Long post!

Ack, sorry to neglect you, my internets.

So! Here are some things that have happened:

1. I got (after a lot of ins, outs, and what-have-yous) a weekly teaching job at "my" beloved studio.

It is at 8:15 PM-9:30 PM, Wednesday nights (that's today!) It's a time that hasn't been on her schedule for a while, but people have asked for it specifically. The first time I taught was last week. My husband and my friend showed up and that was it! Which was actually VERY OK, since I was coming down with a bad cold and appreciated not having to PROJECT my voice further than two people. Also had a chance to work out the timing--it's fifteen minutes shorter than a normal class BUT I get to teach Barkan.

2. I figured out that I was NOT looking for yoga teaching jobs in my spare time, so I've ratcheted back my schedule at the Office to 30 hours per week.

This has been very good so far (I'm mid-way the second week of this schedule,) although I would not say the amount of progress I've made on finding yoga work has been stunning. I do enjoy running in the middle of the day, and going to lunch downtown with my husband, etc.

3. I have definitely identified that my old insecure, self-defeating, hesitant, perfectionist HORSE PUCKEY has once again taken up residence in my mind.

After the brief brilliant space of self-confidence during and just after training wherein I was very confident in myself, and the fact that cultivating my intention for teaching would cause everything else to happen just as it should. Everything to do with finding yoga work, with that strong and positive intention, seemed so easy and Not Like Work. Well, not anymore. I'm back at the same job, in the same house, and guess what? Those bad mental habits are back, too. (Along with some new letdown/guilt that I allowed these demons back home to roost--it's a regular self-defeating FIESTA!) Sometimes I think i should just quit at the Office but that would put them in a terrible bind besides which it could be a fantasy that having no regular job (read: structure) would compel me to flit around like a busy bee putting out my teacher energy in ways both physical and UNSEEN. I could also, you know, watch HBO six hours a day. That's what happened the last time I had no "job" whatsoever--except I didn't have cable TV, I was 22, in credit card debt, and didn't practice yoga or meditate regularly (NOTE: I still don't meditate daily or really more than twice a week but aspire to!) So I am looking into doing life coaching with a friend of mine who's starting a certification program in Life Coaching. She was the one who life-coached me into going to teacher training NOW THIS YEAR instead of "in 2007" or "when I've saved up the money." It was very effective, and that was only like half an hour. So I know she's money. For those of you who don't know what Life Coaching is, there's some info here: http://www.findyourcoach.com (please note I picked a webpage at random from a "what is life coaching" Google search, and for reasons unknown Blogger said my tag was broken so it wouldn't let me put the link in nice neat HTML, sorry!), but my definition is: someone who gets you unstuck. If you want to do something, e.g. change your life/career, or accomplish some big goal, and you don't know what it is, or if you do, but you don't know how to get there, or you lack the motivation or something's holding you back, the life coach helps you get there.

4. I have decided to run a marathon in my aunt's memory.

In the past I have called crazy such individuals as would attempt this--as you know, it's named for a town in Greece, Marathon, from which a man ran 26.2 miles to Athens. When he got there, he delivered his message (victory in battle) and keeled over dead. Now I will do it. Hmm. But I know I can--I used to run a lot (before this Year of Yoga) and by a lot maybe 12 miles a week? OK, that's not a lot. But it has to be something that's a challenge. Something that will take work, dedication, commitment. My aunt was no stranger to these four things. It has to be something that there is some doubt as to whether I can accomplish it--nobody thought she would live four years with a GM (virulent form of brain cancer she had) diagnosis. I know I can do it because I will be taking hot yoga classes at least three times a week while I'm training, and it will keep my body injury-free and feeling good. Now through the end of the year I will be building up a base of 20-25 miles per week with at least one run of 6 miles or more each week. Then in January starts the 18-week program. It's the same one my friend used last year when she ran her first marathon. My friends and my husband have been 100% supportive. And the last reason I know I can do it: from the first time I put the intention into words, it's been real and definite. I've even picked out which one I'll run.