thursday

Today I’m celebrating my fourth day on a diet by eating a freshly prepared lunch of macaroni and cheese from the Metropolitan Market. It’s quite tasty, and loaded with saturated fats and carbs. Nothing washes that down like a sugary carbonated beverage. Mmm. Well, I’ll go running tomorrow. Rationalizations’R’Us.

In case you were stewing about my hyperbolic claims about my gigantic boobs, put this in yer pipensmokit: I just sat down at my desk and knocked over the receptacle containing the macaroni and cheese. With my boob. I scored a grand slam, getting ‘n’cheese on: my shirt, my pants (in my special place, OF COURSE!,) and the floor.