experiment

MSH is gone for seven days eight nights on vacation with a friend of his. Now, you may think this is odd, since we've been married less than a year, that he is taking a separate vacation. But for one thing, we've always been very into doing things by ourselves, independently--evenings, whole weekends, whatever, we're pretty cool like that, it's part of what makes our relationship so (if I may brag) great. So this is just a logical extension of that. And it was an all-inclusive vacation, offered to him at the last minute, for free. (His friend is a travel agent--it's a long story.) I am very happy he's going, because he's been so stressed out at work; he REALLY needed a vacation NOW, and one sprouted TADA! like that out of the universe without any preplanning. Pretty sweet. (Besides, I was and am planning a trip to NYC without him, this spring...)

So, always one to make lemonade out of lemons (the lemons in this case being the absence of my husband, whose presence I thoroughly appreciate and usually enjoy), I have devised a sort of experiment, a semi-retreat, I call it. Of course, I will still go to work, speak with my coworkers, etc. But other than that, I am trying to keep to myself. Paraphrasing my journal, I will explain myself below.

So do not fear if you do not hear from me by phone or email. Just retreating into my cave for a bit. You can get your fix here--it will mostly be observations on evening solitude. ;) And I promise I'll have much to say when I emerge.

WHAT IS THE POINT?:

To savor my solitude and thus profit by MSH's absence, instead of moping at it.
To find and enjoy that which happens when one is alone, uninterrupted, and undistracted for long periods. I think this is, in general, a good thing.
To work single-mindedly on certain projects.
To conserve for my Self energy normally expended through communication/interaction.
To take some time to examine issues of self, aloneness, and togetherness. Particularly as regards marriage. In writing letters and at other times, I find myself debating between using "I" or using "we." What does each imply to the reader and to myself in the writing of it? Am I backing myself up with the strong "we" of myself and MSH? Perhaps passing the buck of responsibility for whatever it is I'm writing about? If I use a lot of "I," will the reader perceive trouble in our marriage in my lack of mention/implication of MSH? Do I _need_ to mention my husband in letters and conversations? What is _wife_, anyway? I feel in many ways unchanged by marriage. I am still myself. But I feel there is territory to be explored here--I won't come up with definitive answers, but the asking and pondering is worthwhile.

I WILL:

Write in my journal.
Read.
Hand-quilt.
Clean. (_Home Comforts_ is as inspiring as it is enlightening.)
Cook my own meals. (Exceptions: today at dinner and possibly some weekday lunches.)
Post to my blog, once I've written in my journal, in the evenings.
Be quiet and think.
Go running at least twice.
Go to yoga twice.
Go to dharma class on Tuesday.

I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO:
Talk on the phone.
Watch TV. (Exception: "The O.C."--this is about personal enrichment, not deprivation for deprivation's sake!)
Socialize. (Exception: talking with Susse while running, and a former coworker's farewell party on Thursday--good timing as I will probably be ready for a break.)
Go shopping, except for food.
Read or write email, except on work account for work-related purposes.
Visit websites other than my blogging website.

So, since MSH left home lastnight, today was...

DAY 1:
Slept v. poorly lastnight. Woke up a lot. Bad dream. Slept in, foregoing yoga.

Woke up, read some of _Home Comforts_. Blowing my mind--everything I wondered about (love my mom, but transmitted VERY little to me in the way of positive housekeeping habits and knowledge) is here--a rich, common-sense feast of knowledge. Hard not to skip ahead to the part on care of wood floors, but I want it all so I might as well get it in order.

Called Susse at noon. Instead of stitching (we were supposed to do it lastnight after I dropped of MSH but that turned into a long Chinese circus...), we decided to visit some textile stores and a bookshop before going to see "Lemony Snicket" with her s.o. Enjoyable. (As you can tell, I'm using to day to ease into the strictures of my retreat!) "Lemony Snicket" was OK and left me feeling not blue, but very quiet and thoughtful and wanting to be alone. Perfect for the retreat. They dropped me off and I drove down to buy my own copy of _Home Comforts_, having rendered mine unto the Seattle Public Library FOOLISHLY before ACTUALLY SECURING my own copy. Then, on the spur of the moment, decided to dine at a restaurant I've never been to. Dining alone is a healthy thing to do, and notwithstanding the cooking aspiration for the week, I had been planning to do it. I was seated in the bar (mostly empty) and luckily shielded from the TV by a light fixture and my severe myopia. I ordered a Portobello Salad and a tall glass of milk. Delicious.

Then proceeded home and...not sure what I did at first! I'm reminded of what Venerable Robina says about past lives..."you're so sure you haven't had past lives, but you can't even say what you were doing at nine o clock this morning!!" Made the bed with fresh sheets before I remembered the mattress pad was in the washer. What is the purpose of a mattress pad exactly? Havne't gotten to that part in _Home Comforts_. Realistically, I have not prohibited radio or CD's in my semi-retreated state, but I find this evening that I am just enjoying the quiet of the house. Maybe I will quilt some before bed.