hello bubbye

I got back from the meditation retreat yesterday around 5:00. It was really wonderful. The teachings were intense, clearly taught, but with a tendency to blow my mind as I tried to wrap my mind around the ideas. My teacher is incredible. My mind, however, was distracted, busy, resistant, aversive, judgmental, sleepy, you name it. I had a hard time concentrating, but I stuck with it and of course saw benefit. It definitely showed that my preparation and intention had been less strong. An external manifestation of the inner lack of preparation (e.g. no daily meditation practice) were all the things I forgot to pack. Like, I don't know, MY MEDITATION CUSHION?! It was OK, there were extras. My fellow retreatants were a great group, very supportive and enthusiastic. I led a guided meditation session one evening for the group, so I had to face some fears there, and I think it went well. I also had the opportunity to lead a short yoga class each day for my fellow retreatants. (About four to five students each day.) This was a great experience. (The last time I was on retreat, it was my reluctant acceptance of this task that led to my aspiration to become a yoga teacher!) It was usually the same five people showing up and they were very game, patient with me, as I was demonstrating/practicing the poses and talking through the poses simultaneously. I kept having the urge to walk around them and see if I could do adjustments to help them, but I did want to keep up some sort of practice myself, and continue to demonstrate poses. One day, one student (a guy I regularly meditate with at my dharma center) complained about bow pose, so the next day, I took them through two sets of it (even though we were doing single sets of all other poses) and reminded them that "it's the poses you hate the most that you need the most!" Heh heh. Maybe I won't be such a pushover teacher after all. :) (That's one of my fears.) Like I said, it was so beneficial as I go into training; I am so thankful to these students!

I went to my yoga studio this morning, where Audrey taught. There were a couple of moments when I was very lightheaded (not sure what's up with that) but I did not rest out any poses. I just decided at this point, two days away from classes in training, I should be kind to myself by staying in rather than by resting out. I think my mind was really pretty calm coming off the retreat, too. And it was a great class. After several days of doing an independent, abbreviated practice (50 min max) in a cool space, it was such a joy to take class in a hot studio, and get to do two sets of each pose! I was able to thank Audrey and Camille (who took the class) as I headed out the door.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to me and supporting me. :) I'm off to Florida in about ten hours!