Oh crap.

So, days off suck. This is my third day off in a row. I didn't feel like I wanted to squeeze it in in Bend on Friday (the day I left) and yesterday and today I was at my dharma center for teachings. Now I wish I had skipped them, even though they were great teachings and my first dharma teacher is back from India and it was really good to see her and talk with her a bit.

I am a little stiff, and I just feel like I NEED NEED NEED a yoga fix.

This coming Friday I'm planning to go on a 7-day meditation retreat. The day after I get back, I fly to Florida for training. I'll have time to do yoga on the retreat (there's time set aside for yoga/movement each day) but it varies depending on how long meditation sessions/teachings run, so sometimes it's only half an hour, sometimes it's an hour, and there's no way I'll be getting through ninety minutes unless I can find a place to practice before bed. And of course: no heat.

THIS IS THE MONEY PARAGRAPH: So, I just now read an email from the yoga training program containing this sentence: "By this time, you should be practicing doubles [two yoga classes/day] at least three times a week." I am freaking the f*** OUT. Either they screwed up or I screwed up and didn't read something, but that is the first I heard of a recommended training schedule. AT ALL. I've only done one double in my whole life. Back in April, I believe it was. Obviously I knew we'd be doing doubles at training, but I was feeling I was in pretty good shape, having finished 60 days of practice in a row last Sunday, and I could sort of dive right into that doubles thing at training, considering I work full-time. In fact, in order to do "at least" three doubles a week, I would have had to take time off from work or rearrange my schedule. Ironically, I could have been doing doubles in Bend last week! So I was feeling like I'd prepared better than average. Now I feel like I'll bethe worst prepared. Which is fine. It will actually be better for me in the long run. I'm such a perfectionist. (About Some Things.) But I hate feeling ill-prepared and of course the neurotic subtext is spelled FAILURE. And MSH is out of town until freaking Wednesday, I miss him, and it would be really nice to have someone to physically calm me down right now, I'm a big ball of anxiety. (I'm sure my anxiety would be less, for both obvious and physiological reasons, if I'd practiced today.) I'd think Jimmy was just screwing with us, but he doesn't seem like the boot-camp psyche-out type. I think I really screwed up and I'm going to pay for it.

Guess I'll meditate. F***!!

I emailed a dude (not Jimmy) about all this, so we'll see if he writes me back.