Yoga Teacher Training: Week 1

[NOTE: If you are on my email list, this is a copy of the email I just sent. Let me know if you want to be on my email list, too! Sorry to be repetitive, but I don't have time and energy today to write more than one thingy... hopefully some originally content for you Marmot readers later in the week. Peace!]

It's a rainy, wet, thundery (but still warm!) day in Fort Lauderdale.
Sunday is our day off so I have some time to regroup, do laundry, study!,
and let you know how it's all going.

My first week has been so challenging. I would say until Friday, each yoga
class was _hard_ for me. There are several poses I'm not very familiar
with in the Barkan series, particularly chaturanga, part of sun
salutation, which we do at the beginning of each class, just after
Pranayama breathing. Chaturanga is sort of like a pushup, but with your
elbows in to your ribcage, standing on your toes and hands (palms,) and
you (ideally) touch your chest and chin to the floor. I really don't have
the upper body strength for it, and even struggle in the modified version,
where I'm on my knees rather than my toes. So this has been a wonderful
opportunity for me to confront my ego. In plain English, it's been very
frustrating, but I'm working with it and hopefully my triceps will develop
quickly. :) When I'm feeling frustrated or negative, I think of my
teachers who took so much time and energy to teach me, everyone I practice
with at HYL, and of my future students, and endeavor to do my best with
them in mind.

We've had several classes led by Lisa--she is our other main teacher
besides Jimmy. She is so amazing--she focuses on your mind and spirit and
reminds us constantly that YOGA IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL **GOOD**! In her class
on Thursday, she asked us to observe our thoughts during our practice, to
see which ones we could label "useful" and which ones "not useful." Boy,
did I ever have a bunch of crap in my mind! So that made me feel like I
can do much better in my own practice if I can just get out of my own way.
If that makes any sense. Anyway, Lisa has a very peaceful, nurturing
energy, and I always leave her class feeling refreshed, energized, and
positive.

Other graduates of Jimmy's program have taught us, as well, and they've
been EXCELLENT, each with their own individual style. This makes me think
even more highly of the program--Jimmy's not trying to make everyone teach
his way. And he emphasizes this himself, that his job is to facilitate
discovery of our own voice as a teacher. In our technical breakdowns of
each pose, there's even sometimes room for personal interpretation.

My fellow teachers-in-training are a joy, each one. I was walking toward
the ballroom where we practice and do clinics one day this week, and
passed four of them in the hallway. From each one, I got a 400W flat-out
grin. There's so much positive energy in the group; it's great. When we
introduced ourselves the first day, there were lots of stories of
incredible healing from yoga, including from a woman with muscular
dystrophy who has seen incredible improvement in her symptoms and movement
abilities from her hot yoga practice. Very inspiring.

Hydration and nutrition are challenging, too, but I think I'm getting the
hang of it. I'm tending toward whole foods--dairy, nuts, nut butters, some
veggies but most importantly--FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT! especially fresh cut
pineapple. I am also drinking bottle after bottle of electrolyte-enhanced
water. I had the thought at one point this week, as I was falling asleep
during one of my breaks: "Ah, I'll take a nap, I'm so sleepy. No! Must
stay awake so I can keep drinking water..." It's not a dilemma I've faced
before. I think I'm getting enough sleep, although I'm rarely sleepy at
bedtime! Something about the ZING of energy from the late-afternoon yoga
class. My brain is processing lots of information, too, Sanskrit and
history and philosophy of yoga. Hopefully I'll have some sort of a handle
on that information before we dive into anatomy this Wednesday, with an MD
who teaches anatomy to medical students. She's also a graduate of this
teacher training program. I can't wait!!

hello bubbye

I got back from the meditation retreat yesterday around 5:00. It was really wonderful. The teachings were intense, clearly taught, but with a tendency to blow my mind as I tried to wrap my mind around the ideas. My teacher is incredible. My mind, however, was distracted, busy, resistant, aversive, judgmental, sleepy, you name it. I had a hard time concentrating, but I stuck with it and of course saw benefit. It definitely showed that my preparation and intention had been less strong. An external manifestation of the inner lack of preparation (e.g. no daily meditation practice) were all the things I forgot to pack. Like, I don't know, MY MEDITATION CUSHION?! It was OK, there were extras. My fellow retreatants were a great group, very supportive and enthusiastic. I led a guided meditation session one evening for the group, so I had to face some fears there, and I think it went well. I also had the opportunity to lead a short yoga class each day for my fellow retreatants. (About four to five students each day.) This was a great experience. (The last time I was on retreat, it was my reluctant acceptance of this task that led to my aspiration to become a yoga teacher!) It was usually the same five people showing up and they were very game, patient with me, as I was demonstrating/practicing the poses and talking through the poses simultaneously. I kept having the urge to walk around them and see if I could do adjustments to help them, but I did want to keep up some sort of practice myself, and continue to demonstrate poses. One day, one student (a guy I regularly meditate with at my dharma center) complained about bow pose, so the next day, I took them through two sets of it (even though we were doing single sets of all other poses) and reminded them that "it's the poses you hate the most that you need the most!" Heh heh. Maybe I won't be such a pushover teacher after all. :) (That's one of my fears.) Like I said, it was so beneficial as I go into training; I am so thankful to these students!

I went to my yoga studio this morning, where Audrey taught. There were a couple of moments when I was very lightheaded (not sure what's up with that) but I did not rest out any poses. I just decided at this point, two days away from classes in training, I should be kind to myself by staying in rather than by resting out. I think my mind was really pretty calm coming off the retreat, too. And it was a great class. After several days of doing an independent, abbreviated practice (50 min max) in a cool space, it was such a joy to take class in a hot studio, and get to do two sets of each pose! I was able to thank Audrey and Camille (who took the class) as I headed out the door.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to me and supporting me. :) I'm off to Florida in about ten hours!

OMG *or* Studio Drama *or* the Double that Wasn't

I have decided not to feel guilty about going to bed at 11:00. I did it last night, I woke up just after 6:00 AM, got up and went to yoga class and didn't feel tired all day. I just need less sleep in the summer so I am going to stay up until 11:00 and like it. So there.

So the class this morning was a one-hour Power Vinyasa class. Krista taught. I hadn't taken Power Vinyasa since before the 60 days. I LOVED it. It was SO MUCH FUN not to know what's coming next, and I was really feeling my breath well. I felt great afterward, too! I think Krista was impressed that I showed--she raised her eyebrows. She is leaving tomorrow to head up to where she'll get married this weekend! (Rememember this--it's important later in the post.)

So I go about my day, I'm feelin' spiffy, have a pretty good day at work, although not too productive since I went out to Araya vegan Thai buffet with my work peeps and then had an AFLAC informational meeting. Don't ask. I go home, I do laundry, I get stuff done, start on some dharma stuff, then dash to the yoga studio, arriving at just about 6:29.

I walk in and no one's behind the desk, which is odd. But I get my stuff and walk into the room and everyone's sort of shifty, looking at each other. So I make eye contact with a woman and ask "Who's teaching?" She says: "I don't know! No one's here." So I go back outside the room. No one's there. So. I taught!

It was the best because I got to teach but I did NOT have the opportunity to stress out about it first! I just jumped right in. I did the first set of Pranayama deep breathing before asking if anyone was taking Bikram for the first time. Guess what? FOUR beginners. (One I didn't realize she was a beginner until the end of class--guess I was out to lunch when I asked for a show of hands!) So: I thought I sucked. But I had a blast! And afterward people did say positive things. I even kept on time, much better than the first time I taught. I still have SO MUCH to learn, but I am on such a high right now. When you are doing something you love, IT IS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!!

Afterward, no one had paid, so I took money, ran credit cards, FORGOT to have the newbies fill out waivers, but oh well. I didn't call Krista, because I pretty much had it handled and why stress her out right before the wedding? Maybe I'll call Camille.

So: maybe I'll try doing a double tomorrow!

Aaah!

I needed that. Krista taught at 4:30 and my good friend was there. I was between her and another yoga buddy. It was a hard class. I could tell I'd spent most of the previous 24 hours being tense and stressed out. There was stingy stuff in my eyes, I had to rest out poses and in the floor series (where I was really noticing the heat) I really had to work with my whiny mind.

I was totally ineffective at work today. Yoga class this afternoon has given me plenty of energy. I came home and did three important things:

Extracted large suitcase from closet
Placed suitcase in bedroom
Put! Items! In! Suitcase!

I also did the less important act of pre-stamping postcards, but doing trivial crap first is part of my MO. This is progress. If I can get to bed by a normal time tonight, I will go to the hour-long 6:30 Power Vinyasa class tomorrow morning. Cuz I'm nutty like that--taking a non-Bikram class?! Crazy!

I do like not having the pressure to come up with a word to define my class that day. Sometimes they just don't jump out at you.

Less crap.

So, I still haven't been to class, but I will be going at 4:30 this afternoon. Probably even if there's a flood or some other type of natural disaster. I am quite determined and jonesin' for my yoga fix.

In other news, a kind person from the Barkan program emailed me back first thing this morning. Excerpts include:

"Do not be concerned!"

And:

"Please rest assured, Jimmy doesn't require the participants to be in top athletic
shape. A good, solid practice is necessary though for an understanding of asana that
would allow you to teach it."

(I think I'm there.)

ANd also:

"The retreat, IMHO, comes in ata good time! It'll ground you and relax you and put a
little space in places, a great primer for a month of intense yoga! If you find the
time in the morning during the retreat, do some sun salutations or one set each
standing postures?"

V. good suggestion, since on my own I just would have mechanically tried to get through the entire series in the short time slots allotted me, and stressed out when I didn't. Stressed out as much as is possible when you're in a beautiful forest meditating six hours a day. (I'm confident I'd find a way.)

Also, a few hours after I posted, I just decided I'm going to kick ass. So there. (oh did I mention I was up late? Between MSH out of town and my anxiety, I just can't seem to get to bed before midnight. This would be cool, except I REALLY don't do well on short sleep. I feel terrible and probably shouldn't be driving. People around me are required to use small words and when I get hungry, instead of my usual cues, my brain just comes to a grinding halt and I sit there with my mouth hanging open, with a vague questioning "why" thought hovering on the edge of my blank consciousness.)

I am going to do doubles tomorrow and Thursday. That will be hard.

Number of items packed for retreat: 0

Number of items packed for Florida: 0

But I did look up location of Whole Foods (3 miles from hotel), Internet cafe (0.7 miles from hotel) and location of dharma center (10 miles from hotel) as well as bus routes to said dharma center. I will ascertain sketch factor of said bus system prior to boarding, of course.

Oh crap.

So, days off suck. This is my third day off in a row. I didn't feel like I wanted to squeeze it in in Bend on Friday (the day I left) and yesterday and today I was at my dharma center for teachings. Now I wish I had skipped them, even though they were great teachings and my first dharma teacher is back from India and it was really good to see her and talk with her a bit.

I am a little stiff, and I just feel like I NEED NEED NEED a yoga fix.

This coming Friday I'm planning to go on a 7-day meditation retreat. The day after I get back, I fly to Florida for training. I'll have time to do yoga on the retreat (there's time set aside for yoga/movement each day) but it varies depending on how long meditation sessions/teachings run, so sometimes it's only half an hour, sometimes it's an hour, and there's no way I'll be getting through ninety minutes unless I can find a place to practice before bed. And of course: no heat.

THIS IS THE MONEY PARAGRAPH: So, I just now read an email from the yoga training program containing this sentence: "By this time, you should be practicing doubles [two yoga classes/day] at least three times a week." I am freaking the f*** OUT. Either they screwed up or I screwed up and didn't read something, but that is the first I heard of a recommended training schedule. AT ALL. I've only done one double in my whole life. Back in April, I believe it was. Obviously I knew we'd be doing doubles at training, but I was feeling I was in pretty good shape, having finished 60 days of practice in a row last Sunday, and I could sort of dive right into that doubles thing at training, considering I work full-time. In fact, in order to do "at least" three doubles a week, I would have had to take time off from work or rearrange my schedule. Ironically, I could have been doing doubles in Bend last week! So I was feeling like I'd prepared better than average. Now I feel like I'll bethe worst prepared. Which is fine. It will actually be better for me in the long run. I'm such a perfectionist. (About Some Things.) But I hate feeling ill-prepared and of course the neurotic subtext is spelled FAILURE. And MSH is out of town until freaking Wednesday, I miss him, and it would be really nice to have someone to physically calm me down right now, I'm a big ball of anxiety. (I'm sure my anxiety would be less, for both obvious and physiological reasons, if I'd practiced today.) I'd think Jimmy was just screwing with us, but he doesn't seem like the boot-camp psyche-out type. I think I really screwed up and I'm going to pay for it.

Guess I'll meditate. F***!!

I emailed a dude (not Jimmy) about all this, so we'll see if he writes me back.