movin' on in the new year

Fact: No one has proved definitively that microwaves (of the sort used to cook food) cause cancer.
Fact: No one has proved definitively that microwaves do NOT cause cancer.
Fact: I have not squirted out a miniMarmot, but plan to someday.
Fact: The microwave at work could fry a whole chicken to a crisp in under five minutes. (Opinion: I suspect it is a special experimental nuclear-powered microwave. It was left here by a former employee surname: Hamburger. Coincidence?!)

So, when at home, when I turn on the microwave, just to be on the safe side with my ovaries, I stand about four feet AWAY from the microwave BECAUSE you get DRASTICALLY less microwaves through the flesh of your bodkin at that distance than you do standing RIGHT IN FRONT of the microwave. Which I would feel compelled to do otherwise, like the thing is a fucking TV or something and watching food gyrate is my favorite show. I hope I'm not the only one. Now, when at work, I stand EIGHT feet away because those microwaves have to be at least twice as powerful. But this actually doesn't save much time, because after thirty seconds, the outer 1.5 inches of my miniquiche are piping hot, while the center portion is ice cold. So I have to eat a ring around the quiche, then return to the microwave.

Here's the part where you are confirmed in your probably fairly solid notion that I am a self-absorbed neurotic. I put my food in the microwave, and stride eight feet away while it's whirring. No one I work with has ever inquired why I loiter 8 feet away while my food is cooking. I am always hopeful that someone will ask, so I can explain the above about my ovaries and microwaves, and the non-conclusive studies. It finally bubbled up to my conscious brain today that this is freakish. So, in attempt to get it out of my symptom and quit striding hopefully, dramatically from my microwave trying to make eye contact with coworkers, I have belabored the point with you, dear reader. Now, let's all move on.

My new year's resolutions:
Meditate for at least five minutes each day.
Post to this blog every workday.