage at random from a "what is life coaching" Google search, and for reasons unknown Blogger said my tag was broken so it wouldn't let me put the link in nice neat HTML, sorry!), but my definition is: someone who gets you unstuck. If you want to do something, e.g. change your life/career, or accomplish some big goal, and you don't know what it is, or if you do, but you don't know how to get there, or you lack the motivation or something's holding you back, the life coach helps you get there.

4. I have decided to run a marathon in my aunt's memory.

In the past I have called crazy such individuals as would attempt this--as you know, it's named for a town in Greece, Marathon, from which a man ran 26.2 miles to Athens. When he got there, he delivered his message (victory in battle) and keeled over dead. Now I will do it. Hmm. But I know I can--I used to run a lot (before this Year of Yoga) and by a lot maybe 12 miles a week? OK, that's not a lot. But it has to be something that's a challenge. Something that will take work, dedication, commitment. My aunt was no stranger to these four things. It has to be something that there is some doubt as to whether I can accomplish it--nobody thought she would live four years with a GM (virulent form of brain cancer she had) diagnosis. I know I can do it because I will be taking hot yoga classes at least three times a week while I'm training, and it will keep my body injury-free and feeling good. Now through the end of the year I will be building up a base of 20-25 miles per week with at least one run of 6 miles or more each week. Then in January starts the 18-week program. It's the same one my friend used last year when she ran her first marathon. My friends and my husband have been 100% supportive. And the last reason I know I can do it: from the first time I put the intention into words, it's been real and definite. I've even picked out which one I'll run.

Love letter to my studio owner

2006-09-08T11:29:00.000-07:00

I would not be a teacher right now if it were not for my studio owner. From the minute the idea of going to teacher training was out of my mouth, she has been supportive. She let me teach before I even went to training--twice. She has had me teach several times after I got back and encouraged me every step of the way, putting aside the differences between our training lineages and telling me to teach from my heart.

More importantly, she is so freaking inspiring! Her teaching is incredible--nuanced, never boring for a minute--she pushes us and nurtures us, always reminding us to look within for strength, and to have FUN with practice. She runs her business by gathering wonderful teachers and letting them teach from the heart. It is no wonder she is so successful! She's a huge role model for me, of course.

If you are ever in Seattle and want to check out what she and her crack team of yoga teachers are cooking, come on down!

Seane Corn

2006-09-07T11:11:00.000-07:00

I just sent in my registration for a weekend workshop with Seane Corn at Yoga on Beacon here in Seattle. (Warning: Seane's website has music and other bells and whistles.) I am really excited about taking a workshop with this woman--we watched an interview with her off one of her Vinyasa DVDs at my teacher training. She's a friend of and inspiration to my teacher, JimBar. Just from seeing one clip, I fell in instantaneous severe like and wanted to learn from her as soon as possible. My roommate from FL is doing a teacher training with her back East before the workshop I'm taking. Yoga goodness abounds in Seattle!

In which the Marmot gets off her butt

2006-09-06T11:09:00.000-07:00

It has recently come to our attention that besides internal & external belly-aching about the ratio of yoga work to office work, I haven't done very much about advancing my yoga teaching career. So, I am doing something about that.

I have sent in my registration to Yoga Alliance, signed up for a CPR course, ordered business cards, and created content for a marketing piece (paper) and a website which will go up soon. Once I have my CPR and finish my resume, I'll begin my onslaught of area gyms, and there's an interesting possibility I found on Craigslist (thanks, A1A!) for teaching in workplaces downtown. Craigslist? Jobs? WHO KNEW?! Many thanks to Alabam for her invaluable moral and opinionated support with the business cards!

In other news, the September teaching schedule for "my" studio has been published and I'm not on it. A bit disappointing based on the owner's previous statements, but I'm confident I'm high on the substitute list. ALSO after she specifically rejected the notion of ever having me teach a Barkan class there, she told me I can find a new time in the schedule and teach a WEEKLY BARKAN class, with the proviso that I'll be paid based on attendance, rather than a flat fee, until attendance goes and stays up. BONZER says I! I am so freaking excited about this. I have written and proposed a Sunday afternoon time; we'll see what she says.

Recent news about carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere (and by recent I mean oh the last 20 years) have this morning put me in mind of what I can do to address global warming. Here's a short list that does not involve marching on Washington.

I really gotta start walking to work.

dash

2006-08-31T10:14:00.000-07:00

Kids, I'm sorry my posts have been less frequent than days without car bombings in Baghdad, but I have been a) so busy it's hard to find time to pee b) on vacation at my Grandma with 'net access circa '94 BUT HEY she's got it! and then c) again, with the business and not so much with the peeing!

So! We're going to hit it hard and fast, like that horrible feature at the end of E! News LIve where a rapper runs down the week's entertainment gossip.

Speaking of which, my favorite photo of the week via the brilliant blogger who brought you the term "sideboobery." I'm just putting the link so the dedicated will cut and paste, because I ate a doughnut half an hour ago so my mind is racing and homey don't remember the little html tag whatnot for embedded links. SORRY!

http://thesuperficial.com/image.php?path=/2006/08/30/jessica_simpson_yahoo_02.jpg

BUT I DIGRESS! IT'S THE SUGAR!

I still have no yoga business cards. I still have not sought yogic employment outside my own dear studio, but have heard from 4 more people comments along the lines of: "You should teach at my gym; the yoga teacher there is not so good." New goal: graphic artist in NC notwithstanding, I will get a plain, simple, but high-quality business card, to be distributed with half-sheet flyer topics of which: Why I am the shizzle. Why Barkan yoga is the shizzle.

I did not teach last week. :( But! I taught last night and BOY HOWDY there were 18 students, five of which were new. The newbies did VERY WELL. I managed the timing OK even though with all the paperwork (new people) and renting of mats and purchasing of packages I started a few minutes late. This was the first time teaching where I neither consulted my notes during the day, beforehand, nor brought in my little cheat sheet with the Bikram order of poses. And I think, without the Dumbo's feather of studying my notes, I was forced to project more confidence. At one point I was about to take the kids from Standing Sep Leg Stretching into Standing Sep Leg Forehead to Knee and I KNEW I was missing something. So I asked the class! And they knew: Triangle! Hello! So I just kind of laughed and said glibly "Triangle! HOw could I forget?! My favorite pose! The climax of the standing series!" and moved them smoothly into the pose. My good friend was taking the class, first she'd taken from me since I got back from training and was favorably impressed overall, helpfully recommended more Voice! Projection! and said the Triangle incident didn't harm my credibility too much. After all: Krista forgets poses sometimes and she just laughs it off. My friend's dearest praise was that my class provided positive energy--thus it is TRULY my heart intention that is getting through to my students. (Ergo, they are not sitting there and nitpicking "She said the same thing on the other side! She didn't leave us in that pose long enough! She's not giving us enough information about this pose!" like *I* am.) That makes me so happy! What we say and *how* we say it truly affects those around us, in any context.

My main joy/frustration remains the fact that I LOVE teaching and the more I do it the more I *want* to do it and because of many factors, financial and personal (see the paragraph with the business card procrastination,) I'm not doing it as much as I'd like. With rare exception (like the two days I took off to visit my grandma) I am working 7-8 hours per day at a desk. THE MARMOT WANTS TO TEACH YOGA FULL-TIME!!! Or at least half-time, thankee very much.

I hope to have good news on the subject for you soon!

My friend and I

2006-08-14T16:03:00.000-07:00

My friend and I, originally uploaded by NiceMarmot.

Our anatomy teacher (the MD who is a Barkan-trained yoga teacher and soon-to-be qualified acupuncturist) called this skeleton "our little friend." This, and many other things she said CRACKED ME UP. She also really knew her sh*t and her lectures were really relevant and her handouts excellent. SHE ROCKS! She is standing in the background in the blue shirt. Bad hair day for me, I'm afraid! I WANT one of these skeletons so I can have a "little friend."

Today I got the opportunity to teach Wednesday, so I'm teaching then as well as tomorrow (Tuesday.) Schweet! I haven't taken a hot yoga class in a week and now it is a half hour away...can't wait...withdrawal...body needs heat and asanas...mmmmm...

Tuladandasana (Balancing Staff Pose)

2006-08-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

Jimmy & Kate, originally uploaded by NiceMarmot.

Jimmy clinics Balancing staff with the awesome Kate B.

Standing Head to Knee pose

2006-08-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

Standing Head to Knee pose, originally uploaded by NiceMarmot.

Another photo from training. This is a signature pose from our yoga lineage. Guess which one's me. Hint: I am not wearing a bikini. Not that there's anything wrong with that. You will not that here I am working on straightening my right leg. Jimmy is at right with his back turned; better photo of him later this week.

Last night I had an awesome class from Krista. In this pose I straightened both legs, bent my elbows below my calves, and started to round my head down to my knee. That all has happened maybe once and never since training, certainly. I don't know what was going on, since I hadn't practiced since last Wednesday and I was poorly hydrated. I was definitely connecting with my breath!

Teaching Report: Bonzer!

2006-08-04T12:28:00.000-07:00

Last night's class went really well!! I feel like I did much better than last time. The class was much different than last time. Six of my friends were there--one total beginner, three pretty new to hot yoga, and two of my buddies from Barkan training takin' it on the road! There were five or six other students, as well. Before class began, I was standing behind the desk and a woman with whom I've taken a lot of classes came in. (To take my class.) She saw where I was standing and her face LIT UP and she said "Are YOU **TEACHING**?!" and when I said yes, well, she acted like Christmas had come early, she congratulated me and she was so excited. It was the sweetest thing; I'm lucky I didn't start crying. I am now, thinking about it. (I didn't sleep well last night and as a result, I'm like a fragile little china thing. Some customer at the bank just now called one of the tellers, for no reason at all--was not even doing a transaction!, a "sorry little bitch" and I cried. But I digress.)

Again I ran the class sort of long and ended up flowing poses or eliminating second sets at the end. I couldn't resist doing the variation of Balancing Staff again and I even threw in Supta Bhadrasana/Reclining Gentle Pose because it is so yummy. I liked the energy of a larger class. My total beginner, my friend, did so well and said it was really relaxing and fun! I think I managed the heat better this time, and felt calmer. My two Barkan buddies also praised me (but they're such positive people anyway) and said my voice was much calmer than it had been in training. I still don't feel totally comfortable--at training I joked around a lot more while I was teaching, but I had Jimmy to make fun of. :) When I got tongue-tied, my friend C said I was very flustered and I should probably just tango on. Which I knowI should do. I was very pleased with most of the cues I gave, though. I spent some time studying in the car beforehand and I think it helped. Although some points I probably belabored. PLENTY of lifting the thighs together and internal rotation of the thighs. Which is almost the same thing. C also said I was very clear, and did a good job of explaining the benefits of the poses. So: yay! And onward to even better teaching!

Teaching Again--hooray!

2006-08-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

I am teaching tonight at 6:30 and I am so excited! Yesterday I was wishing I could teach that very night. I have my Barkan notebook with me so I can study a bit this afternoon. I'm going to focus on two things--directing the energy with my voice (that's for me) and in terms of the words I say, I want to talk about breath a lot. (I know, really original--but MUY IMPORTANTE!) I know I'll have at least one beginner, as my friend H. is planning to come, and that's a good basic concept for beginners and regulars to hear. Over and over. I know it sounds so simple but I need to hear it over and over in my own practice. I can't tell you how many times I find myself in Triangle, about to bust a gasket, and realize I'm holding my breath. Hello! I often think to myself that much of a yoga teacher's job is to say "Breathe!" I say it a lot when I can't think what to say next. It's never wrong.

My mom has been taking a gentle yoga class from the woman who's also her massage therapist. She and her friend Anita were the only two at the class yesterday so they got pretty much a private session. My mom was excited to tell me she got into downward dog. ("I didn't think I could do that!" she said.) I am so proud of her! I hope to teach her a yoga class while she's here next week.

Someone asked how the Barkan Method is different from Bikram, other than the sequence. First, the class starts with one set of pranayama deep breathing, not two. I cannot say this has improved my equanimity with the second set of pranayama when I now take a Bikram class--it has always chapped my hide. (By the second set I'm thinking: Let's get to the good stuff, the asanas! TOMMY WANT WINGY!) In general, I would say there's more flexibility/freedom in how the teacher can structure the class. There are never two sets of every single pose, so there are more poses. And first sets of certain poses are variations of the pose that sort of warm you up for the full expression of the pose in the second set. The flexibility allows the teacher, if she or he chooses, to do single sets of most standing poses in order to do, for example, a bunch of hip openers in the last part of class. Or backbends. I find it's a great combination of "structure and freedom" as Jimmy says--over a period of time going to the class, you are really advancing in and refining certain postures, but as it's a little different each time and you DON'T usually do all the same poses two classes in a row, it keeps you on your toes if you'll forgive a yoga pun, and tunes up strength and balance in different areas. There's also more of an emphasis on modifications/injury rehabilitation Barkan.

I have been trying to go to yoga class no less frequently than every other day. I miss going twice a day and every day! But it hasn't worked with my work schedule in the last week or so. I'd love to go every weekday at 4:30 so I can do Bikram MWF and Power Vinyasa TTh. That Power Vinyasa kicks my hiney. Hoo boy.

Over the past few weeks, it has been so neat getting emails from the people with whom I went through training. One has bought a studio, some are opening new studios, or they're moving, they've had to take over a class unexpectedly midway through because the teacher was sick to her stomach, they've had a student loudly proclaim "Wow! That was like an orgasm!" in the middle of class. And they're always positive and encouraging--I'm very blessed to have a virtual community like that.

Today I'm having lunch with a Barkan brother and sister--a woman who went through training with me, and her fiance, who had gone through two years before and looked after the heaters, the microphone system, and lots of other operational things during our training. I think of them as the Yoga Lovebirds--they are so sweet! They have applied for a business visa to go to New Zealand and open a yoga studio there. The woman, C, also teaches Yin Yoga, which I am really intrigued to experience. There's a studio on my way to work that offers it, so I'm hoping to take a class in the morning next week. (Yin Yoga is a style of yoga developed by Paul Grilley that holds one gentle pose at a time for between three minutes and ten minutes! Really gets into the connective tissue.) The Lovebirds are also coming to my 6:30 class--I have a big cheering section today!

Meditation on the Beach

2006-08-02T14:57:00.000-07:00

Meditation on the Beach, originally uploaded by NiceMarmot.

Sunrise, Fort Lauderdale Beach

2006-07-27T18:16:00.001-07:00

Florida sunrise, originally uploaded by NiceMarmot.

For all my complaining about the climate, etc., sometimes Fort Lauderdale can be unequivocally beautiful. This was often the scene when we got down on the beach at 7 AM for Sun Salutations and meditation.

Week 4 and Training Wrap-Up

2006-07-27T18:01:00.000-07:00

You ask, you get--my journal/email from week 4 (July 17), adapted most especially for this marmotty space:

Well, I can't believe my teacher training is just about over. It went by so fast! I have really mixed feelings. I can't WAIT to get home, and I know some time to absorb everything I've learned, not to mention start TEACHING, is what I really need. But it's bittersweet to say goodbye to this community of wonderful friends and teachers. And I'm going to miss
taking yoga classes twice a day. Yes, folks--today contained my 43rd and 44th classes and I'm hungry for more!

This was an emotional week, some rough spots, but lots of bright ones, too. This week in clinic we taught several poses in series. I forgot a pose and when I realized it, I got really thrown off and didn't know how to start up again and...ran out of the room crying. Teaching in clinics had been going really smoothly for me before then, and I hadn't had any
emotional...stuff, going on, either. Lisa was leading clinic that day so she called a ten-minute break and kindly talked me through it. She told me among other things not to be so hard on myself and figured out I'm a Virgo. My inwardly-focused perfectionism IS that obvious. So I went back a few minutes later and knocked that series of poses out of the park, if I
do say so. It didn't hurt that before I went back to teach it, and after I did so, several of my fellow teachers-in-training came up and gave me hugs, reassurance, and positive feedback.

This last Friday, we did another Sacred Music yoga class led by Lisa. At one point, we did two sets of Bridge pose, followed by two sets of Wheel pose. I tried Wheel a long time ago, maybe two years, and didn't have the upper body strength to do it. So whenever it has come up during my teacher training, I don't try. I always tell myself "I have a weak upper body; I
can't do Wheel" and just do more sets of Bridge. The energy of this particular Sacred Music class, however, got me to truly examine that thought when it came up. And this time, I just told myself I could do it. I remembered something Jimmy had said and pictured myself having already done it. I really _wanted_ to do it, to open up my body that way. And
then: I did it, I pushed up into a full Wheel. I was so surprised and happy, I cried! (As you've probably figured out by this time--par for the course. I'd already cried in that class that day.) And then I almost shouted out "help!" because I had no idea how to get out of it once I had my body up in the air like that! I eventually flopped out of it completely ungracefully, and laughed. But I felt very powerful. Huzzah!

Tuesday, Mike arrives in the morning (early.) There will be one more yoga class, taught by Jimmy, of course, and then we'll have graduation at 12:30. Most people will hit the road, including my dear roommate Amanda, who is driving all the way back to Massachusetts over the next few days, where she'll immediately start house shopping! I want to give her a
massive shout-out--she has been a wonderful listener, a sympathetic instant friend, and she's driven me all over Fort Lauderdale to boot! Last night we had a "goodbye" dinner at this great Italian restaurant down
Ocean Drive and we compared notes--in 30 days of sharing a small hotel room, we haven't gotten sick of each other, and we haven't even gotten on each other's nerves, not even once. Quite a feat.) Mike and I will be in the hotel one more night and we'll fly home to Seattle Wednesday morning. I can't wait to escape the heat and humidity, and return to a sane land in
which one can RECYCLE and older males in Speedos and white tennis shoes are rarely seen on the sidewalks.

More importantly, I am SO excited to come back to my beloved yoga studio and TEACH A CLASS there a week from Thursday! (unless the owner has second thoughts after reading about my little breakdown up there in the second full paragraph. ;) ) I have a feeling I will teach a good class. And on the other side of the coin, as our teachers keep telling us, the training
is just beginning. Learning to teach will be an ongoing process, and I can't wait to put into practice what I've learned, and keep on learning. My students will be the best teachers!

Teaching!

2006-07-27T12:12:00.000-07:00

Hello, my little chillens. I am back on the West Coast, which, you will note, rhymes with Best Coast. Low humidity. I'm just sayin'.

I am back at the office, too, working on an hourly basis. My boss is very, very cool, yo. He lets me take a 5-week hiatus. He lets me come back to work hourly and take time off as needed to teach yoga (or...whatev.) And work is a ten-minute walk from my beloved yoga studio, where I just taught my first of three Bikram classes between now and Aug. 15. Truly, I am blessed! Now frankly I'd like to be working at the office a little less and whipping up business cards and marketing myself to various yoga-friendly establishments a little MORE. But as the blues man says, I need some money.

So, this morning I taught my first yoga class since I've been back. I walked down to the studio and was a skoch late since I started talking to a guy who was out on the sidewalk practicing his golf swing. He's just visiting but I gave him information about the studio. His golf club back in Texas has Yoga for Golfers classes-ding ding ding!

The first challenge was getting the studio open. Since it's a small studio they don't keep it open all day, and I arrive a half-hour before to open it up and start up the heat. They just changed the code on the key safe so I spent ten minutes trying to get that open. Turns out I'd heard Camille wrong when she said the code. It was a V not a B! That was really the hardest part.

I taught the Bikram sequence, but the studio owner told me to teach the poses as I see fit, from the heart. Which is good. I felt very confident going into it. It was a small class--4 people--no beginners and all had been coming for at least two months. They were awesome! And even reminded me when I started to skip Standing Separate Leg Forehead to Knee. I, however, felt weak in the voice, and just couldn't find my words! Lots and lots for me to work on. I wasn't really NERVOUS except when I stumbled. Annoyingly, what came out of my mouth was often what I'd heard Camille say in her class yesterday, which is not what I authentically want to say. I'm going to study by saying the cues out loud, and I might even record myself and make myself a CD to listen to in the car, so I can really internalize the Barkan cues. They're there, they're just hiding in my brain, short-wired by the pressure of being up in front of the class. I couldn't help playing a little bit, and did a variation on Tuladandasana (Balancing Staff Pose,) second set. I also paced back and forth a LOT and never stood to the side or in front of the class. Sigh.

No feedback from the two women students, I got a smile and a "thank you, that was a good class" from the two men.

The second hardest part was walking home and thinking of all the things I COULD have said, how I'd like to plan and direct the energy of the class better with my voice. It's all uphill from here! Overall, I'm not being too self-critical. I know my training will continue to come out, and my students are great teachers. (When I was taking too much time getting them into the pose, it was pretty obvious, for example.)

I had a comment recently asking why I went all the way to Florida to train to be a yoga teacher. Good question! There are, of course, wonderful training programs here in Seattle, and other places closer to me. But I love hot yoga, it's what I love to practice, it healed my spine, it's what I have personally experienced and so that's what I wanted to teach initially. There are NOT a lot of hot yoga teacher training programs--the main one, of course, being Bikram's 9-week program in LA. I decided that wasn't a good choice for me. (I can go into why if anyone's interested.) I looked into one other, in Portland, CorePower, but their schedule is really oriented to those who live in Portland, and I just got a good feeling from the Barkan Method website and a previous graduate of the program. And, as you can hopefully see from previous posts, it was an incredible program! Definitely the right place for me. Oh, I miss it--I miss LEARNING and I miss practicing twice a day. (Don't miss South Fla, obv.)

Down the road, I plan to get more training, in Barkan Method Level II, which is Vinyasa, and possibly prenatal yoga. And I'll see where it goes from there. I hope I'll have lots more entries in the coming weeks as I find places to teach. I work every day on cultivating a positive intention for teaching yoga, and let that be my starting point.

Halfway through Week 3!

2006-07-05T08:34:00.001-07:00

Sorry I have been so remiss about updating! Just now I have my hotel room and my roommate's laptop all to myself. Later this afternoon we're going to move to another room, higher up. Right now we're on the second floor and it's damp and many insect friends come to visit us. I'm sure there's mold in the room--having put my head into a fellow teacher-in-training's room on the ninth floor, I just know that this air is not healthy. That's what came into my head, like I'm an air-quality detector: "THIS AIR IS HEALTHY; THE AIR IN MY ROOM IS NOT."

But I digress from the point!

Second week just flew by and since the third week is half-done, I guess this week is, too! We have taught lots more poses, in a mock teaching situation with three "students" and critiques from our teacher (usually Jimmy but occasionally Lisa.) Everyone seems to be loosening up with this now, letting their authentic selves out, and getting more energy into their teaching. I am more comfortable doing this now, it's fun.

My own practices has had ups and downs--I pulled a back muscle so I was and still am taking it easy. But before that, I finally straightened one of my legs in Standing Head to Knee--a first for me! I was so excited, and of course I haven't been able to accomplish it since. When I did it, I wasn't TRYING to do it, I was just focusing on practicing the pose. So the advancement came effortlessly. That's the trick--effortless effort. Sort of a koan!

Emotionally I've been doing well. Last week I was really missing my husband and so last weekend he flew across the whole damned country to visit me for two days! It was so nice to see him. We didn't do much--didn't even get down to the beach, it was raining almost all day on Sunday!--but we had a great time, and now I can make it to the end (he's flying out for graduation, too--FF miles!) without being too much of a mopey pants.

I got my hair cut Saturday. It had been one month since my last cut and my gigantic brown fro was driving me NUTS. It's now pretty short--different than the way Genius Jessica cuts it, but pretty good. And most importantly: SHORT.

I will definitely keep practicing at my beloved studio when I get back, but I have dreams of converting half our garage into a practice space. I would move out the crap, put down a carpet remnant, get rid of cobwebs, probably paint and spray some canned insulation into key insect party areas, and most importantly buy a gigantic space heater. I have heard, and firmly believe myself, that as a teacher I need an independent practice. Teaching takes a lot out of you; a solo practice can "fill the well."

Yesterday we had a half-day off. I laid around, watched several episodes of "Monk," and ate over half of a pint of Ben & JErry's Phish Food ice cream. And didn't drink much water. So this morning I had to rest out the last 90% of class. I was dizzy and just didn't have any "juice" in the tank! So I have vowed not to have refined sugar the rest of my training. I knew it was a bad thing for my practice. I just had a salad, some cold cereal, and blueberries for lunch. I will now sign off so I can have a little something more, and start on a liter of electrolyte-enhanced water before our afternoon clinics. It's Standing Separate Leg Forehead to Knee this afternoon, or should I say Dandayamana Bibhaktapada Janushirsasana!

Hope you are well!

Halfway through Week 3!

2006-07-05T08:34:00.000-07:00

Yoga Teacher Training: Week 1

2006-06-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

[NOTE: If you are on my email list, this is a copy of the email I just sent. Let me know if you want to be on my email list, too! Sorry to be repetitive, but I don't have time and energy today to write more than one thingy... hopefully some originally content for you Marmot readers later in the week. Peace!]

It's a rainy, wet, thundery (but still warm!) day in Fort Lauderdale.
Sunday is our day off so I have some time to regroup, do laundry, study!,
and let you know how it's all going.

My first week has been so challenging. I would say until Friday, each yoga
class was _hard_ for me. There are several poses I'm not very familiar
with in the Barkan series, particularly chaturanga, part of sun
salutation, which we do at the beginning of each class, just after
Pranayama breathing. Chaturanga is sort of like a pushup, but with your
elbows in to your ribcage, standing on your toes and hands (palms,) and
you (ideally) touch your chest and chin to the floor. I really don't have
the upper body strength for it, and even struggle in the modified version,
where I'm on my knees rather than my toes. So this has been a wonderful
opportunity for me to confront my ego. In plain English, it's been very
frustrating, but I'm working with it and hopefully my triceps will develop
quickly. :) When I'm feeling frustrated or negative, I think of my
teachers who took so much time and energy to teach me, everyone I practice
with at HYL, and of my future students, and endeavor to do my best with
them in mind.

We've had several classes led by Lisa--she is our other main teacher
besides Jimmy. She is so amazing--she focuses on your mind and spirit and
reminds us constantly that YOGA IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL **GOOD**! In her class
on Thursday, she asked us to observe our thoughts during our practice, to
see which ones we could label "useful" and which ones "not useful." Boy,
did I ever have a bunch of crap in my mind! So that made me feel like I
can do much better in my own practice if I can just get out of my own way.
If that makes any sense. Anyway, Lisa has a very peaceful, nurturing
energy, and I always leave her class feeling refreshed, energized, and
positive.

Other graduates of Jimmy's program have taught us, as well, and they've
been EXCELLENT, each with their own individual style. This makes me think
even more highly of the program--Jimmy's not trying to make everyone teach
his way. And he emphasizes this himself, that his job is to facilitate
discovery of our own voice as a teacher. In our technical breakdowns of
each pose, there's even sometimes room for personal interpretation.

My fellow teachers-in-training are a joy, each one. I was walking toward
the ballroom where we practice and do clinics one day this week, and
passed four of them in the hallway. From each one, I got a 400W flat-out
grin. There's so much positive energy in the group; it's great. When we
introduced ourselves the first day, there were lots of stories of
incredible healing from yoga, including from a woman with muscular
dystrophy who has seen incredible improvement in her symptoms and movement
abilities from her hot yoga practice. Very inspiring.

Hydration and nutrition are challenging, too, but I think I'm getting the
hang of it. I'm tending toward whole foods--dairy, nuts, nut butters, some
veggies but most importantly--FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT! especially fresh cut
pineapple. I am also drinking bottle after bottle of electrolyte-enhanced
water. I had the thought at one point this week, as I was falling asleep
during one of my breaks: "Ah, I'll take a nap, I'm so sleepy. No! Must
stay awake so I can keep drinking water..." It's not a dilemma I've faced
before. I think I'm getting enough sleep, although I'm rarely sleepy at
bedtime! Something about the ZING of energy from the late-afternoon yoga
class. My brain is processing lots of information, too, Sanskrit and
history and philosophy of yoga. Hopefully I'll have some sort of a handle
on that information before we dive into anatomy this Wednesday, with an MD
who teaches anatomy to medical students. She's also a graduate of this
teacher training program. I can't wait!!

hello bubbye

2006-06-17T11:13:00.000-07:00

I got back from the meditation retreat yesterday around 5:00. It was really wonderful. The teachings were intense, clearly taught, but with a tendency to blow my mind as I tried to wrap my mind around the ideas. My teacher is incredible. My mind, however, was distracted, busy, resistant, aversive, judgmental, sleepy, you name it. I had a hard time concentrating, but I stuck with it and of course saw benefit. It definitely showed that my preparation and intention had been less strong. An external manifestation of the inner lack of preparation (e.g. no daily meditation practice) were all the things I forgot to pack. Like, I don't know, MY MEDITATION CUSHION?! It was OK, there were extras. My fellow retreatants were a great group, very supportive and enthusiastic. I led a guided meditation session one evening for the group, so I had to face some fears there, and I think it went well. I also had the opportunity to lead a short yoga class each day for my fellow retreatants. (About four to five students each day.) This was a great experience. (The last time I was on retreat, it was my reluctant acceptance of this task that led to my aspiration to become a yoga teacher!) It was usually the same five people showing up and they were very game, patient with me, as I was demonstrating/practicing the poses and talking through the poses simultaneously. I kept having the urge to walk around them and see if I could do adjustments to help them, but I did want to keep up some sort of practice myself, and continue to demonstrate poses. One day, one student (a guy I regularly meditate with at my dharma center) complained about bow pose, so the next day, I took them through two sets of it (even though we were doing single sets of all other poses) and reminded them that "it's the poses you hate the most that you need the most!" Heh heh. Maybe I won't be such a pushover teacher after all. :) (That's one of my fears.) Like I said, it was so beneficial as I go into training; I am so thankful to these students!

I went to my yoga studio this morning, where Audrey taught. There were a couple of moments when I was very lightheaded (not sure what's up with that) but I did not rest out any poses. I just decided at this point, two days away from classes in training, I should be kind to myself by staying in rather than by resting out. I think my mind was really pretty calm coming off the retreat, too. And it was a great class. After several days of doing an independent, abbreviated practice (50 min max) in a cool space, it was such a joy to take class in a hot studio, and get to do two sets of each pose! I was able to thank Audrey and Camille (who took the class) as I headed out the door.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to me and supporting me. :) I'm off to Florida in about ten hours!

OMG or Studio Drama or the Double that Wasn't

2006-06-06T21:18:00.000-07:00

I have decided not to feel guilty about going to bed at 11:00. I did it last night, I woke up just after 6:00 AM, got up and went to yoga class and didn't feel tired all day. I just need less sleep in the summer so I am going to stay up until 11:00 and like it. So there.

So the class this morning was a one-hour Power Vinyasa class. Krista taught. I hadn't taken Power Vinyasa since before the 60 days. I LOVED it. It was SO MUCH FUN not to know what's coming next, and I was really feeling my breath well. I felt great afterward, too! I think Krista was impressed that I showed--she raised her eyebrows. She is leaving tomorrow to head up to where she'll get married this weekend! (Rememember this--it's important later in the post.)

So I go about my day, I'm feelin' spiffy, have a pretty good day at work, although not too productive since I went out to Araya vegan Thai buffet with my work peeps and then had an AFLAC informational meeting. Don't ask. I go home, I do laundry, I get stuff done, start on some dharma stuff, then dash to the yoga studio, arriving at just about 6:29.

I walk in and no one's behind the desk, which is odd. But I get my stuff and walk into the room and everyone's sort of shifty, looking at each other. So I make eye contact with a woman and ask "Who's teaching?" She says: "I don't know! No one's here." So I go back outside the room. No one's there. So. I taught!

It was the best because I got to teach but I did NOT have the opportunity to stress out about it first! I just jumped right in. I did the first set of Pranayama deep breathing before asking if anyone was taking Bikram for the first time. Guess what? FOUR beginners. (One I didn't realize she was a beginner until the end of class--guess I was out to lunch when I asked for a show of hands!) So: I thought I sucked. But I had a blast! And afterward people did say positive things. I even kept on time, much better than the first time I taught. I still have SO MUCH to learn, but I am on such a high right now. When you are doing something you love, IT IS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!!

Afterward, no one had paid, so I took money, ran credit cards, FORGOT to have the newbies fill out waivers, but oh well. I didn't call Krista, because I pretty much had it handled and why stress her out right before the wedding? Maybe I'll call Camille.

So: maybe I'll try doing a double tomorrow!

Aaah!

2006-06-05T20:10:00.000-07:00

I needed that. Krista taught at 4:30 and my good friend was there. I was between her and another yoga buddy. It was a hard class. I could tell I'd spent most of the previous 24 hours being tense and stressed out. There was stingy stuff in my eyes, I had to rest out poses and in the floor series (where I was really noticing the heat) I really had to work with my whiny mind.

I was totally ineffective at work today. Yoga class this afternoon has given me plenty of energy. I came home and did three important things:

Extracted large suitcase from closet
Placed suitcase in bedroom
Put! Items! In! Suitcase!

I also did the less important act of pre-stamping postcards, but doing trivial crap first is part of my MO. This is progress. If I can get to bed by a normal time tonight, I will go to the hour-long 6:30 Power Vinyasa class tomorrow morning. Cuz I'm nutty like that--taking a non-Bikram class?! Crazy!

I do like not having the pressure to come up with a word to define my class that day. Sometimes they just don't jump out at you.

Less crap.

2006-06-05T12:21:00.000-07:00

So, I still haven't been to class, but I will be going at 4:30 this afternoon. Probably even if there's a flood or some other type of natural disaster. I am quite determined and jonesin' for my yoga fix.

In other news, a kind person from the Barkan program emailed me back first thing this morning. Excerpts include:

"Do not be concerned!"

And:

"Please rest assured, Jimmy doesn't require the participants to be in top athletic
shape. A good, solid practice is necessary though for an understanding of asana that
would allow you to teach it."

(I think I'm there.)

ANd also:

"The retreat, IMHO, comes in ata good time! It'll ground you and relax you and put a
little space in places, a great primer for a month of intense yoga! If you find the
time in the morning during the retreat, do some sun salutations or one set each
standing postures?"

V. good suggestion, since on my own I just would have mechanically tried to get through the entire series in the short time slots allotted me, and stressed out when I didn't. Stressed out as much as is possible when you're in a beautiful forest meditating six hours a day. (I'm confident I'd find a way.)

Also, a few hours after I posted, I just decided I'm going to kick ass. So there. (oh did I mention I was up late? Between MSH out of town and my anxiety, I just can't seem to get to bed before midnight. This would be cool, except I REALLY don't do well on short sleep. I feel terrible and probably shouldn't be driving. People around me are required to use small words and when I get hungry, instead of my usual cues, my brain just comes to a grinding halt and I sit there with my mouth hanging open, with a vague questioning "why" thought hovering on the edge of my blank consciousness.)

I am going to do doubles tomorrow and Thursday. That will be hard.

Number of items packed for retreat: 0

Number of items packed for Florida: 0

But I did look up location of Whole Foods (3 miles from hotel), Internet cafe (0.7 miles from hotel) and location of dharma center (10 miles from hotel) as well as bus routes to said dharma center. I will ascertain sketch factor of said bus system prior to boarding, of course.

Oh crap.

2006-06-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

So, days off suck. This is my third day off in a row. I didn't feel like I wanted to squeeze it in in Bend on Friday (the day I left) and yesterday and today I was at my dharma center for teachings. Now I wish I had skipped them, even though they were great teachings and my first dharma teacher is back from India and it was really good to see her and talk with her a bit.

I am a little stiff, and I just feel like I NEED NEED NEED a yoga fix.

This coming Friday I'm planning to go on a 7-day meditation retreat. The day after I get back, I fly to Florida for training. I'll have time to do yoga on the retreat (there's time set aside for yoga/movement each day) but it varies depending on how long meditation sessions/teachings run, so sometimes it's only half an hour, sometimes it's an hour, and there's no way I'll be getting through ninety minutes unless I can find a place to practice before bed. And of course: no heat.

THIS IS THE MONEY PARAGRAPH: So, I just now read an email from the yoga training program containing this sentence: "By this time, you should be practicing doubles [two yoga classes/day] at least three times a week." I am freaking the f*** OUT. Either they screwed up or I screwed up and didn't read something, but that is the first I heard of a recommended training schedule. AT ALL. I've only done one double in my whole life. Back in April, I believe it was. Obviously I knew we'd be doing doubles at training, but I was feeling I was in pretty good shape, having finished 60 days of practice in a row last Sunday, and I could sort of dive right into that doubles thing at training, considering I work full-time. In fact, in order to do "at least" three doubles a week, I would have had to take time off from work or rearrange my schedule. Ironically, I could have been doing doubles in Bend last week! So I was feeling like I'd prepared better than average. Now I feel like I'll bethe worst prepared. Which is fine. It will actually be better for me in the long run. I'm such a perfectionist. (About Some Things.) But I hate feeling ill-prepared and of course the neurotic subtext is spelled FAILURE. And MSH is out of town until freaking Wednesday, I miss him, and it would be really nice to have someone to physically calm me down right now, I'm a big ball of anxiety. (I'm sure my anxiety would be less, for both obvious and physiological reasons, if I'd practiced today.) I'd think Jimmy was just screwing with us, but he doesn't seem like the boot-camp psyche-out type. I think I really screwed up and I'm going to pay for it.

Guess I'll meditate. F***!!

I emailed a dude (not Jimmy) about all this, so we'll see if he writes me back.

Day 60: peace

2006-05-31T15:44:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have slacked off so hard writing this entry! I have left you in suspense, and I apologize.

I went to my sixtieth consecutive class on Sunday morning at 10 AM. Audrey was my teacher. I had a great class, and didn't rest out any poses. I felt very peaceful in this class, and proud of myself, too. Audrey kindly acknowledged my milestone at the end of class. She is such a sweetie.

I really should have posted right when I got home! But I was really takin' it easy. Last weekend was the last weekend Mike and I spent together until late July. We went to see "X-Men 3," which I thought was very good, and then went to dinner at Union Bay Cafe, a pretty swanky restaurant located...in the same building with my yoga studio! I had been sneaking peeks at their menu and liked what I saw. The "Tarte de Printemps" of braised artichoke hearts, ricotta cheese, and caramelized shallots was delicious, as was the chocolate pecan pie for dessert. The service was WAY slow, though--we won't be back again, especially for the $$$.

Monday I flew to Bend to visit my parents. With my flight being in the morning and the fact it was a holiday, I don't think I would have been able to make it to a class here, but I liked having a day off. Yesterday, I went to a 9 AM class here in Bend. I really liked the teacher. I had to rest quite frequently in the Balancing Series--I don't mean to make excuses, but the teacher suggested it might be the altitude, and I am a sea-level person! She seemed quite concerned when I rested the first time. (A lot of Bikram teachers don't bat an eye and certainly don't pay you attention--maybe she didn't expect a sixty day-er to lie down.) Anyway, very nice studio. I may go back tomorrow. I woke up late today. I was hoping to take myself through the Barkan series. Now, as I say I didn't have much time because my dad and I went on a hike but if my impatience this morning was any indication, I will have trouble taking myself through the full series. Maybe I'll try to get my dad to do it with me and teach as I go, and keep myself honest.

Anyway, I am pretty pleased with myself, having achieved my goal. Doing Bikram yoga for 60 days straight has to be the hardest challenge I've ever completed. I'm not one that's prone to making big commitments like this and seeing them through. Accountability to you, my readers, was surely one of the things that helped me. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Stay tuned for training blogs!

(Days 56 & 57) Day 58: my spine feels fantastic! Day 59: stiff morning

2006-05-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

Day 56 & Day 57: I thought I strained my neck in Triangle-- on day 57 (ow! you reach with your hand/arm, not your neck, dummy!) Had to rest out two poses on day 56, one on day 57. My friend came to both classes and she is kicking booty!

What I want to talk about is Day 58. The class was taught by Jen, a teacher I'd never had before--found out afterward she's new to my studio. Guess what? SHE KICKS ASS!!! My first thought was that she's very cool and mellow. I liked that she would come to the front of the class and demonstrate for us, to illustrate a point about pose. And I was so so excited in the 2nd set of Rabbit, she gave us the option of doing Plow instead! Plow is one of my favorite poses--one I've always done for fun because it feels good, especially as a child, without even knowing it's a "yoga pose." It's also a spine extension, but less tension in the neck. Most importantly, she has a strongly encouraging yet gentle spirit that had me going deeper into poses than I ever had before (I got one hand up off the floor in Toe Stand! First time!) but not straining to do so, and discovering more ENERGY at every turn. I was in this great place where there was a lightness and curiosity to my practice without a TRY TRY TRY feeling in the mind that can really get in the way of practicing more deeply. On the calendar on the wall of the lobby after class, I wrote, in addition to bragging about my fantastic spine, in small letters: energy! and hooray! Because I just felt so damned joyful after class.

This morning at 8 AM, the lovely Audrey was my teacher. I was feeling darned stiff, but had a great class. I can't say enough about Floor Bow...and I felt great afterward, not so stiff, of course.

I can't believe I'm almost there--my 60th day tomorrow! Every day for 8.5 weeks. I confess that in the past few days I have been really looking forward to taking a day off from yoga on Monday! But the class from Jen yesterday was definitely a morale booster. Only one more to go... I should have kept some more stats during the 60 days. Like how much water I drank, how many bottles of Vitamin Water (which I had this morning--after a bit of food--taking ladylike sips--and no ill effects!,) how many hours I slept or... how many loads of laundry I've done! People have asked me how much weight I've lost, and I don't know. Considering how much musclier I am now, I've probably lost no weight, just mass! The most important difference is how I feel--my body is virtually pain-free, and I lift things and use my body the HEALTHY way now, without even giving it conscious thought--body awareness. (A woman complimented my lift at the carry-on retrieval cart after we landed in Medford.) And I've come a long way with my mind, too. I know now that it is my mind that creates limits for myself--my body is doing things I thought it never would! and I can usually talk my mind through it when it says "Can't! Tired! I don't WANNA!" I'm also glad I haven't had to rest out poses the last two classes, I was feeling negative about that. I think it's a product of better hydration more than anything! Water water always more water!

I just got two pairs of shorts I ordered from Anahata Clothes. I had bought a pair of the Ashtanga shorts at Shakti in Ballard and really like them (SO comfy,) so I went online to order more. They're made in the USA, shipped very fast, and at $26 and $32, they're cheaper than Prana! I am not sure about the visual aspect of the "crossover waistband"--I don't wear cropped yoga tops so often it's like a wee triangle of tummy skin pointing toward my hoo hoo dilly, but I admit that's probably me being neurotic. From a pure practice standpoint, it feels great to not have material cinching right across my belly. The Relaxed Short is made of the same very soft moisture-wicking fabric, just has an inch longer inseam, and a straight waistband. It's a nice wide waistband, so I don't think there will be an uncomfortable cinching sensation. (I got one pair of each.) I have a pair of spandex shorts I got on clearance at Target, and they just bug me. They have a zippered key pocket in back, since they were made for running, and the zipper pull sometimes pokes into my lower back when I lie down. The first time it happened I thought I'd pulled a muscle or something! And the waistband digs in. The thing about going to training is--I can't afford to replace all my not-so-ideal pieces of yoga clothing and I don't have the luxury of leaving them at home--I'm going to have to use each and every shred of Lycra currently in my possession to get through eleven classes a week! I'll probably be making myself a sports-bra out of Ace bandages by week 3!

Day 55: hard class

2006-05-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

The busier I am (my mind is) before class, the harder the class is! It was a 6:30 class last night so I was at home cleaning the kitchen and putting away laundry beforehand. I had to rest out plenty of poses and didn't have much energy. Krista gave me energy by giving me a shout out in the spine strengthening series. "I know it's hot in here, and it's hard, but when there's a full class working together, there can be some great energy in the room. Colette is here on day 55, on her way to 60!" I try to focus on one day at a time, so when she said that I looked at the whole THING, and felt like roaring and crying at the same time. Before class, she'd asked me what day I was on and telling me "That is big! Do you know how big that is?!" but I wasn't really wrapping my mind around it, thinking that I should be doing the poses better considering I've done it so many times. Crafty Krista--saying that in class made me want to try harder and do better!

Floor Bow IS becoming my favorite pose. Weird. Also weird to think I only have five more classes before I get to sixty.

Day 54: muddy mind

2006-05-23T08:02:00.000-07:00

Ah, back to my own studio and dear Krista. Had an OK practice; once again rested out second set of Standing Bow Pulling. But got a compliment in the first set! I was still tired, and easily distracted. I kept scratching and rubbing inside my eyes. Guess what happens when you do that? THEY ITCH MORE. Even though it's hard, I am really loving Floor Bow. It does a spine good.

One of my fellow students was noticing my 60-day calendar thing after class, congratulated me, and asked me about the Ashland studio. He'd been there, too, and taken from the same utterly ripped Speedo-wearing fast-talking dude! It's nice to talk to someone who can relate to one's experience.

I was hoping to go to bed at 8:30 last night but needed to get stuff taken care of (emailing, spreadsheeting) for my volunteer position at the dharma center. Maybe tonight I can fulfill my dream of going to bed early! I am also hoping to get further into the Anatomy for YOga DVD by Paul Grilley. FASCINATING stuff. Our bodies are all DIFFERENT and it affects how we do yoga. It's why my body will never look exactly like someone else's in the same pose. In one of the first parts they talk about elbow extension, and he emphasizes that the differences here are just that, just how the bones grew, not normal vs. abnormal. And all these years I've thought of myself as The Freak With the Hyperextending Elbows!

Day 52: fast and Day 53: bluh.

2006-05-22T14:58:00.000-07:00

So, Saturday morning MSH and I drove from Grants Pass to Ashland so I could go to yoga class. (MSH whiled away the time doing the exact opposite of yoga: eating eggs and bacon and then sitting in a car working on a laptop computer.) It is a neat little studio in a converted house, with hardwood floors and woodstove heat. The teacher, a man, was a TRIP. (I've had three male teachers now, and they all wear Speedos. Since Bikram Choudhury wears a speedo, I'm going to blame it on him personally. This seems strange. Of all the female teachers I've had, none of THEM wear BIKINIS to teach in. In fact, some wear PANTS!) He got out every verbal cue for every pose, every set. This means he had to talk VERY fast. He was like the Micro Machines guy! I thought it was going to drive me crazy, but I had a good class. It just felt like it was moving very fast. I could have sworn at the end the whole thing had taken an hour instead of the usual 90 minutes, but I was wrong. He also had cute little things he said, like "booty out looks good in jeans, not in yoga. Tuck that tailbone!" and a rhyme: "Elbows go below the KNEE eventualLEE." And he said he doesn't call people's names to correct them in class, because it brings out the inner child. And time is an illusion. Apparently it also brings out people's inner child to do physical adjustments, or to give them extra instructions or cautions if it's their first time doing Bikram yoga. Different. Still, I had a great class, and was very glad I practiced before my aunt's memorial service. It was a wonderful service--there's a reason we do it. It felt like we got to honor her and say goodbye, and it seemed everyone felt better afterward. The graveside freaked me out a bit, though. The whole day was full of things you don't really WANT to do but know you'll regret later if you DON'T, you know? I already regret not speaking at the service, since no one from my generation did. But damn. I'm a cryer, folks. My mom spoke; I was so proud of her.

Back to yoga.

Our flight home was supposed to get in at 2:30, plenty of time for the 5:00 class at my usual studio. Oh well. We were delayed at our stopover in Eugene for almost two hours. Got home at 5:15. I was so exhausted. All the weekend's crying and social interaction and travel piled up on me all at once and I slept for about 20 minutes on the couch before getting up and putting my clothes on for the six o clock class in Fremont. MSH dropped me off and then went to pick up his parents at the airport. So THAT was the most tired I've ever been going into a class, and I took it nice and easy. Only rested out two sets, but it was definitely NOT my finest hour. Either the teacher wasn't going to waste a bunch of time with me because I'm not a regular in Fremont, or she just took pity on me. So--only up from here, for the final week!

In the car on the way there:
MSH: You really don't want to go, do you?
ME: (shakes head)
MSH: But you're going to go anyway?
ME: (nods head)
MSH: Because you're strong in mind?
ME: (nods head)
MSH: And because your aunt would be proud of you?
ME: (nods head)
MSH: I'm proud of you, too, honey.

Day 49: balance and Day 50: smooth, energy

2006-05-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

I keep using the same damn words over and over again folks. I apologize for my lack of creativity!

Anyhoo, seems I missed a day somewhere. Today is day 50!!! Almost there. So, two days to document here, and both classes were taught by Camille.

Yesterday's class was HOT. But good. Only five students. Afterward I was asking Camille why my left side in Triangle is so much more effort than my right. She says one side is always going to be easier than the other--we're not symmetrical! Same thing happens for me in Full Spinal Twist.

Today I was so tired coming to class. I don't know what it is--I worked an hour longer than normal today, but just one hour shouldn't have made me SO dog tired. Must have been the heat. Our office has no air conditioning--no normal air circulation of any kind, really--and so it is much hotter than it is outside! And stuffy. Anyway, I felt like a slug, and I think only the 60-day streak could have gotten me out of my armchair and off to class. Again, it is this kind of day when I get SO much energy out of practice. I think of all the days before I committed to this when I was tired or grumpy or a combination of the two, so I chose not to go to class. I was turning my back on some GREAT classes there! Camille said near the beginning, if you really put a lot of effort into the first few poses, you'll get more out of the rest of the practice. I tried to do this, and maybe that's why I had such a successful class today. I just really ENJOYED it. After the first set of Half Tortoise, I found myself wishing class would go on and on. And that's usually the place where I'm eagerly counting down the poses to the end, feeling so tired. I felt strong and smooth and wonderful. And still do an hour later!

Tomorrow I'll do an early morning class, and fly to Medford/Grants Pass in the afternoon. With one thing and another, I probably won't be able to update until Monday. So have a great weekend!

Day 47: hot!

2006-05-17T08:58:00.000-07:00

Two meanings there--one, it was a pretty hot class. More humid than hot, really. Two, my practice is hot. Hot like a pistol. I'm doing well.

Audrey taught--love Audrey! It was, in fact, so hot that for most of the class she had the heaters off, and the rest of class only had two of four heaters on! She said at the end it was the hottest class she's taught at that studio. I wisely stripped down to my sports bra before practice began. But the heat means you can really stretch! Got my knee all the way down in Forehead to Knee with Stretching, at the end. Camel is really feeling good these days, too. The sweat got to me a little bit. Coming out of Triangle a bunch got right in my eyes and my contact folded up or something. I took them out. It was so humid they didn't dry up!

After class, Audrey gave me a bag of yoga clothes she doesn't wear anymore, for me to take to training. HOW SWEET IS THAT?!

It looks like I will make the lone Saturday class at Bikram Yoga of Ashland (Oregon.) Can't believe there isn't one in Medford. Get with it, Medford! And Grants Pass! THis will be the furthest I've driven for a class. Rah! The streak will continue!

Day 46: grateful

2006-05-15T22:29:00.000-07:00

Oh, man, I should have practiced twice today. By the time 4:30 rolled around, my back was in serious pain. Just knotted up with stress and emotion. Never have I so looked forward to spine strengthening, let alone FLOOR BOW. Rabbit really straightened out my neck, too, where all the back tension seemed to be taking refuge as I worked through the spine. I am still tight and contemplating getting a massage before flying down for my aunt's service. The sixty days' practice is really making me more aware of how my body reacts to stress. Anyway, I was very, very grateful for my yoga practice today. It was nice and hot, and a smaller class, but very good energy. And Krista taught. Sigh!

Day 44: joy and Day 45: I [heart] humidity. Also: Greater Challenge)

2006-05-15T11:37:00.000-07:00

After teaching in the morning, I went Saturday to the 4:00 class at the Sweatbox. Thank you, Sweatbox, the only Saturday afternoon class in my area! More than once, you've saved my yoga butt. It was a good class. I liked the teacher, a petite woman named Kim with glossy black hair. I did pretty well and didn't rest out poses, but it was not quite hot enough for me. My right hamstring was sore afterward and I think I'm subject to an affliction that must be common in intermediate/advanced students: pushing oneself too hard on a day when one isn't naturally getting as deeply into the poses. I like the feeling of extension and accomplishment, for example, when I'm deeply into Standing Bow Pulling, and when it's not just happening, I think I may have been pushing it to try to get that "cookie." Obviously, that ain't good yoga! Need to remember what my teachers always say: Your body is different from one day to the next and one set of a pose to the next. Just be with where you are today and breathe into it.

Sunday I went to teachings at my dharma center. I had stayed up late the night before reading an excellent novel (The myth of you and me, by Leah Stewart, best I've read in some time) and so was somewhat sleepy, I'm ashamed to say! But the teachings were excellent and at the break between sessions, my friend Cheryl and I walked down to the park with Yangsi Rinpoche, our teacher. It was a gorgeous sunny day (I got a wee sunburn!) and we admired the view of Elliott Bay and Mt. Rainier. Rinpoche told us about the wild elephants where he grew up in India. At the end of the afternoon teaching session, Cheryl took refuge with Yangsi Rinpoche. After taking down the altar and a few other details, I high-tailed it for my yoga studio, just in the nick for the 5:00 class. Krista taught and was anxious to hear how I'd done. She said Camille said I did great and "got it all out." This and a little distance has me feeling even more positive about the class Saturday. Once the class got started, I kept listening to guidance Krista gave and thinking "I didn't say that, I didn't remember to say that..." Krista has so much energy, caring, and aspiration in her voice at various times. She is just a wonderful, wonderful teacher. I wish everyone could take from her once. Like, if I could give the world a smile? I would give the world a yoga class with Krista. :) It's a bit intimidating because I think, how can I remember it all and do it with as much compassion and energy as Krista does? But I hope I will someday. She told me herself I'm just going to suck the first year and boy, I know more and more surely that it is true. Krista said "beautiful alignment, Colette," in Standing Bow Pulling. That feels good. It was nice to be back in the higher humidity of my home studio--Sweatbox has excellent air exchange but it keeps the air pretty dry. However, in Sunday's class the sweat was really running into my eyes more than normal. And I did rest out two poses. My balance in Toe Stand continues to improve.

This morning I got to work and checked my uncle's blog to find that my aunt passed away in the night. (My aunt was diagnosed with a rare, virulent brain cancer four years ago, and fought the disease better than almost any "victim" ever.) I went out back and cried by myself for a while, but then I decided I wanted a hug so I went up and told my boss, and a couple of coworkers hugged me, too. It felt so good to tell just one person and receive sympathy. MSH came and picked me up at work and we're home now. Even being "ready" for such news, it's so so hard. My aunt was one of the strongest, toughest, vibrant, most dynamic and powerful women I've ever known. "Can't" never crossed her mind, and she believed in those she loved as much as she believed in herself. Whether it was white-water rafting, walking across France, or passing a school levy for a new high school in a town full of rednecks, tax conservatives, and Californian transplants who did NOT want to raise their property taxes thankyouverymuch, she just DID it. She was a full-time mom, served on the school board, and taught English at the community college. It was very hard when surgery to relieve swelling in her brain took away her ability to speak, or move anything on the left side of her body. Every family gathering used to ring with her laughter and her confident voice. After she got sick, for a long time every time I saw her, afterward I would just weep, with my mother if she was there. Growing up, I mostly spent time with her, my uncle, and cousins when I spent summertime vacations in Grants Pass, about five hours from where I grew up in suburban Portland. She was old-school in that she mothered my sister and I, and her kids' friends, when we were around, just as firmly and kindly as she did her own kids. My favorite photo of her used to hang above her desk at their old house. It was taken just as she and her fellow school board members learned the levy to build the new school had passed. She's in 3/4 profile, her fists raised in celebration, her hair shaking so fast it's a blur, joy across her face. That's how I always want to remember her.

It's early going, but it looks like there will be a small service for family this week. I am going to yoga class today--I know she would want me to. World traveler that she was, my uncle and cousins have insisted my grandma and my sister leave tomorrow on a long-planned trip to Quebec. There will be a larger service at the end of the month or maybe the first part of June. There is a hot yoga studio in Ashland, forty miles from Grants Pass, so I will do my best to keep my sixty days' practice going.

I'm grateful she was given the amazing four years of life after diagnosis. She and my uncle traveled more than most retirees do in four years--up to the Canadian Rockies, out to Boston and to Florida, to Death Valley and many times to California and the Oregon Coast. She and my uncle's lives were full of wonderful friends and strong family. Not everyone has the chance to be with their kids and their husband, knowing they won't live long, and tell them the important things, taking each day as a gift despite the pain and discomfort. And she died at home, with my uncle at her side, having just visited the day before with her kids and her brother and sister.

One April when she was sick (must have been a year after diagnosis) and mostly using a wheelchair, but could still speak, I found out from my grandpa that she and my uncle were up in Washington for a few days, to see the tulips in Skagit Valley. I called my uncle's cell phone and met up with them for the afternoon. It was wonderful. My aunt asked me all about what I was doing, my new job, my boyfriend, were we going to get married, just rejoicing in me. She was frustrated that sometimes she would start a sentence and forget what she was going to say. Her mind had always been incredibly sharp. Jimmy was patient with her and encouraged her to be patient with herself. I am so glad I got to spend that time with them. My uncle's patience is endless. He is so loving and calm and practical. I talked to him last week. I'd just made plans to fly down to Bend and drive with my mom to Grants Pass to visit, May 30-June 2. He told me Jeannie was coming home from the hospital after one more downturn, that she was feeling much more like herself. That they were planning another course of chemo with a drug on the cusp of approval by the FDA for her type of cancer. (Their pharmacy had insurance so they could start right away.) I talked to him about training to be a yoga teacher, he hadn't heard. Now my aunt's free and she's not in pain. I am grateful for that. But my uncle and my cousins. (My cousins are 22 and 28.) My uncle said, as he told me Jeannie was coming home from the hospital and was on the upswing, "I'm so glad she's coming home. It was no fun coming home to an empty house."

OMG, OMG: Taught first class in studio!

2006-05-13T10:42:00.000-07:00

OK, so you're all wondering: Was anyone injured? Did she trip over anyone? Did anyone have to leave the room in disgust at her amateurish teaching?

I'm happy to say the answers are no, no, and no! It went pretty well. I was darned nervous. Yesterday I was studying at lunch and thinking I hadn't been so nervous since I played in my first rugby match. Which is actually pretty silly since barring bizarre incident I won't break any bones teaching yoga. (Not that anyone on my team broke bones playing rugby--there were MANY more injuries on the soccer team during the time I played!) MSH and I went to see a movie last night (MI:3--so so, had cool stunts) and it was probably a good idea, because otherwise I would have been obsessing.

I got to the studio at about 7:20. Pretty early. The door wouldn't stay unlocked so I propped it open. I immediately went in and turned on the heaters. It ended up being a big class that included my bosom friend (specially invited, natch,) as well as one teacher (Camille) and--what I had feared--A BIKRAM BEGINNER!!! I was a bit nervous at first, but I gained confidence quickly. I did forget the second set of one-leg Locust poses, but oh well! I said something about it and a few people laughed. I actually really liked that because it means people weren't taking their practice or me too seriously! I didn't really use the stopwatch much at alll, as I thought I would. I just guesstimated how long to be in each posture. This made me feel sort of all over the place in terms of time and it DID run long even though I skipped second sets at the end of the floor series. I hope no one minded.

There was a point right in the middle where I wanted to DASH out of the room, I was feeling really overwhelmed, but I stuck with it and felt much better by the end. I did stumble over my words here and there, and felt at a loss for words at several points. (What to say?!) For the most part, I just paced back and forth at the back of the classroom, I felt weird standing up at the front or walking between people. I think I need to do a better job of looking AT people and their ALIGNMENT, I felt like I was looking down at the floor a lot, or just at Camille, who rarely needs any adjustments! I didn't really call out any adjustments, except for the beginners and the woman who was on her fourth class.

The reactions: My friend said I did great, and I was very consistent throughout, and did well with the beginner. She said when I messed up I corrected myself, but didn't seem apologetic or anxious, which was good as she thinks anxiety can transfer to the students. (Good point!) I asked the beginner "What did you think?" and she said "It was great!" One of the regulars, who I know is very frank, said it was good, she could definitely tell I was a new teacher because there were long spaces in the dialogue, but she seemed positive. And Camille said "You did great!" (Hopefully she'll be able to flesh that out for me later.)

So, in closing, I would say: I need a LOT of work. Having the dialogue truly memorized means that you KNOW when you're about at the end of a posture, without using the clock. Since I don't seem to like staring at the stopwatch. (At least not a digital one...) However, I had fun and the experience just made me want to study harder, and learn MORE MORE MORE. That's gotta be a good sign.

Off to the Sweatbox this afternoon for a four-o-clock!

Day 42: tired and Day 43: smooth

2006-05-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

Camille taught on Wednesday. I had a tenderness in my right Achilles that made it kind of uncomfortable to point my toe. But I soldiered on! I felt kind of slow and tired. Slept well that night!

Yesterday I decided at the last minute I wanted to make dinner with my in-laws (Bikram is at 6:30 at my beloved studio Tues and Thurs) so I left work early, dashed home to get dressed (I really need to make it a rule never to leave home without my yoga bag with clothes) where I found that the clothes I’d put out to air-dry were not so dry. So for the first time ever I went to class in just a sports bra on top. No sports top over that. And it was my white (slightly bluish from an encounter with a bright blue brand new top) one. Then I hurried to the 4:00 class in Fremont. The instructor was a woman who looked to be about six months pregnant. (Rah! That will be me someday, teaching when I’m pregnant!) I really liked her. And when she showed a newbie the balancing postures she said “using the quad to lock out the knee.” Aha! And she complimented my Full Locust. The just-sports-bra action was actually a bit distracting because a bead of sweat can get up quite a head of steam rolling down your stomach or your back! I had a strong SMOOTH practice, no resting out poses and not too much fidgeting. (This teacher instructed us to just be still—cracked down on the McFidgets a bit!) The Achilles thing wasn't bothering me. I even balanced so well in Toe Stand on the first side that I contemplated bringing my left hand to my chest. On the few occasions I’ve gotten to this point, though, I psyche myself out and lose my balance! I think I really need to focus my yoga clothes expenditures on shorts and sports bras—if I can get used to the sensation, I’ll have fewer clothes to wash and it just seems simpler! I have plenty o’ sports top as it is. I’m going to dye the white bra a darker color, though, and just buy black shorts and bras. The vagaries of laundry today dictate that I wear the raspberry pink sports top with the turquoise shorts. Surely the color combo will be distracting to my fellow practitioners!