Day 30: BREATHE. Day 31: calm the resistance

The past three practices, including today, I have uncovered some resistance in my mind. It is a strong rush of negativity. Yesterday, it dominated the floor series, after a pretty positive-minded standing series. Today, it hit me in the FIRST POSE! I just had the thought, screw this, I want to lie down. It actually took a lot of strength to continue in the posture. The feeling soon went away and I had an excellent practice. Rested out first set of Balancing Stick, but did very strong sets of Floor Bow. A morning practice is always harder for me--this was an 8 AM class--because I am so stiff, but afterward, I am full of energy and ready for the day. And I so enjoy taking a class from Audrey!

The rest of the day I spent in Port Orchard with friends, the last part of the day getting a massage from one of them--she is a GREAT massage therapist. She said there were lots of small adhesions in the outer layers of my leg muscles--makes sense as this is where I am sore from yoga. She suggested drinking more water, and I really should!

The weather here today was so weird. Yesterday it was 74 degrees and sunny. Today it rained, at times quite hard, and was very cold. (Low 40's.) They cancelled MSH's golf tournament, the weather was so bad! Unfortunately, they didn't know it was cancelled until they'd golfed 18 holes, and at that point the weather up north where they were had apparently improved, so they played 12 more, even though they were wet and cold. Such is the appeal of golf for some!

Day 29: impatient

I was very stressed out yesterday and the stress landed in my lower back. No surprise there. I just can't handle it when more than one area of my life contains stress. It's exponential, not simple addition. Anyway, it was kind of weird, since my body has been so pain-free and tension-free for a few weeks! So I was looking forward to class. However, the stress in my mind translated into an impatient, whiny practice. Rested out a few poses, but it was mostly just a very resistant, impatient mind that was the problem.

Nevertheless, at the end of class, that tension in my low back had melted away!

Day 28: smile!

It really helps. When you smile, it subtly helps all your muscles relax. Try it! So that was what I was trying to do today.

Krista taught, hooray! She pushed my hips down in Half Tortoise, oooh that feels great! I can't wait to give my students these sorts of treats! Speaking of which, I have booked a mini class at my house for a few friends, next Saturday, to practice for May 13. Before that I'll warm up on MSH. If he's not too nervous!

I am working on a huge project for work, brought it home with me. I NEVER bring work home with me. Because I HATE it. But it has to get done. If I wasn't working on Sixty Days, I would have just stayed at work straight through dinner and not gone to class. And I wouldn't have nearly so much energy now...to work! Hooray for yoga!

Day 27: [...]

Well, words fail me. (Quiet there, peanut gallery!) However, I had a very good practice. As it was Tuesday, I was once again at the Fremont studio. For the record, there was less drinking and fidgeting during this class. Possibly because it was relatively sparsely attended. But there was still some. Anyway, a strong practice and I felt GREAT afterward.

I forgot to mention that yesterday for the first time I got my legs ALL the way down on the floor in Separate Leg Stretching aka Final Stretching. Huzzah! Of course, today I did not get my legs down on the floor. Because, as my teachers all tell me, our bodies are different each day. Even from one set to the next. For example, today on the left leg in Toe Stand, I had the best balance I've ever had in that pose. I was very still and focused and GROWING out of my hips up my spine, and even started thinking about lifting my fingertips up off the floor. On the right leg, I weebled and wobbled all over the place throughout the pose. So there you go.

As I was leaving, the instructor, Robert, said I was doing "really, really good." That was nice to hear. I definitely notice that it's a lot easier to sit in meditation posture at the dharma center after I've practiced!

Krista is giving me two classes to teach in May! The first one is May 13. I'm getting really excited about it, but I'm nervous, too. But more excited! I asked MSH if he will attend the class I teach, but he said he would be so nervous for me he wouldn't be able to practice! My delicate flower.

Day 26: gift of energy

I was SO tired today, especially from 2:00 on. All I can pin it on is the double I pulled yesterday. I was just pooped. I fell asleep in my chair at work. Which was actually fine since I couldn't get much done. Our internet went down at 11:20 and stayed down all day.

I came to class still feeling bone-tired. But as soon as I walked into the hot room, it was like someone had flipped my switch. I had a very strong practice! I didn't need to rest out one pose and I drew all this energy from my practice! Krista taught and there were only eight of us (the sunny weather is keeping people outside and away from the studio!) and we were all women. Krista put on a Loreena McKennitt CD. It was great! And afterward, my energy was completely renewed. Perhaps you doubt me a little bit? Well, I came home and did that which MSH nor I has done in about ten months: yardwork. For one hour. So often I think of energy as coming from sleep, or from external sources like food or people, or whatever. But it's wonderful to know energy can also come from within, from the breath, the mind, and the body.

I pruned the gigantic Japanese quince bush and weeded and turned soil in a patch of the garden bed in the backyard. I now have a small rectangle of brown in a sea of overgrown green. I will grow vegetables.

Day 25: hydrate before class! / double

So, seeing as I will be doing two classes a day, five days a week for four weeks at teacher training, I figured I'd better prepare by doing at least one double (two classes in one day) beforehand. I'd never done one before. "Double" seems to be the preferred nomenclature at my studio for this sort of insanity/intensity, but I like to call it a "twofer."

This morning I didn't get up until 8 (that's late for me, even on a weekend) and I ate a small bowl of cereal and read a book. I did not drink any water until right before I left, and only about 4 oz, because I am apparently an idiot. I went to the 10 AM class and it was HARD. It was very HOT. I was not well-HYDRATED. But! I persevered. It was Audrey teaching. I had to rest out a set of Standing Forehead to Knee. (I was hoping resting out this pose in Savasana would send Audrey a message about the temperature but it didn't seem to work.) So it was hard work. And hard work is good, and good preparation for training.

I then proceeded to the Metropolitan Market, where I purchased the following: one 20 0z. purple "Revive" VitaminWater, seven 16-oz. purple VitaminWaters (stocking up for the whole week,) a package of Emergen-C supplement drink packets, and two pineapples. Gee, does it seem like a crave Vitamin C after class? MUCH?! I got home, showered, and shortly afterward MSH and I took a long walk down to Green Lake because it was another gorgeous spring day! Sixty degrees and sunny, sunny. Lovely. We had lunch at Tacos Guaymas (y Mas) where I had at least two tall glasses of water (I think the y Mas is because this location has a bar and the other doesn't?) and then walked back home. On the way there, we went through two open houses and hit two on the way back. We are not looking to move, we just like looking in houses. Perhaps that's weird. But Sheryl Crow says if it makes you happy it can't be that bad.

I read for a while when I got home, and then took a short nap, popping up in time for the 5 PM Bikram class. Oy. I would say that the second class in the same day is not twice as hard, it's four times as hard. I don't know if my lunch wasn't properly digested (although three hours should be plenty of time!) or if I was working out lots more toxins deeper in somewhere, but my stomach was very tender and I was totally pooped. I rested out a LOT of poses. "Double" was all I could muster to write on the calendar when I was finished. One of my fellow students upon hearing after class that I had done a double said "I looked back at you at one point and said to myself 'This is her second class today.'" She was right. And I worked hard! I can't do another double next Sunday, but I will definitely be doing at least one more before I leave for training. And next time I will be lying very still the entire time between classes. Sucking water through a gallon-sized water bottle like the ones bunnies have in their cages. Because my first double at training shall not be this hard, I say. The fact that it will be a totally different sequence than I'm used to will be challenge enough, thank you very much!

I will reward myself with leftover ravioli & assorted vegetables with fried tofu. And some mandarin orange/vanilla ice cream. Mmm.

Day 24: lift!

What an adventure. So this is yesterday. I drove up to Anacortes with two dharma friends. It was a GORGEOUS day. So clear--you could see Olympics, you could see Cascades, you could see Mt. Baker, and there was scant pollution in the air so you could see them clear and crisp like they were RIGHT THERE! We took backroads through the Skagit Valley and saw the tulip fields in bloom. Wow. Until I saw these for myself, I was kind of like: Hey so what, red tulips, I seen 'em. But friend, 4800 tulips together is WHAT. It's very wow. It's worth seeing.

The teachings, given by Jeffrey Hopkins, Ph.D.*, were wonderful. And the people at the dharma group up there are so lovely. After the teaching, one of my friends agreed to drive Dr. Hopkins' car (which is actually his former wife's car) down to Seattle, saving him from doing it next week. (He lives in Vancouver, BC.) But since I'd picked up this friend (Mark) from the park and ride, I would need to follow him down to this particular house in Seattle where said vehicle had to be deposited. Except after the teaching we drove over to look at the dharma group's center, Tara Tibetan Buddhist Center, and Mark never showed up. (Turns out I gave him bad directions or he couldn't find it, whatever. So he takes off back to Seattle at like 12:20.) Surmising he and Dr. Hopkins had gone to lunch, Jeff and I had a relatively leisurely lunch at El Jinete, then left for Seattle at about 1:30. We'd left Mark all kind of voicemails, but they were (unbeknownst to us) on his home phone, as he does not have a cell phone. He'd driven all the way back to his house in Magnolia, and it took him 30 minutes from the time he called us from his house to drive back to the I-5 park & ride, where we met. Then we caravaned up to Lake City to deposit the car. Then mark got back in my car. At this point it is 3:42 by the clock in my car. Having already confirmed with my sister by phone (she checked the Intarweb for me) that the last Bikram class I could take in Seattle that day was at 4:00 at the Sweatbox, I was at least going to give it a damned good try getting from Lake City to the heart of Capitol Hill in about 16 minutes, in Saturday afternoon traffic (for those of you in other cities: no, that is not a joke!) THE FIRST TWENTY-THREE DAYS COULD NOT BE IN VAIN! So we drove straight there. Took the freeway even though there was a slowdown. We got there at 4:01 by my clock, which I remembered halfway there is about three minutes fast. I jumped out, grabbed my stuff, waved goodbye to my friends, (Mark took Jeff home and then back to the P&R where HIS car was, and left my car there and took the key, which was okay because I have a spare.) I got in the door with about two minutes to spare.

Why, oh why, and HOW does life get so complicated?!

Anyway, I had a very good class. I remembered to lift my chest in camel, and only spaced out one set, of Gudurasana, Eagle pose. I liked the teacher, Nina, very much. The air exchange in there is very nice--but I felt like it was almost too cool. I don't know if it was the temperature, but the class felt EASY! First time I've honestly been able to say that. And yes! The Lumi towel is grippy, wet or dry. I like it so well. I really need to get another.

Afterward, I sat outside a coffee shop in the glorious spring sun, called MSH, and as he was on his way home from golf in Redmond, he came and picked me up. (He probably would have anyway, but I point it out because it was FORTUITOUS.)

Then we had dinner at the Mandarin Chef. And had green onion pancakes. And oh yes! They were good.

*He was H.H. the Dalai Lama's interpreter for many years, translates his books into English and sort of writes with him and he's a retired professor of Tibetan Studies from the University of Virginia.

Day 23: adjustments

Krista taught today (the owner of my studio, who wrote me the letter of recommendation for training.) Boy, she is the *best.* She told me to take a smaller step in Standing Separate Leg Stretching and all the discomfort I complained about before disappeared. She also told me to bring my head down in that pose, to straighten my neck. Turns out it's a very restful, comforting pose. And the backs of my knees weren't all woobly for Triangle. I need to shorten my step there, too, and bring my hips forward and my shoulder down and back. And "reach, reach, reach!" At some point when we were on our stomachs in Savasana, she walked on my feet. Oh sweet delight, it feels so good I just want to weep when she does that! Then she asked me, "What day is this for you?" I said 23, and she announced it to the whole class: "It could be worse, Marmot's been doing this for 23 days straight!" After that I felt conspicuous, like I needed to be practing REALLY well. After all, I've been getting plenty of practice. But I think she was just trying to inspire other people. I need pointers more than ego boosting! But I won't lie, it was nice.

Then in Camel I got more help from Krista--I have been too goal-oriented, just grabbing my knees because I can. I haven't been LIFTING my chest enough to get the proper curve in the _upper_ spine! It made a huge difference, a great opening feeling in the breastbone. I won't be going for my ankles again until I can keep that chest lift. I hope I can do it again tomorrow properly!

It was a hot class today. It was tough; I was really running out of juice toward the end but it never crossed my mind that it was hotter than usual. I did think I was sweating more than usual so I'm not sure why I didn't put that together!

Saw "Thank You For Smoking" tonight--very good! MSH laughed for no good reason in a couple of places. We both got excited to see that Todd Louiso was in it. He's been an inside joke between us ever since MSH made me guess him in the "guess the celebrity" car trip game. Like I would know his name! Well, now I do. Anyway, the movie had some great lines in it. I recommend it.

In response to Lisa's question in the comments about my Lumi towel being really skid-free: I am not putting it to the skid test until late in the series, when it's pretty sweaty. And when it's sweaty, I can definitely testify that it does NOT slip, nosirree. I will try to remember to do some test poses on it before class tomorrow, when it's dry, and see how it does.

Day 22: Grow!

I am getting to be such a geek about Triangle pose. I used to grit my teeth through and rejoice when it was over! In the last week I often have the thought at the end of the second set: Oh. But I want to do it again! It just feels so good...

However, today I had to rest out second set of Triangle! Also second set of Standing Forehead to Knee. Although I take the shortcomings in my practice on myself, I will say (and have probably bitched before) that six-thirty at night is not the best time for me to practice. My body thinks it's time for a meal, not time for yoga! That being said, it was a pretty good practice. Excellent set of Standing Bow Pulling--at one point I just really nailed it, laser focus, expansion across the chest, just solid and shooting forward. RAH! It felt dyn-o-mite. And Camille complimented us as a class on our Rabbit. I was so glad to get back to my studio and back to Camille! I love it there. I really lucked out that this was the first place I practiced Hot Yoga.

I decided to determine my word/phrase o' the day today BEFORE class and MAKE that my word. So my mantra was grow! grow! grow! Even in Utkatasana (Awkward)! Even in Savasana! It was a wonderful word to practice with. *pats self on back*
Only one space-out today, first set of Bujangasana (Cobra.) And it wasn't a complete space-out, like "Where am I? Did I just do that pose or...?"

I got another email from the Barkan people today. I need to study this further, but from the sounds of things, the Barkan series is not the same every time. Sometimes there's more hip opening, sometimes more backbends...sounds so cool! I love the idea of a general framework and then being able to add/subtract poses to suit my students. Just one more thing that makes me think: I am in the right training program! It's mostly all the same poses as Bi*ram, though. The k has been eliminated in this particular case to avoid Googling by nefarious Bi*ram lawyers. Think I'm paranoid? Read this! (NOTE: The tuition has gone up to $6600, putting overall cost (transportation, housing, food, etc.) well over $10K. Not to mention you ain't earnin' a wage for nine weeks. But I digress. And remember the series is not the man!)

A word about mats, in response to felicity's comment from yesterday: If you are practicing often, if you can possibly afford it, I agree with Lisa: you should really have a mat you like! My current mat was a gift. I love it, and each time I'm unrolling it or rolling it up, I think of my friend gratefully and I remember that I can't practice "by myself;" my practice is supported by many others. Another ecologically friendly mat which I have been coveting, and am offering myself as a congratulatory gift upon completing training is the EcoMat. It's made from natural rubber and jute! My tree-hugger hippie heart delights. If you like patterns, take a look at the tropical flavor of Wai Lana mats. They often sell them at my studio. They have an ecologically friendly mat, too (but it isn't patterned.)

Day 21: Don't Space Out!

First of all, a backpedal. I was too hard on my fellow practitioners in Fremont yesterday. Everyone is different, and what's good for my practice may not be good for theirs. And I hope you don't think I'm saying "if you fidget your yoga sucks," not at all. If you do a rigorous, athletic practice like Bikram or Power Vinyasa or maybe some others I would try keeping the unnecessary movements to a minimum--you may find it helps you. You may not. Of course if you use blocks or straps in your practice, that's probably a whole other story. There's probably a million other things I've never thought of that would make it a whole other story. I don't mean to be a snarky uptight yoga person. It's important not to take oneself too seriously as a yoga practitioner. When I feel my mind getting tight in practice, I like to remind myself "It's no big deal. It's beginning yoga." And it is. I will stick on the fact that the McFidgets distract me, but that's just one more thing for me to practice with.

Had a good practice today. Jury duty was off yesterday, on today, so I was in Capitol Hill once more, at The Sweatbox. My body is getting good at some of the poses and letting my mind wander off. This is really not good. I spaced out one side of first set of Standing Forehead to Knee, and I just blankly savasana'd through the first set of Full Locust, which I really enjoy! I'm taking my space-outs COMPLETELY on me, but I think some contributing causes are the large class (Fremont and Capitol Hill both tend to be larger than my home studio) and in Capitol Hill, the fact they use a headset (they have to to be heard over their giant blower.) It's like it's radio sound or something and it's easier to tune out? We shall see tomorrow when I return to home base yoga studio. Anyway, the instructor was pretty good and I was groovin' with my new Lumi towel: http://www.luminaire-yoga.com/lumi.html which I bought up the street at Samadhi Yoga five minutes before class. It is so swoss. Reasons why:

It covers the whole mat.
It's velvety soft.
Through magical powers, it grips the mat and doesn't slip around.
It doesn't tend to get wrinkled up, whereas with a bath towel you can get big lumpy folds.
It's a relatively grippy surface for my hands and feet.
It magically wicks sweat and makes it evaporate quickly. Or something. Dunno, magical poweres again.
It was ten dollars cheaper than the Yogitoes towel.
It takes up very little space in my bag!

I got the "earth" color. And it's machine washable and according to the practitioner who recommended it to me, it air-dries quickly. I may get another one before I go to training (two classes a day, after all.) If you do hot yoga, I highly recommend them! They may be of limited utility in other practices; not knowing I could not say. But their velvety soft texture is sure to please no matter what you're doing! "But Marmot," you say, "practicing with a bath towel is PART of the PRACTICE, just like the SWEAT!!!" Touche. But I will accept that hypocrisy if you let me keep my Lumi.

Sorry no sophisticated linkage--I am so exhausted. Off to bed.

Day 20: No fear

After six years of Bikram, yesterday and today I am finally gently and firmly rubbing out my fear in the Half Moon backbend, the first backbend of the series. Finally. Even though I've been practicing Camel well for a long time, I was just really stuck in the Half Moon backbend, and now it feels great to just relish the pose and play with my edge.

As usual on Tuesday, I practiced at Fremont, or as I call it, the House of Drinky Lazy McFidget! Don't get me wrong, I really like the instructor, but I think he owes it to his regulars to crack down. Far be it from me to get my yoga shorts in a bunch, but seriously. You do not need that much water, you especially don't need it after two full minutes of savasana, fidgeting with your mat and your costume saps your energy and affects the group energy, and when you wipe the sweat away, it comes back. Learning to practice with the sweat, and with a sweaty grip, is part of the practice. When I saw this woman wiping her ankles before Standing Bow Pulling, my lazy cheaty mind went "aha! I could do that!" and I thought "damn you woman for putting that thought into my head!" It took me a long time to figure out that being still, and just breathing calmly renews your energy much better than a gulp of water or a shake of the head and look at the floor. Sounds crazy, but it's true. Just breathe. Just still. As Audrey would say. The other thing I don't like about all this water, bad habits, and fidgeting is that it makes me sound like a holier-than-thou yoga biotch in my head. And on my blog. As you are fast realizing.

I'm off to lead my Buddhist meditation class. Never done this before. Wish me luck! I leave you with this inspiring passage from the wall at Fremont:

Be soft in your practice. Think of the method as a fine silvery stream, not a raging waterfall. Follow the stream, have faith in its course. It will go its own way, meandering here, trickling there. It will find the grooves, the cracks, the crevices. Just follow it. Never let it out of your sight. It will take you.

----Sheng-Yen

Day 19: Rah!

Practiced at The Sweatbox in Capitol Hill. Good solid studio. Nothing worth remarking in the teaching, good or bad. Floor was awfully hard--very thin carpet over concrete. As the studio doesn't have a wall on the exterior of their building, they have a giant fan to move out our stank and move in some nice fresh air. The noise isn't distracting (until final savasana) and it allows one to toot when necessary without auditory detection. Not that I would do something like that. Heavens no.

On first and second sets of Standing Bow Pulling, on my left leg, I didn't fall out! Which is interesting because I think of my left foot as the weak foot. Fell out multiple times on the right side, though! Strong sets of Triangle, and my best set yet of Floor Bow! The last few days I have a tight pain in my right shoulder at the beginning of practice but predictably it's gone by the end.

Almost 1/3 of the way to Sixty Days! I am about 150 pages through Autobiography of a Yogi, and let me assure you THAT ain't a third of the way. (It's a required text for my teacher training program.) Krista is going to have me teach or, as she puts it "throw [me] into a class" next month! She had me lead her through one pose on Saturday afternoon, like an audition, and said "you're awesome, you're ready, I'm throwing you into a class." She is a force of nature. Hops around a lot. Topically. She gave me the letter of recommendation, too, so I'm officially (once they receive said letter) IN the Barkan program. Huzzah!

I am a bit apprehensive since the Barkan series is in a completely different order than the Bikram. It's all the same poses, though. I fear I'll be cornfused...I'll have to come up with a mnemonic for the Barkan sequencing, like King Phillip Crosses Oceans For Great Spices, but with 26 words...

Day 18: enjoy

I didn't eat well today, but still had a great practice. Audrey taught--she is an incredible teacher. It also helped that Camille was practicing right next to me so I couldn't slack off! Didn't need to rest out any poses. I don't think any of the other 17 students did, either--rah! I was at meditation classes with Yangsi Rinpoche all day, so I have a feeling listening to the dharma and meditating had a positive effect on my yoga practice as well. I got an incredible feeling from some deep breaths in the mid-series Savasana today. I'll have to work on this some more. There are very few poses in the series anymore that I'm dreading and resisting. The ones I used to hate are all my favorites now.

Before class, Audrey told me she'd heard about me going to training. She sounded happy, interested, supportive. I'm kind of wary that maybe the teachers might feel I'm on their turf (which they shouldn't--I won't be certified in the Bikram series so won't be teaching at my "home" studio often, at least at first) but I haven't gotten that response at all. Yoga teachers seem in the main to be lovely people!

I've perhaps been lax at writing it, but this hot yoga is GREAT STUFF! I feel FANTASTIC!!

I should let you know--jury duty strikes tomorrow for a minimum of two days, so if I am late posting, that's why. It lasts til 4 and it's downtown so I'm trying out a new studio. And taking the bus! So keep your fingers crossed for me.

Day 17: no struggle

Morning practices are always a little stiff for me; I would imagine they are for most people. Even more so than usual this morning, my neck was stiff and painful in Pranayama deep breathing, I asked Camille about this after class and she suggested I use my throat muscles (front of throat) to pull my head back up as I inhale. I tried this a few times and no pain--that's definitely the trick.

Burst of joy in: Standing Forehead to Knee

I rested out second set of Standing Bow Pulling. My first set of Triangle was a real struggle. I was exasperated and tired coming out of it and wanted to rest out the second set, but then I thought, I don't want to end Triangle on that cruddy set! So I did second set and tried to be smoother, breathe easier, relax into it, no struggle (see, don't I sound like a teacher?!) and it was better.

There were other things I wanted to ask Camille after class but they were gone by the end of practice. I wish I could bring in a little notebook and make a list as I practice! I should practice at home one time and do that. I also want to try to tape myself practicing so I can SEE what I'm doing from the side and use that to improve.

Just so you know the yoga weight loss is not all a picnic: The more weight I lose (and it's mostly in the tummy and maracas,) the harder it is to get my stomach and chest onto my thighs in Hands-to-Feet pose--they're further away now! ;)

Day 16: comfort

A good practice today. Full class! 21 students. I was excited to practice. (Even though i skipped my mid-afternoon snack.) I had lots of energy going in, and took energy from the practice. Sam taught, and called my Standing Bow Pulling "beautiful." (Personally, I think I have plenty of work to do--my foot isn't coming up in the middle of my body, my hips aren't square...) But it was nice to hear. I didn't rest out any poses, and took great comfort in the series.

Sam is a newly minted teacher; she went through Bikram's training last fall. She has a lot of enthusiasm, and I like her, but she's just reciting the dialogue--no soul, no juice, not a lot of light. The emphasis on rote recitation of the dialogue, word for word, is one of several things that turned me off of Bikram's training. Conversely, the emphasis I can already sense from the Barkan training of finding your own voice promises to be empowering, realistic, healthy, and in my view is to the students' benefit. I feel bad criticizing Sam in any way--she has our best interests at heart after all, she's very sweet, and I'm going to be in her shoes in a few short months! Who knows how terrible I'll be... As Krista has warned me, I'm going to suck my first year as a teacher and that's just how it is. I'm not going to really Be a Teacher after four short weeks of training. Teaching yoga is a demanding and multi-faceted undertaking and it will take time, experience, and seasoning in order for me to be any good at it. Years. But I'm going to do it!

After class, I went for a smoothie with one of my fellow practitioners and her sister, visiting from out of state, who went through the Barkan training last fall. She was kind enough to give me advice on what to pack, what to eat, etc. VERY glad I got to talk with her. Apparently there is a sand flea problem on the beach, so I'm to wear long yoga pants and tall socks every morning for the sun salutations/meditation on the beach. Suddenly that's not sounding so great. (Trust me, if it bites, it loves the taste of my blood WAY more than the taste of everyone else's. Seriously.) What about when my hands are on the ground in downward dog? If there are sand fleas, why would we be practicing there?! I suppose Jimmy has a good reason. In the meantime, I'll be purchasing some DEET at REI. The girl also said sand fleas might not be a problem at the time I'll be there, since they "spray the beach." Oh goody. Shall I have my bites now, or my cancer later? Remind me not to move to Florida! I guess I'll be at the pool, not the beach, in my spare time. Not that my vampirishly pale skin needs any sun at all, no no.

She told me lots of good things about the training, too, how great the teachers are, which books are her favorite, and the name of a great vegetarian restaurant that's a short drive away. I can't wait. I'm off to study!

Day 15: A quarter of the way through!

Again feeling a little gray in the series, at the beginning. Then in Standing Separate Leg Stretching, of all places, where I usually resist, I received another boost of joy. I rested out second set of Standing Bow Pulling, did well in Triangle, and came out and back in second set of Floor Bow.

Good News: the protein snacks did the trick today. Here’s what I ate:

7:45: Oatmeal* w/walnuts and cranberries, made with about half a cup of milk
Small mango
10:30: yogurt,** walnuts
12:30: Bobotie (almond butter/bread/soy crumble/apricot stew)
vegan potato salad
apple
3:00: walnuts
3 slices cheddar cheese

Perhaps I should expand my nut repertoire. So I was not hungry today! But in class someone had on watermelon lotion or something; I caught a whiff and started CRAVING watermelon, just for the crisp, juicy taste…when does watermelon season start?

One of the many great things about practicing hot yoga each day is the structure it gives to my life. Five to six days a week I'm practicing in the late afternoon or evening, so I take a shower every evening, wash my face with the exfoliating scrub every time, then I pack my yoga bag for the next day, write in my journal, and often blog at that time, too. It bleeds over into the mornings, as well. I always wash my face and put on the SPF moisturizer and I always put in my contacts. (In the past i'm in a hurry, stick them in my pocket to put in at work and I almost never do.) I've always wanted to be in this kind of routine but I always get lazy at some point and slack off. This structure pleases me!

For your reference, I have tried to put a link to a page with the Bikram series in the menu at right. (Some of these illustrations show the advanced pose, ie, what you would be in after many years practicing, so don't be discouraged if you have been thinking of trying it!) Here's a key:

1. Pranayama deep breathing
2. Half Moon with hands-to-feet pose
3. Awkward (has three parts)
4. Eagle pose
5. Standing Head to Knee Pose
6. Standing Bow Pulling
7. Balancing Stick
8. Standing Separate Leg Stretching
9. Triangle
10. Standing Separate Leg Forehead to Knee
11. Tree
12. Toe Stand
13. Savasana (resting--you do this between each pose from now on)
14. Wind-removing pose
15. Double-exhalation sit-up (you do this to get out of savasana between several poses on the floor.)
16. Cobra
17. Half Locust
18. Full Locust
19. Floor bow
20. Fixed Firm (may be Fixed Fern, I can never tell.)
21. Half Tortoise
22. Camel Pose
23. Rabbit Pose
24. Separate Leg Stretching Forehead to Knee
25. Spinal Twist
26. Coplabati (sp?) deep breathing


*Packet of “natural” flax & oats instant
** Wallaby Lemon low-fat

and I HATED math!

Have you seen the bus advertisement with him lounging in state, and it’s for a new cologne called Unforgivable? The tag line is “Life without passion is unforgivable.” Well, Diddy, time for me to bust a little math on ya. If x = y where x = life without passion and y = unforgivable, which is what you seem to be suggesting in the tag line, and your new cologne (z) = unforgivable, then your new cologne = life without passion. Which doesn’t sound like what the kids want these days, now, does it?!

Day 14: garbagey mind

For some reason, maybe because I'd been feeling nauseous (again) earlier in the day, my mind was negative and full of garbage today in the first part of my practice. It was like that trash pool they get stuck in in Star Wars. I was also feeling tight in my hamstrings. My soreness and tightness has been all in my legs, while my arms and shoulders don't make a peep and my back just gets lighter and looser.

Anyway, first set of triangle, I felt a burst of optimism and this pretty much sustained me through the rest of my practice. :)

Didn't have to rest out poses. Fell out of Standing Bow Pulling plenty but overall practiced that one well. That last adjustment of REACHING, FORWARD, OUT of the SHOULDER socket in that pose makes such a huge difference in opening up the heart. And in Standing Forehead to Knee (the one where you pick up your knee) I straightened one leg second set, with encouragement from Camille. I think it was pretty straight, it was definitely straighter than I've gotten it in the past, very exciting. I would have looked into the mirror to the right to check the straightness but then I surely would have fallen right out. Camille indicated I was doing well in Half Moon and Half Locust. I am wary of taking too much pride in my practice--I still have so much to work on and want to cultivate humility--but it's nice to know I'm on the right track and she always follows up praise with an additional adjustment to work toward!

I confess I felt a bit bored at moments with the the series today. That's gotta be my garbage mind talking--it's not like I've mastered the series! I'm thinking maybe I'll take a power class next weekend. That would be two in one day. I also want to work two Bikram classes in one day into my sixty days here.

On the food front: I guess I haven't added enough food to my diet yet. When I look at today honestly, it is pretty much what I would normally eat. I am SO HUNGRY. I was hungry before class, I was hungry during class, and I was hungry after eating a sizable plate of cheese ravioli in pesto cream sauce at Toto's Italiano Ristorante (don't bother.) And I'm hungry now. One of my fellow practitioners after class suggested I have a protein snack every two hours, so I'll try that starting tomorrow. And I think I'll start having eggs at breakfast. But that will put the kibosh on eating brekky at work! I'm apprehensive about the food issue. I mean, how much do I need to eat now? Will I need even MORE food in my THIRD consecutive week of daily practice, and more the FIFTH?! For crying out little babies, HOW MUCH WILL I NEED TO EAT WHEN I'M DOING TWO CLASSES A DAY IN FLORIDA?!?!?!?!!

I got the agreement, ethical guidelines for teachers, and series script from the Barkan Method today. The more information I have, the more I know for sure that I'm in the right training program. The emphasis on ethics, the very REASONABLE legal agreement, the nurturing language. (Ie, I'm expected to know the points of the postures "in the language of [my] own heart.") It's on my frequency, and I can't wait to learn learn learn from Jimmy. I am looking forward to meeting with a woman on Friday who went through the Barkan training last year. I have lots of questions about what to pack. And where to eat cheap in Fort Lauderdale.

Because damn.

I got a bunch more yoga books in the mail today, and picked up one and started reading the introduction. (After dinner, while we were supposed to be cleaning the house since MSH's parents are coming this weekend. Instead, we sat on our hineys. Funny how that happens!) I loved just the introduction! So far, I love reading about yoga almost as much as I love doing it. And it's a good thing. I have two required texts, which I really must read prior to training, and five recommended texts (and another on the way.) And the Anatomy For Yoga DVD, which looks just yummy. No time this weekend, unfortunately...

Day 13: some improvements

I practiced at Bikram's Yoga College in Fremont yesterday. Always a big class there. I really like the instructor on Tuesday afternoons, Robert. Students drink outside of the three water breaks and often get up to refill their water bottles from the water fountain at the back of the room, though; it's a bit distracting, and it makes me want to drink more water! (I realize this makes me sound like an uptight yoga prig, but there you go. When you do it every day, you get picky. Or priggy.)(Isn't it funny we still say "water fountain?" It sounds sort of archaic, like "horseless carriage.") Anyway, I was pretty focused and had a good practice. I didn't need to rest out any poses. I even made it through the whole first set, second side of Standing Bow Pulling without falling out. I was at dharma class afterward and while we were meditating, at one of the many moments I should have been focused on my breath, I was thinking that I have less discomfort in meditation posture having just done the Bikram series. Yoga asanas were, from what I understand, created in order to prepare one to meditate.

Day 12: no expectations

My stomach had been bothering me since mid-morning. I even took a long lunch break and went home and took a nap. Feeling somewhat better, I went back to work, thinking there was less likelihood I could wimp out that way. There was no way I could NOT go to yoga on Day 12! Krista taught. I told her my tummy was acting up and she advised me to “be mellow.” I paid close attention to how I was feeling as I practiced, but I only rested out second sets of Standing Bow Pulling and Balancing Stick. Overall, I had a good practice and it felt easier and lighter than normal. I think this is because I had low or no expectations for my practice, since I hadn’t been feeling well. So my task for today (lucky thirteen) will be to stay out of my own way. In the words of Pogo, my dad’s favorite cartoon character: We have met the enemy and he is us! I also need to hydrate better, but Pogo didn’t speak much to hydration issues.

In other yoga news, I called Barkan Yoga today and left a message requesting to pay for my teacher training tuition and housing with a credit card. THE YOGI himself, Jimmy, called me back. He has a very nice voice! I was a little star-struck. His office manager was out today.

In yet more yoga news, I have lost a bit of weight due to all this practice. MSH claims that my boobs have gotten smaller. HALLELUJAH! Standard bra size, here I come! As you may imagine, his feelings on the subject are somewhat different. Here is my little tiny violin, strung with rosined-up bra straps, playing for you, honey. Of course, the last two nights I have been uncharacteristically and ravenously hungry at dinner, so I could easily put the bit of weight back on. I probably need to start consciously eating a larger breakfast and lunch to fuel up prior to practice. I’m not going to be buying any pants anytime soon, is the short version. Except for maybe a pair of yoga shorts. As previously indicated.

NOT AT ALL RELATED TO YOGA: The other day I needed to write some cards when I was out at the U Pillage and (horrors!) did not have a pen in my purse. I swiftly made for Office Despot, so-called because it despotically requires that any office supply desired be purchased in bulk quantities. I was after a ball-point pen, and couldn’t buy any fewer than 12. Unless I wanted like a totally gourmet pen. Which I don’t. The marmot is a ball-point pen user OF THE PEOPLE.

After test-writing a few models, I picked out a jaunty set of twelve Foray pens—black, medium point—with various barrel colors. (The first set I picked up had had one of its number pilfered—doubtless by a less than scrupulous customer frustrated at his/her inability to JUST BUY ONE PEN.) This cost me around ten clams, and I remember being horrified by the excess. Twelve pens—twelve pens! It will be 2020 before I use all those pens!

In a word: no. I put one in my bag (I should put in a backup.) I put one in my desk. I put one in my bedside table to journal with at night, replacing the crappy blue one I have secretly hated but always use because I’m in bed and too lazy to go find another. I put one in the bag I use to transport my dharma book and journal to/from the dharma center (so I don’t have to get up and rummage for a pen in the back room and miss part of the dharma talk.) I have discovered that it is really nice to have twelve (now eight) pens that I like. You don’t have to curse the inadequacy of those free pharmaceutically-labeled pens that somehow find their way into even the households of the furthest-removed from the healthcare industry. You just have good pens. I recommend it.

Day 11: Together

Yesterday was a big class--18 people. There was room for everyone, though. The big crowd made me more aware of my classmates, and how what we do affects and supports each other's practices. The teacher was Penny--I haven't taken from her in a while. She really unlocked Standing Bow Pulling last time I took from her. Something she said this time gave me more energy each savasana (resting on the floor on your back:) "slow low exhales." I thought about the breath exhaling directly from my belly and it seemed to give me extra juice. I did rest out first set of Standing Separate Leg Stretching. I've been having trouble with that pose--the backs of my legs are in discomfort and I keep thinking I'm doing something wrong--but Penny told me second set I was doing a good job, so I suppose it's something I'll have to work through. I think part of the reason the class was so large is that Penny has a few fans that followed her from wherever she teaches normally.

I really need to buy a pair of nice "yoga shorts;" the running shorts I wore yesterday were so uncomfortable.

Day 10: Joy!

Audrey taught this morning! I hadn't had a class from her in a while; she is a great teacher. Gentle and nurturing but firm and encouraging. There were four of us including Audrey so she practiced while teaching out loud. (I was VERY impressed at the degree to which she could do this--speaking in balancing stick is a miracle I have not personally achieved.) Morning practice can be a challenge--I imagine we're all kind of stiff at that point in the day--but it was a WONDERFUL practice. I fully and deeply practiced each pose and was filled with energy, joy, and gratefulness by the end.

Prior to this, I'd never practiced more than seven days consecutively, so I'm entering uncharted territory and I love it--I look forward with hope and optimism to the coming days' practices. I had the thought that as I practice each day it's kind of like excavating layers of sediment. (Or, as the tag line for K's teacher says: A Place to Peel Your Layers!) Again, it's not linear, I'm not going FURTHER, I'm going DEEPER and sort of revisiting my past. I had a twinge from my lower back today (which immediately disappeared and did not recur), like "hello, remember that disc injury in your lower back?" and it happens in my mind, too, uncovering resistance and expectation and gently removing them.

Report on Day 8 and Good News!

Day 8 was great! It was hotter than normal, but I think I did pretty well, at least keeping a positive attitude throughout. I did have to rest out the second set of standing bow pulling, which was a little disappointing for me since Tuesday and Wednesday classes I hadn't needed to rest. But I need to remember that this is not linear--my body is different every day, so my practice will be different every day! I also grabbed the wrong water bottle out of my car (less than half-full) so I was mighty thirsty by the end. Ah, sweet purple Vitamin Water--mightn't there be a sponsorship up your sleeve for me?

The haircut is a thumbs-up. It was such a relief to have the mop lopped off, and it is GREAT for yoga! NOT hanging in my face, no lumpy ponytails on my head to work around, and I even had more traction on my mat at a couple of points because the hair wasn't sliding around. And now I look exactly like Natalie Portman, which has its advantages. ;)

So last night I submitted my online application to the Jimmy Barkan level I yoga teacher training. THIS VERY MORNING I received an acceptance notice, contingent upon a letter of recommendation from a qualified teacher, and of course handing over the greenbacks. SO I'M IN! I was pretty sure I'd get in, but still. I'm thrilled. The schedule involves two classes every day, as well as anatomy, philosophy of yoga, and Sanskrit! I've already bought my books and a DVD. I'm going back to school!

Catching Up

So. First things first. MSH and I went to Kauai. It is a place of incredible natural beauty and lush foliage. It IS warm all the time, and frequently sunny but with enough clouds and rain that (did I mention the lushness?) with the help of my trusty companions BullFrog SPORT SPF 36 and Broad-Brimmed Hat Collection I avoided sunburn and only acquired that variation on my vampirishly pale skin tone: Dark White.

We had a fabulous time. Activities included:
Snorkeling
Eating
Lying on the beach
Golf (even some for me!)
Hiking
Eating ice cream
Admiring little geckos on our window screens at night
Trying not to scratch mosquito bites--all mine (lots of standing water on the island at the moment)
More eating
More snorkeling
Hiking
Helicopter ride!
Massage and body scrub (aaaah!)
Laughing (MSH is even funnier when he is completely relaxed!)
Doing what we wanted, when we wanted

In short, a great vacation! Wish we'd been able to stay another week, but the way we were spending money, it's probably a good thing we came home. And: we did eat a LOT of food.

Second: I am going to yoga teacher training this summer in Florida. Peep it here (click Teacher Training.) I first had the idea of becoming a yoga teacher last fall, after the meditation retreat. I reluctantly volunteered to lead yoga each day for those interested and contrary to my expectation, I really enjoyed it. More importantly, at the end of the retreat (when people could talk) a few people told me that that yoga, as poorly as I'd taught it and as abbreviated as the series had been, helped them meditate with less discomfort. Wow. I have also been feeling (for two years, but more concretely in the last few months) that I'd like to be spending my time in a way that more directly benefits other beings. So due to some ad hoc life coaching from a friend of mine, I acquired the chutzpah to actually make it happen NOW. (This year, anyway.) I leave in 8 weeks! In the meantime, I am doing Bikram yoga every day for sixty days straight, to prepare. Today will be day 8. I feel great, and make a little bit of improvement each day. I am hoping to make this blog sort of a yoga blog for the length of my sixty-day practice. I'm thinking I can steal away to an internet cafe once a week while I'm in Florida, too--it's a pretty intense schedule. Anyway, for the three of you who still look at this blog, I apologize in advance if the prospect of all these yoga posts bores you to tears. Vote with your browser. Although, i don't know how to check stats on my blog, so I won't know. Tee hee.

Third: I am getting my haircut very short today. Like Natalie Portman on the March cover of Vogue. I can't find this cover anywhere on the internet, so I'm glad I bought the magazine and tore off the cover.

Fourth: Found this meme on ANd I Wasted All That Birth Control and thought it might amuse:

Taken a picture naked? No.

Made out with a member of the same sex? Not really. A kiss once.

Danced in front of your mirror? Frequently!

Told a lie? Yes. Isn't that sort of a stupid question? Lying sucks, but we've all done it, right?

Gotten in a car with people you just met? Yes. I got lost jogging last Thanksgiving in the nouveau office park part of Hillsboro, Oregon and flagged down a car for directions. (It took a while since people just thought I was giving them a friendly wave!) They gave me a lift back to my cousins' house. They were a sweet little family on the way to the gym. MSH was horrified I'd gotten in a car with strangers!

Been in a fist fight? No. Thank goodness.

Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Of course. Hasn't everyone?

Been arrested? No.

Left your house without telling your parents? No.

Ditched school to do something more fun? Only if you count sleeping through Spanish 105 twice a week in college. Kids, don't sign up for 8:00 classes your first semester.

Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Since I have a sister, this is a dumb question, but I have ALSO slept in the same bed with friends of the same sex. Shocker!

Seen someone die? I was with my grandmother a few days before she died.

Kissed a picture? Plenty.

Slept in until 3? Oh. I kind of doubt it. If I were that hung over, I would have to get up and seek McDonald's fries before 3.

Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Absolutely.

Played dress up? Sure.

Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes.

Felt an earthquake? Spring Break Quake '93 (Oregon) and Nisqually Quake (Seattle) 2/12/01.

Touched a snake? Yes, I like snakes just fine.

Ran a red light? Oh, all the time. It's terrible. I am trying to quit. I can't stop the u-turns, though. Sometimes you gotta flip a bitch!

Had detention? Yes, in junior high because a science project stuck me with some COOL kids and I lit matches with them over a garbage can. I was completely humiliated that I had done something so dumb, gotten caught, and got detention. I was the goodiest two shoesiest detention participant ever!

Been in a car accident? Only a few fender-benders.

Pole danced? No.

Been lost? So, this question is open to interpretation, but in both senses, yes.

Sang karaoke? Yes, in groups. "I Will Survive," anyone?

Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes. How does that happen, exactly? Am I not the boss of me?

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Not nearly often enough.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes. :)

Kissed in the rain? I hope MSH and I did on vacation! Don't mind the warm rain in 75 degrees.

Sang in the shower? ALL the time!

Got your tongue stuck to a pole? No.

Ever gone to school partially naked? Only in my anxiety dreams.

Sat on a roof top? I don't really remember. I'd sure like to.

Played chicken? No.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Sort of. We had to for swim safety/lifesaving class. Then we tied knots at the ends of the legs of our pants and made floats.

Been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? I guess. Word gets around.

Broken a bone? No.

Mooned/flashed someone? Yes, there was a lot of mooning in high school. Both kinds!

Forgotten someone’s name? Frequently.

Slept naked? Yes. But I don't like it as a rule, the sheet tickles my bum.

Blacked out from drinking? Yes.

Played a prank on someone? Yes. This guy my freshman year of college--it was pretty innocent stuff--gave his computer boobs, pinned up a suit of clothes on the wall, switched his CDs into wrong cases, but he was really pissed. He revenged himself by screwing up my computer (made it look like it had lost its memory) and stealing my mattress and putting the sheets on the wooden box under it so I bruised my tailbone as I sat down in shock over the screwed-over computer (thinking that he'd taken the bed box.) I gave him a verbal dressing-down so fierce he remained terrified of me the remainder of our college years.

Felt like killing someone? Yes, I suppose, in adolescent rage and pain.

Made a parent cry? My mom and I had some epic battles in high school (I was such a rebel! No, I WON'T take the AP French test!), and many ended with one or the other of us in tears.

Cried over someone? Oh lots.

Had sex more than 10 times in a weekend? No. Honestly, wouldn't that get boring?

Had/Have a dog? No.

Been in a band? I suppose they mean band like a "cool" band, but I was in marching band and sit-down band, in high school, and I dearly loved it. Those were good times, and I get misty for a marching band still!

Drank 25 sodas in a day? Eh, no.

Shot a gun? Yes.